You’ve been flirting with the idea for a while now, but are you really ready for a divorce? There’s more to a divorce than just being angry, or you’ve lost interest lately.
Even when you’re intensively hurt, it doesn’t have to be the introduction to the life of a divorcee. Same as getting married, and sometimes even more, especially when children are involved, getting a divorce is the most important decision you will make in your life.
So, it’s worth taking extra caution in determining if you’re really ready for it. Here are five things to consider before you announce separation.
Are you thinking about divorce because you’re hurt?
Many of you will shout: “Well, duh!” But, stay with us for a moment before dismissing this question. Yes, marriage should be about support and love, not about being hurt and overcoming that.
But, in reality, a few marriages can be described as painless. Husbands and wives are also humans, they aren’t perfect, and they do make mistakes. Mistakes that hurt us.
Although getting intensively hurt by your spouse can and often is a valid cause of a divorce, you shouldn’t be making that decision in the heat of the moment.
Divorce is more than a reaction to emotional pain. It is also a practical thing. Moreover, being hurt by your spouse might even be the initiator of a positive change in marriage, if you use it to grow as a couple and as individuals.
Do you plan on using the divorce threat to fix your spouse
Although we aren’t eager to admit it, some of us tend to use the threat of a divorce as a tool for improving your spouse. But, to say it up front, it never works. Although the spouse might even make some changes in their effort to prevent the separation, this is never a good tactic. Not to say that it is the sign that you’re actually not ready for a divorce.
As we already said, a divorce is a decision that needs to come from a place of a thorough consideration and contemplation.
Not from the heat of the moment, or, even less, from a desire that is in opposition to the separation – to keep the spouse, an improved version of them. You do not want to get a divorce if you’re really hoping that it would actually fix things.
Have you considered everything that will happen?
You aren’t ready for a divorce until you’ve carefully considered every aspect of it. That includes a lot of pragmatic issues. Unfortunately, there’s a lot more to separation than the matters of the heart. Even when you are through with someone emotionally, you still share tons of financial, social, and other obligations and perks.
When you divorce your spouse, all of this will change. Your social life won’t be the same. You will probably feel the financial burden of being single again. You might need to change your career or to get back to work. Your living arrangements will change. You will be alone for many things in life again.
Be sure to consider these and other issues and to find solutions to potential problems prior to asking for a divorce.
Did you resolve the inner conflict about getting divorced?
Everyone is conflicted when they’re getting a divorce. You might be entirely certain that you want out of the marriage, but still feel guilt over it. Or, you might be intensively hurt by your spouse and trying to fix the problem, but still, realize that you’d be better off without them.
Before you go ahead with the divorce, you need to resolve these and other conflicts as much as possible. When you find yourself in the midst of the separation process, you probably won’t have the energy to spare. And if you’re still profoundly conflicted about some aspects of it, it will make things that much more difficult.
After all of the above-listed questions, you now need to ask yourself – are you ready to be single again? Getting a divorce without being certain that you’re up for the challenge isn’t a good idea. Do a bit of mental preparation before you venture on. Being single might mean that you’ll have to deal with many new challenges.
On the other hand, being single could be very invigorating and might revive your zest for life. It’s scary to get back on the singles market, especially for people who were married for decades. But, when contemplating divorce, consider the ups of this fact. You will get a chance to meet someone new and be someone new, a better you.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.