When I uttered these words to my husband a few years ago, he was so shocked. Marriage is not an easy thing.
There are days you feel like you no longer love your partner or you think that you can’t take some of the things in your marriage anymore. These two may make you feel like you want to be done with the whole relationship.
When I told my husband that I wanted a divorce, we were going through a rough patch in our marriage. I felt that we argue too much and just couldn’t take it anymore.
I am glad that we decided to talk things out and find possible solutions on how to save our marriage.
These are some of the tips we used to avoid divorce and strengthen our marriage :
1. We started communicating better
As I mentioned earlier, one of our biggest challenges was that we were arguing too much.
Arguing is healthy for a relationship, up to a point. If you argue about every small thing, more often than not there’s usually an underlying issue that you both aren’t talking about.
Be free to talk to your partner. Talk about the hurtful and uncomfortable things. With communication, you can get to the root of your problem and discuss the solution.
2. Forgive and respect each other
One of the main contributors to the falling apart of many marriages is when one or both partner holds a grudge against the other.
You might find yourself having pent up anger that may lead to you resenting your spouse. At times, this resentment may result in you losing some of the respect you have for your partner.
Sit down and talk about all the things that make you get such feelings and let go of all that trash and apologize to each other. In marriage, forgiveness should always come quickly.
3. Maintain a healthy sex life
Sex matters a lot in marriage. After a few years of being married and raising your children, you might find that you stop putting your sexual relationship with your partner as a priority.
When we were talking about the reasons that had led to me asking my husband for a divorce, sex was one of the factors.
We hadn’t had any sexual encounter for a few weeks except the usual pecks as we said goodbye as we left to work. We were too busy with work and taking care of the kids. Sexual intimacy is essential for couples as it deepens and strengthens your love for each other.
4. Take a break from your partner
Sometimes when you have been having a lot of stress in your marriage for a while, you may be tempted to entertain the thoughts of divorce.
Taking a break from each other for some time can help you think of the way forward and also give you time to evaluate the possible solutions.
When we went through our rough patch with my husband, we agreed to take a week away from each other to think about stuff. It helped us evaluate where we were in our relationship and what we were willing to change.
When we got back together, we were stronger than ever.
Also watch: 7 Most Common Reasons for Divorce
5. Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Admitting that your relationship needs some counseling from a third party is not easy.
We usually want to believe in our independence and that we can sort out our problems privately. However, asking for help may be the only way to save your relationship if the problems persist. You might get insight into some of the solutions that you both may have never thought of by yourselves.
You get to see the situation from a third party’s point of view. You are reminded of why you fell in love with your partner in the first place.
Many counselors today offer couples therapy. Consider booking a session if you want to salvage your marriage.
Marriage is not a bed of roses. It will not always be smooth sailing. You will face many ups and downs. The number of failed marriages in the world is rising every day.
If you want to strengthen your marriage and avoid divorce, you can use the above tips. My husband and I are among the happiest couples now.
We became closer than we had ever been before. The above methods worked perfectly for us; I believe they will work for you too. Your children are better off growing in a nuclear family.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Kevin Whalez is a practising psychologist and a freelance blogger, who currently run Potency Up resource. He has professional skills to help men learn to cope more effectively with life problems. He is into writing articles where he gives recommendations on how to handle mental and health issues.