How to Know If You Are in Love or Not?

Marriage.com Editorial Team

Expertise: Relationship & Marriage Advice

The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice.

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Updated: 10 Jan, 2023

Table of Contents

Love is a decision—not a feeling—so you know you love someone because you deliberately choose to recommit, day after day.
Love shows in actions—invest, care, and prioritize their needs while honoring your own boundaries, so love stays real and mutual.
Love grows through hardship—even when you’re hurt, choose to apologize, forgive, and work together, proving you’re on the same journey.

Let’s be real, People! Why shouldn’t one be able to know? Why should one bother Google by such queries? How to know if you are in love?

Here’s the truth.

Most of the advice that comes from Google’s search results are just ridiculously silly and misleading. Take such examples of feedbacks received below on how to know if you are in love with someone.

1.They are always on your mind

If you don’t find this advice bogus, then your relationship probably isn’t real either.

Should it be true that someone is really on your mind, then it could also mean that you are not really focused on other important things. Why?

Real love should fit into real life, instead of usurping it. It’s never overwhelming but calm.

2.You see them in your future

Does it mean they should be in it? If you fantasize long and hard enough about your future and somehow see yourself moving to Switzerland to be a sheep/goat farmer, does it mean you should?

Why is this advice a bad idea?

The problem is that people have transformed love into more of a game of escapism, like a fantasy. Measuring potential partners by how they fit into this fantasy is misleading and is never a measure of love.

If you are to see them in your future, that’s fine. But, it shouldn’t be because they complete the picture. Some of the advice is even trickier than the readers think, yet are plainly thrown at us.

Here’s an example.

3.They’re the best part of your day

Well, we may also ask you about what the other part of your day looks like.

This can only be a good thing if you are generally happy with your life and this potential wife or husband adds to it.

That way, you win.

But, it could also be bad for you especially if you unhappy with your life and using this potential partner as some oasis. You’d rather get yourself together.

Here’s another one.

4.You prioritize them

You are actually concerned about their wants and needs and do it naturally in a way that does not tear you down.

But, sorry for you if you compromise your own needs and wants for their sake, and base your value in your ability to keep them happy.

Be careful not to confuse like for love

If you find them different than all others, cool for them. If you like more than their looks, there may be hope for you.

Also, if you want them to be happy, congrats. But, most of us want everyone to be happy. It’s not about love yet. If they inspire you to a better version of you, you are almost in the right direction.

Role models have this effect on their subjects too.

So, what’s the right question to ask?

Loving someone and being in love with someone are different things.

‘Being in love with’ is merely an infatuation which is nothing as far as getting real love is concerned. Thus, what people should actually be asking is to how to know we love someone, and not in love with them.

How to know we love someone?

Now that you are enlightened, this section is healthy for you.

1.You know because you decided to love

Love is not a feeling, but a decision.

You don’t feel it, you actually do it. Love is an act, never a feeling. It’s an act of decision making, moment by moment. You decide to re-commit.

So, you know you love someone because you decided so, deliberately and consciously.

2.You should know because it’s an act done- the act of love

You should know because it's an act done- the act of love

Love is not mere words. You have to invest, exert effort.

If you love them, you don’t harm knowingly. You don’t manipulate, be jealous, petty or feel vengeful about them.

If you love them, you don’t consider their needs irritating or become gloverabby with them or their affection in return. Your security is guaranteed without the need for constant reassurance of it.

If you love, their viewpoints become your priority, and their needs become your own. You value their interest. You are ready to care and take care of them, accept and allow them to be part of you.

3.You should know because even when you don’t want to love them, you still love them

It’s a common observation to notice that many people claim they are in love when things, okay, the sky is clear, and the waters are calm.

But when a storm hits, it’s everyone for themselves.

If you are pissed or in a conflict, and your objective is reaching an agreement and not picking a winner, then it’s for sure you love that person.

You should know you love someone if you don’t get manipulative, defensive or insecure, don’t keep grudges, don’t keep score or worse, don’t consider ‘taking back your love’ as a way of administering punishment. If you aim to understand someone before being understood, then you love that person.

Love is when you are ready to compromise, apologize, forgive and act like you are both on the same bus.

It’s love when you can love someone even when you’re hurt. It’s love when you can honor and respect their needs and wants even if it includes ‘breaking up.’

So next time, remember that it’s not how to know if you are in love but rather, how to know you love them. You know you love because you decide to. It involves doing it, and it wins all the time.

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Marriage.com Editorial Team Relationship & Marriage Advice

The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts... Read more to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice. Read less