How to Forgive Your Husband for Saying Hurtful Things

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Kaida Hollister, Author

Kaida Hollister

Expertise: Marital reconciliation, Family therapy

Passionate relationship writer, Kaida Hollister, renowned for insightful and engaging writing on love, human connection, psychology, and personal growth.

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Updated: 16 Jan, 2024

Table of Contents

Hurtful words happen, and you can respond as a team by validating feelings and choosing calm, constructive talk instead of blame.
There's a difference between a slip-up and aggression, and commit to healthy, assertive communication—seeking guidance if needed—to protect your connection.
Forgiveness grows with validation and positive focus, and by noticing hurt without blaming, practicing calm reflection, and nurturing love, you deepen closeness as partners.

Ideally, you won’t ever have to wonder how to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things. Nonetheless, such a fairytale rarely (if ever) happens in real life. In reality, no husband is such a prince that he never says anything hurtful.

That doesn’t mean he’s a bad person, he’s only a human. We all say something unkind, either in the heat of the moment or unintentionally. If you’re wondering how to forgive your husband for committing such marital transgressions, here are four things to consider and understand first.

What’s OK and what’s not in marriage

As we already mentioned, people say hurtful things. This has been happening since the beginning of time and will continue to happen.

Our next section will demonstrate why and how this happens.

Moreover, what can you do when your spouse says hurtful things or when your husband is mean. Understanding how to get over hurtful words in a relationship can help you move on and not resent your partner.

For now, it’s important to understand that you should not consider every exchange in which you felt uncomfortable a hurtful exchange. You do have the right to your own experience of whatever was said, but please consider the nuances of communication.

In other words, you and your husband are merely two humans very much inclined and capable of saying hurtful things in a relationship. As such, it is inevitable to hit a bump here and there and to say something upsetting from time to time.

There is a difference between verbal aggression and a slip-up. The intention behind what was being said and the frequency of such remarks are some of the aspects of the said difference.

As you can already assume, aggression isn’t alright. As a matter of fact, it is considered one of the three major deal-breakers in marriage.

The other two are addictions and affairs.

If you feel that your husband is plain aggressive, and not just a bit temperamental and clumsy in an argument, you should consider a more thorough change in your relationship rather than just finding ways to forgive your husband.

Reasons why people say hurtful things or hear hurtful things

Women often wonder, why does my boyfriend say hurtful things? or my husband says hurtful things when we fight?

Apart from aggression and a desire to dominate a conversation and the relationship, people can say cruel things for many reasons. As an example, your husband might feel intimidated himself and tries to maintain his position by being spiteful. Or, he might have been raised

that way, to believe men are to be tactless, and women submissive.

However, as research shows, it is not an entirely objective phenomenon. In other words, the cruelty might also be (at least in part) in the ears of the beholder.

It appears that the same statement can be perceived differently based on a number of factors. Among others, relationship satisfaction was proven to influence how the receiver of the upsetting message will perceive it.

How you comprehend hurtful words in a marriage can have a significant effect on your relationship.

So, in essence, it is both you and your husband who have the power and the responsibility to ensure that your communication is direct and kind.

He needs to understand what is hurtful to you and avoid such language or tone of voice. You, on the other hand, have the power to change your own experience and perception.

The reasons why people say hurtful things

How to learn to communicate in marriage

For a marriage to work, and for the communication to be productive, many couples often require a bit of guidance. It is not that you need an expert to teach you how to talk to each other, but the majority of people have a few destructive habits in communication.

We had learned these inadequate ways of conveying our thoughts when we were children, and we need a bit of help to learn new and healthy communication skills.

Therefore, reach out to a therapist, buy a book or two, or search the internet, but do make sure that you both undergo a cleanup of your communication styles. You should learn how to be assertive at all times, to avoid being unfair and hurtful to each other.

Avoid passive or aggressive styles in communication and always strive for healthy assertive communication.

Yes, you are wondering how to forgive your husband, but it’s also entirely possible that he feels the same. You’re a team in this!

Path to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things

Follow these steps to know what to do when your husband says hurtful things? Or how to get over hurtful words from your husband.

Validate your emotions

No matter how you feel after talking to your husband, it’s relevant and valid. Whether it was intentional or not, if you feel hurt, accept it and validate it.

Find a constructive relief

Engaging in a hurtful exchange won’t solve anything, it will only make things worse. Instead, write in a diary, talk to a friend, or do something productive until you feel calm again.

Examine the problem analytically

Try to imagine it was someone else who just had that argument. Is there a way to see things differently?

Focus on the positive

Pay attention to the positive side of your marriage, and work on promoting those aspects of your relationship. Emphasize the love and care for each other, and concentrate on that to move on.

Forgiveness is an art and one that brings immense peace to an individual and to a relationship. Practicing forgiveness where it is necessary should not be an option for you; it should be a must to maintain a healthy and happy relationship.

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Kaida Hollister Author

Kaida Hollister is a passionate relationship writer, renowned for her ability to shed light on the intricacies of love and human connection. With a deep understanding of psychology and personal growth, she has become known for her... Read more insightful and engaging writing on these subjects. When she’s not busy crafting thought-provoking articles, Kaida can often be found pursuing her love of dance. She is also an avid foodie and enjoys exploring new flavors and cuisines. With a curious and open-minded approach to life, Kaida is committed to helping readers deepen their understanding of themselves and their relationships. Read less