Marriage is such an important passage for any person that chooses to go through it. Back in the day, intimacy did not occur until a person chose to get married, especially for people who came from a specific religious background or their cultural beliefs did not allow.
The stigma of being a virgin when getting married is no longer there. More and more couples are living together before marriage.
There is a saying that states why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, which goes for a marriage. Many people would rather live together than get married. The belief is that once married things will change.
Men are more hesitant to sign this long-time commitment, versus a woman who wants a nice and extravagant wedding.
Nevertheless, intimacy in marriage or a close, romantic relationship is very important as it builds a strong bond of trust and promotes monogamy between couples.
That answers the question, “is sex important in a relationship?”
What is intimacy in marriage or a relationship?
Some say intimacy in relationship is engaging in sexual acts while others say it is the connection you have with your partner.
Referring to intimacy in marriage, women want romance, while men want to quickly undress and jump in bed with their partner. There are some men that want romance, just as there are women that are very sexual.
Intimacy in a healthy relationship needs to continue to be an important factor in any partnership between couples, no matter how long a couple has been together. However, I do think that it changes and it becomes more difficult.
Reasons behind the lack of intimacy
Things like work, children, and household duties make it difficult to just stay in that honeymoon stage of intimacy in marriage. Work can cause stress, children can cause one to be exhausted, making it more important to sleep than to be intimate. Intimacy often goes for a toss at the behest of regimentation of life.
Some partners carry more on their plates and are still expected to perform, and if not this causes issues in the relationship including lack of physical intimacy in marriage.
If you fall into a state of complacency, you may accidentally kill your sex life and forget how to create intimacy in marriage, it becomes a difficult chasm to cross and you reach a stalemate in marriage.
The partner not receiving the love and intimacy feel unwanted and unimportant. This may not be the cause but is something that should be addressed.
Try to schedule these dates at least once a month, if you want an intimate marriage.
This can be going out to dinner and having children sleep over someone’s home if that is not possible having children be watched at home. If once a month is not enough for couples maybe doing it two times a month.
Improve your work-life balance
Sometimes it is not children that make it difficult but work responsibilities. If one of the individuals is busy with work, having the other individual meet them at work and having dinner or lunch.
Take the wet blanket off with open communication
The couple must voice what it is they are looking for in the relationship/marriage. It can be very difficult for a person to voice what it is they are looking for when being intimate, but it would definitely assist and make the relationship better.
It is also important to note that someone’s type of intimacy is not the same for another person.
Having clear views, expectations, and understandings of what it is one wants will ultimately help the relationship and improve sex life.
One must remember that sexual intimacy is needed for men and a choice for women. Emotional intimacy is needed for women and a choice for men. Choose to enjoy both more.
It would be helpful to remember that marriage without intimacy can pose a potential threat to relationship longevity and may leave couples more-or-less as roommates. Don’t let lack of intimacy drift you into becoming a worn-out couple in a loveless marriage.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Lorena Magallanes is a licensed marriage and family therapist providing support to families, children, youth, and couples. She earned her bachelors in Psychology and masters in Marriage and Family Therapy from the University of La Verne. She recently also earned her masters in School Counseling with PPS credential. She has been providing therapeutic services since 2011. She currently works at Bonita Unified School District as a therapist providing therapy to children, teens, and families. Her interests include cognitive behavioral therapy, restorative practices, mindfulness, and wellness.