20 Marriage Discussion Topics You Should Definitely Bring Up

It would be best if you discussed many things before you get married, which may help you learn more about your partner before the big day. This article will let you know some of the most important marriage discussion topics to consider in case you need some advice.

Kimberly Smith, LMHC, says

Before saying ‘I do,’ it’s important to sit and have uncomfortable conversations as they are the seeds of understanding, nourishing the soil of the union with the shared roots of values, ensuring that your journey together is guided not only by love’s embrace but by the compass of mutual respect and alignment of hearts and minds.

How do you stop worrying about marriage?

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You may be worried about many things when it comes to getting married, and you may not know how to stop this worrying. One way to stop is to determine what you are worried about and think of the consequences if this fear happened.

For instance, if you are scared that something may not be perfect at the wedding, think about how you will feel if this does occur. Will it keep you from being happy or cause you to call off the wedding? Chances are it won’t be that big of a deal regarding everything that will happen during your big day.

Worrying can cause you to be unable to do other things you need to do and could lead to cognitive problems overall. This is why it is necessary to stop worrying, whether it is about marriage or other topics.

What topics should be discussed before marriage?

There are plenty of topics to discuss before marriage, and you should think long and hard about what you want to know about your prospective spouse before you get married. Here is a look at a few topics to consider.

1. Upbringing

Some marriage discussion topics are also things to talk about before getting engaged. One of these things is a person’s upbringing. You can tell them how you were raised, your childhood, or other things you would like to share.

Ask them to do the same, and ensure that you pay attention to what they tell you.

2. Parents

One of the first marriage topics to talk about is parents. You can tell your partner what your parents are like if they are still living, and what type of relationship you have with them. 

Moreover, it is important to discuss the relationships you have with other members of your family.

For instance, if your sister is your best friend, this is something that your prospective mate will need to know.

3. Likes

More questions to discuss before marriage include what a person’s likes are. You may want to know their favorite color, food, or movie. This can tell you a lot about someone, and you might also find that you have much in common.

They may have been exposed to things you haven’t even heard of, so this gives you a chance to bond with them.

4. Dislikes

Dislikes are also important to know about. If your mate doesn’t like apple juice or doesn’t like to wear socks, these things make them who they are.

Chances are you would like to be apprised of what they don’t like or don’t like to do, so you can decide if these things are okay with you.

5. Dating

Another of the top things to talk about before marriage is dating. This specifically means what someone’s rules for dating are. 

Are there dealbreakers or things they don’t like when dating?

You should make sure that you hear what they say, but you should also speak up about how you feel about dating.

6. Past relationships

Your future spouse should also be aware of your past relationships, which is specifically important if you have had an ex-fiancé or someone you thought was the one.

If you don’t have this discussion, you may be caught unaware when exes message your mate or you see them somewhere, both of which you’d probably like to avoid.

7. Expectations

It would be best if you also understood what will be expected of you out of the relationship from your partner. You can ask what they expect their spouse to do regarding working and division of duties.

This also involves what you expect out of the relationship. You will need to know if your expectations work well with theirs before you tie the knot.

8. Thoughts on love

Love is also on the list of marriage topics to discuss. You will need to know if your partner believes in love and what that means to them. Also, you should be able to say how you feel about love.

Research shows that when a child has seen examples of loving relationships, this can help them have healthy relationships later in life. This is why it is important to talk about their thoughts on love and relationships.

If you have been dating for some time, you should also be able to discuss your love for each other and what you like about one another.

9. Money

It can be very helpful to know how your significant other handles money and their finances before you get married. If there are debts that may affect you as their spouse or someone is already wealthy, these are things that you would probably like to know more about before you say I do.

10. Children

How does your partner feel about children? You likely don’t want to wake up one day and find out that your mate wants kids, and you don’t. This is why choosing which conversations to have before marriage is vital, depending on what is important to you.

Discuss how each of you feels about kids and whether you want them. You should also consider if you will be okay if you don’t have them and talk about that.

11. Career

It would help if you talked about your jobs and careers. Do you currently have a career, or would you like to pursue something special one day? If you will likely have to go back to school or work your way up through your marriage, this is a matter to discuss with your future spouse.

12. Goals

Are there specific goals that each of you has? Are you willing to help each other meet their personal goals? There may also be goals that you want to work towards together. Talk about all these things and see if you agree with them.

If you can agree to help your partner meet their goals or work through things together, this will let them know that they can count on you.

13. Hobbies

In some instances, a person may have hobbies that are significant to them. Perhaps your mate likes to play video games or drink craft beer. If this is something that they spend a lot of time doing, you should be aware of it to learn more.

Tell them about your hobbies too and what you spend your time doing. This can be another topic where there is plenty of common ground.

Related Reading: Bonding Hobbies for Couples

14. Beliefs

You must know the religious beliefs and what your partner stands for. It would help if you also told them about yourself. Even when you don’t believe the same things, this doesn’t mean that you may not agree on your beliefs after you learn more about each other.

This topic should be considered, especially if you want to understand more about them as a person.

15. Health

While a person’s health may not seem like one of the marriage topics for discussion that you are used to, it can be quite important for you to know. If your partner has an existing condition, such as asthma or diabetes, this may require you to care for them, in certain regards.

On the other hand, it can help you relax to know when your prospective partner is in good health.

Related Reading: 21 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Strong, Healthy, and Happy

16. Sex

You need to know how your mate feels about sex and how it relates to your relationship. They may want it several times and have different expectations of you. 

As long as you talk about these things and agree on conditions, there is no reason that you can’t come to a compromise that works for both of you.

17. Skills

There may be other things that your significant other can do that you need to talk about as well. One example is if they can cook well or can play the piano. 

These things can change aspects of your relationship, and it would be a good idea to know before you move in and start your new life together.

18. Domestic duties

Another example of marriage discussion topics you may miss is how they feel about domestic duties. 

Do they agree that you should share chores, or do they expect one person to do everything?

It would help if you mulled over these things together until you can decide who will do what when you are in a house together. It isn’t fair for one person to do everything unless that is agreed upon ahead of time.

Related Reading: How to Avoid Conflict Over Money and Domestic Duties

19. Pets

While this doesn’t seem like a big concern regarding marriage discussion topics, pets may be worth discussing. If you are allergic to cats and your partner has two of them, this is something that you will need to prepare for while you are dating and if you decide to get married.

In most cases, your partner will want to keep their pet and expect to bring them into the relationship or marriage.

20. Handling disagreements

In nearly all relationships, there will be disagreements from time to time. Understanding how your mate feels about settling disagreements before you decide to get married can be helpful.

Arguments can make a marriage stronger when they can be worked out, so you should find out more about compromise and conflict resolution while you are talking to your significant other about marriage discussion topics.

For further details about how you can prepare yourself for marriage, check out this video:

Five reasons you need to stop stressing about marriage discussion topics

When it comes to marriage discussion topics, you may get overwhelmed just thinking about them. However, this isn’t good for you to do.

1. Stress is bad for your health

You should stop stressing out about marriage discussions because they can cause multiple health problems if it escalates. Moreover, stressing about certain things will unlikely change the outcome.

Think about the last time you worried about something, and it changed a chain of events. This probably didn’t happen, so you should consider limiting how much you are worried about.

Related Reading: 20 Causes of Stress in Relationships and Its Effects

2. You’ll figure it out

Another reason you should stop stressing is that you can figure everything out over time. While you can read many different lists of things to discuss before marriage, the topics that are best for you and your mate will ultimately be determined by the two of you.

Many topics may arise when you talk to someone; if you are curious about something, ask them. There’s a chance you may find out exactly what you wanted to know.

3. It will be okay

Even if you think you won’t be able to find all the information you need to know before you get married, this may not be true. 

You might know all the things you need to know about your mate before you get married, especially once you start to list the marriage discussion topics you want to know more about.

Some couples get married without even taking the time to ask marriage discussion questions and can figure out issues as they pop up. This may be the case in your relationship as well.

4. Your support system is available

Something else that you must remember is that you don’t have to do everything yourself. You can ask people you know and care about for support, such as friends and family.

Make a list of discussion questions for married couples that you know, or ask some of your family members what they consider before you get marriage discussion topics.

5. Therapy can help

If you are still stressed after trying out these reasons, you can also talk to a therapist about how you feel. You can lean on them for marriage counseling as well.

It is okay to work with a counselor with your partner before you get married, so you can discuss some of the discussion questions about marriage that may be weighing on your mind.

The takeaway

When you think of getting married, there are many discussion topics. Then, as you get to know someone better, there may be even more. You may want to start with the list above and decide which topics are the most important.

Furthermore, you can ask friends and loved ones for advice and keep communicating with your partner. You may be able to discuss all the topics that mean something to you before you get married.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

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Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

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We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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