In the day to day realities of the real world, many things can take a toll on your relationship, once the newness wears off, such as bills, job, school, family, faith, relationships, kids, and businesses.
The emotional connection that you both share, which made you smile in the middle of the day, is interrupted a little too often, and there is no time for a getaway. Frustration can set in quickly.
The flirting looks and sexy words are gone. “Grow up; nobody is nice and fun all the time.” Wrong!
In a study conducted by Marriage.com, three women who had been married for over 20 years each, shared their secrets on how to emotionally connect with a man.
The article shares some of the real-time cases from that study to help you connect emotionally with your husband.
Some real-time cases
Janelle (beautician) is married to Ronnie (an auto mechanic) for 23 years.
“My man likes consistency, and to be honest; I do too. After working all day, dealing with demands from nice and not so nice customers, and sometimes an angry ex-wife, Ronnie can count on me not being a bombshell or being emotionally down at the end of a long day.
Even though we have problems from time to time, I make sure I remind myself to be a person I would want to be around every day.
He doesn’t want to get hit with tricky attention-seeking, over-emotional or complaining woman when he least feels likes it.”
“Yes, we talk about everything, but we have an unspoken subliminal loo that helps us get ready for the tough talks.
We plan those talks. We guard our relationship’s emotional stability. I offer him an even temperament that ensures that he can look forward to sharing his days with me.
He can look forward to celebrating with me and having a good time. Of course, I’m not predictable all the time, but the temperament of our relationship is consistent. That helps a lot.
It makes it easy to connect emotionally. As time goes on, it gets easier.”
Shelia (a lawyer) married to Stanly(a professor at a university) for 25 years.
“To stay emotionally connected to Stanly, I make him feel good about himself. Even when he fails, I encourage him.
He never tires of sincere compliments. Who doesn’t? He especially likes it when I second his emotions with, that’s right.
I never criticize him on his face. I work that frustration off with my secret girlfriends, Hey, that’s what they are for, right? I feel that the best emotional connection a couple can have is when they agree.”
Yvonne (daycare worker) married to Paul (a salesman) for 21 years.
I find my man interesting, always have, from the first time I met him. When he talks, I do not interrupt him. He said he liked that about me right from the start.
He says when a woman interrupts a man, he feels she is not interested in what he has to say.
Well, I’ve learned a lot from Paul. I hate sports, especially football, and basketball. But because I know he loves sports, I go to a game with him every once in a while. As I watch, he explains the game, and before you know it, I know what is going on.
Once, I found myself cheering for a touchdown, but Paul quickly reminded me that it was not our team. But he said he was glad I knew what a touchdown was.
Sports are still not my thing. It doesn’t matter, Paul loves talking about the scores and likes it when I know what he’s talking about.
I feel that the person you’re with should share an interest in the things you are passionate about. It connects you emotionally and creates a lot of good memories that will get you through the good and the bad times.”
Patience is the key
In conclusion, all respondents agreed that it is not easy to connect emotionally with your husband, but it gets easier with practice and time. Plus, the benefits are worth it.
It all boils down to acceptance and validation. The women stay connected with their men by being agreeable, consistent in temperament, and encouraging.
They all seem to have great memories of their spouses to fall back on whenever they go along with something just for the sake of harmony in the relationship or just to please their man.
None of the women felt the work they put into their relationship was unfair because of what they got in return, a lasting love.
Connecting emotionally with a man
At the beginning of this article, we shared some side effects of not being able to connect emotionally with your husband. Now we share certain things you should keep in mind on how to rebuild the emotional connection with a man.
Open and honest communication – Let your husband know, gently, how you are feeling. Tell him you don’t feel as close to him as you once were. Ask if there is anything you can do to help you bond together again.
Don’t play the blame game – Do not tell him that it is his fault that you feel disconnected. Putting all the blame on him will get him defensive and create unhealthy communication. Instead, express your desire to be as connected to him as you once were.
Schedule date nights – Scheduling a date night once a week and religiously following it will create a deeper emotional connection for both parties.
Have regular sex – This may be difficult to do, especially if you feel no emotional connection, but having sex is going to be beneficial to both of you. Sex that results in orgasm is one of the biggest doses of oxytocin, or “the love drug” you will ever get.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.