Marriage is a very beautiful and sacred bond. It brings together two people in a union that can compare to no other. This is not something you are born into, it is something you choose for yourself. Formed out of love, devotion and desire it is one of the most cherished relation to exist.
Just like any other relation, marriage is not free from its ups and downs. This is only natural for humans. Be completely honest with yourself, wouldn’t you be a little weirded out if everything was just fine and dandy all the time?
These ups and downs are really necessary for a relationship to progress and grow into something stronger and more beautiful. It helps you learn more about each other and makes you realise how much you love and need the other person in your life.
However, there are times when it is not like that. Times when you question if you made the right decision by forming this relationship. These are the times when some even consider getting a divorce.
What is it that makes people want to get a divorce
Though divorce is not a pretty affair for anyone it has become extremely common in our societies. It brings about feelings that no one wants to go through. Pain, regret, hurt, fear, insecurity, all these feelings are bound to come along with a divorce at varying intensities.
So, what is it that makes people want to get a divorce and is it right for you to get a divorce or not?
Why do you want to get a divorce?
Question yourself. Sit down and think about if you really want a divorce. Contemplate all the factors that are pushing you to think about a divorce and list them down. Now ask yourself that are the things you listed down really something that you would get divorced over?
Now think about all the things you love about your partner. Things that made you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Do those things really not matter as much to you know? Have those things completely disappeared? Has your partner not remained the person you married?
Think about all these things with a rational mind. Thoroughly and fairly. If after all that you reach to the conclusion that the bad overweigh the good, then you should consider something so drastic.
Revisit your feelings
Go back to where it all started. Go back to the time when you decided to spend your life with this person. What was so different then? Do you not love you partner anymore? Have your feelings changed? And most importantly can you spend your life without them?
If you are really confused, try taking some time apart. Having some space can always help you realise what you’re missing and things that really matter to you.
It can also make you think with a clearer head. When you are surrounded by people, everyone has a different opinion, and each one can sound equally compelling.
However, in you time alone think about your relationship and listen to what your heart says.
Talk it out!
Just talk to each other. Tell your partner how you feel and listen to how they feel as well. Talk about your problems in a civil manner. If it’s hard to do so, visit a councillor. Getting professional help is always a good idea.
Maybe things are not actually as bad as they seem. Maybe things can still work out. Maybe it’s the lack of communication that is causing so many problems! Try considering these factors before you make the final decision.
Get a professional opinion
As mentioned before, talk to a marriage council. Share your problems with them. They will probably be able to suggest a better course of action.
While divorce is a painful process there are times when staying in a marriage is doing much more damage. These are some extreme situations. For instance, if your partner is abusive and oppressive then it is dangerous to stay in the relationship.
Similarly, if your partner indulges in relationships outside of your marriage, in spite of being forgiven time and time again. This is another scenario that would call for a separation as it damages not only your self-esteem but also your mental health.
Marriage is definitely not easy. There are many sacrifices and compromises to be made by both sides. This at times can get very overbearing. However, before you take any drastic measures it is vital to remember why you created this bond.
Sometimes, divorce may seem like the only plausible option, but you should stop and think about if your relationship is actually that damaged. Think thoroughly about your marriage and if there is really no way to fix it. Don’t rush into it.
At the end whatever you decide to do just remember that you do not have to put yourself through unnecessary pain and misery.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.