Dating During Divorce: The Pros and Cons

If you are contemplating dating while going through

All the heartache from your divorce feels lessened when you focus on dating during a divorce. However, tempting dating while divorcing is, it can also be a handful.

The emotional turmoil that divorce causes can be overwhelming, so we feel inclined to escape it by going into new relationships during a divorce.rough a divorce, you might want to think again.

There are good reasons not to date and hold off from dating before divorce is final.

How to date during divorce?

There are many ways to date during divorce in a healthy way. Some couples date while they are still married, others date after the divorce is finalized. 

Know the ways of how to date during the divorce in a healthy way:

• Take it slow

Dating during divorce can be a very emotional time for both you and your partner. Don’t rush it! Take your time and really get to know one another before anything else happens. Try to get a deeper connection before making love.

• Make yourself emotionally ready

First, start by taking stock of your feelings and be honest about them with your partner or potential partner. Talk openly about your fears and anxieties and make sure you communicate them clearly to your partner or potential partner.

• Let your lawyer know

If your lawyer says it’s okay, tell your ex-spouse that you’re dating another person. When talking to your kids about your new relationship, be careful not to tell the kids that their parents are having problems together. Children are very intuitive and they can pick up subtle signals that your parents are fighting.

• Introduce them to your children slowly

Take the time to introduce your new part\er to your children. Give them some time to get to know you and to let them adjust to the idea that you have a new person in your life.

5 pros of dating during divorce

Dating during divorce can be a great way to take your mind off of the situation and focus on something else

1. It can take the mind away from divorce

Dating can be a fun and stimulating way to spend your time, and it can help take the focus off of the difficult situation you’re going through with your divorce. If you’re feeling sad or depressed about your divorce, dating can give you something fun to do and take your mind off of your divorce for a while.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, says

However, be careful not to get too distracted by dating that you avoid healing from the divorce.

2. Dating can make you feel more confident

When you’re going through a divorce, it can be really depressing and lonely. You may feel like you don’t have a future to look forward to because you’re stuck dealing with your divorce. However, dating can make you feel more positive about the future.

3. Your friends can guide you through the relationship process

Sometimes when you’re in a new relationship, it can make you feel like you’re on your own. However, your friends can guide you through the relationship process and support you when you’re going through a hard time.

4. Dating can help you stay positive, and have some fun

When you’re going through a hard situation like a divorce, it can be very depressing and lonely. Dating can break up this monotony and give you an opportunity to have some fun and enjoy yourself. Dating can also help you maintain a positive attitude because you’ll be focused on building new relationships rather than dwelling on your past relationship.

5. Dating can keep you from being isolated from other people

Divorce can be a very isolating experience because it makes you feel like you’re all alone in the world. When you’re dating someone, you can share some of your experiences with them and keep yourself connected to the outside world.

10 cons of dating during divorce

Dating during divorce can be a risky affair. Know the reasons you should avoid doing so:

1. Slowing down your healing

Going through a divorce and dating can feel like a godsend. You finally feel a bit better amidst the emotional chaos.

Dating while a divorce is pending can slow the healing process down. You are focusing on the new relationship and most often ignoring the turmoil inside you.

However, there are no shortcuts around dealing with pain, disappointment, and grief. Even if divorce is consensual, there are still lessons to comprehend and absorb.

You might wonder, can you date during a divorce and how long to wait after divorce to date?

No one can forbid you to do anything. However, if at all possible, try to postpone dating until you feel comfortable on your own. When you are happy being single, you are ready to be with someone new.

2. Intensifying conflict with your ex

Regardless of how peaceful your divorce is when your ex realizes you started dating while a divorce is pending, they might become jealous and look to retribute for the hurt.

Their retribution during a divorce is possible in so many ways. Dating during the divorce process can anger your soon-to-be-ex, and they can make rational decisions, eventually harming you.

3. Compromising on parenting

Studies show that divorce effects on children intensify if, after the divorce, they live in a home environment that is less supportive and stimulating. Their mother is less sensitive and more depressed.

Divorcing and dating can take up so much of your energy that you might miss some of the signs children try to send.

Also, spending time with your new partner can feel exhilarating, so you might also cut down on time with kids and miss out on helping heal.

Maggie Martinez further adds,

Ensure that while you are prioritizing your healing, you are not neglecting your children’s emotions in the process.

4. Financial costs

Divorce and new relationships don’t go well together. Although you might have been emotionally and otherwise distant for years, if your spouse knows you are dating before divorce is over, they will become upset.

They might want to limit the happiness you experience with your new partner, and the only way they can influence that is through money.

Starting a new relationship during divorce means they might fight you harder over the money, which can prolong the divorce, hence increasing the financial costs.

Furthermore, if you are going to be receiving spousal support, they can argue that they don’t want to pay for you and your new partner.

If you are the one that will be paying spousal support, your ex might demand more money, so they get to hurt you.

Also watch: 5 financial myths about divorce.

5. Lower settlement options

Your spouse might also argue that your new relationship is an old one and is the actual reason for the marriage falling apart.

Even when that is not true, an agitated spouse could try to build a case against you, claiming your extramarital relationship is the root cause of the divorce.

A judge might consider this and rule more favorably towards your ex-spouse.

If you are wondering “is it illegal to date while going through a divorce,” you might want to consult your legal advisor.

There are some states where the concept of fault in divorce is still used. If your new relationship is categorized as adultery, you might lose spousal support or need to pay higher amounts of it.

6. Negative effects on kids

Children are prone to blame themselves for the divorce, so by dating during divorce, they might think you couldn’t wait to get rid of your family (including them).

They might think that your marriage was never worth anything to you, or that being single is scary.

Though some studies show that parental divorce itself doesn’t affect children and that parental behavior does not significantly change, divorce leads to worry, exhaustion, and stress for parents.

On the other hand, studies have also argued that children fare better when parents work at maintaining the marriage rather than getting divorced.

This, in turn, can impact their parenting style and capacities. If you add to that the worries over a new relationship, you can begin to see how little energy can be left to tend to children’s increasing emotional needs during a divorce.

7. Effect on friends and wider family

The wider your support system is, the stronger you are in tackling life challenges. When dating during a divorce, you might end up jeopardizing that network.

They might also be friends with your soon-to-be-ex and dislike your choices. Decreasing this support base can make you more dependent on your new partner.

This can turn out not to be the wisest idea since you don’t know how willing or able are to be there for you and for how long.

8. Parenting arrangement

Divorce is a sensitive time when we need to be careful about the choices we make. Decisions made in that time can later, with a cool head, appear less attractive.

For example, finding the comfort of your new partnership, you might agree to a parenting schedule you later come to regret.

Furthermore, you might not have the best negotiating position if you are dating during a divorce. Your ex might argue that your home environment is not the best place for them.

They can worry about how your new partner will affect the children and become more restrictive about sharing time.

9. Children’s negative impact on your new relationship

Divorce is a disturbing time for your children too. If you bring a new partner in their life when there is so much change already, they will most likely reject them.

Allowing time to pass before introducing them to your new partner increases the chances of a good outcome.

Maggie Martinez believes,

It also helps to be upfront and honest with them prior to having them meet the person you are dating.

10. Negative effect on your future relationships and self-esteem

Divorcing can feel like you are free again and can’t wait to conquer the newfound sense of independence.

At first, a new relationship feels like a blessing and a validation you awaited for so long. You feel attractive, fun, and energized again.

However, you are going through a lot, and the choices you make at that time might not be the best ones for you. In the beginning, your self-esteem rises; however, this effect doesn’t necessarily stick.

When you are single, and you overcome divorce, you can attribute your success only to yourself.

On the other hand, if you are going from one to the next relationship while divorcing, you might draw the wrong concussion.

You might think you can’t be alone, or that you are not ready to deal with problems without a partner by your side.

Dating during a divorce can lead to poor choices of partners that validate the negative self-image. Once validated, it drives the future unfavorable partner’s choices, and it becomes a vicious circle.

Takeaway

Avoid the pitfalls of dating during a divorce. Dating someone going through a divorce can be tough.

Dating during a divorce can impair your healing, your children’s recovery, and your relationship with your spouse and friends. It can lead to poor decision making on both sides, hence increase the financial costs.

Consider dating when you have dealt with the emotional turmoil that divorce has caused, and you feel comfortable being single. Then you are ready to try and share your life with someone.