The start of any relationship can be euphoric! The endless texting and late-night conversations will take you to cloud nine, making you happier than ever. But have you been asking important questions for couples?
Unfortunately, the initial stage of any relationship does not last long, and as time passes, life gets more complicated. Soon, the romantic talks change into dull and mundane conversations, focusing mainly on what you’re having for dinner and who’ll have to pick up the laundry.
Most newlyweds believe that their relationship will never change. Many relationships fail as even the happy couples unknowingly distance themselves from each other and become emotionally disconnected.
Relationship Counselor H. Norman Wright, in ‘101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged,’ talks about how a high number of relationships fail as the partners don’t know each other well. Asking the right questions for couples can help change that.
The relationships that do thrive consist of people who have a different approach to things. These people are more determined to have long, meaningful, and open-minded conversations with each other instead of just discussing the dinner.
Remember three things when you start asking these questions for couples:
Do not focus on time. Focus on your partner.
Make yourself vulnerable to your partner, which will help build confidence and trust, bringing you closer.
Good couple questions will not make your partner feel like they are being interrogated. Be kind and considerate in your questioning.
140 questions for couples to ask each other
Communication plays an important role in the most successful and healthy relationships. Questions couples ask each other can help move the conversation along while giving them insight into their partner’s life, plans, and values.
Research has indicated that asking questions increases the likelihood and degree of someone liking you. It indicates an attachment and interest in the life and thoughts of the other person, which brings people closer.
Wondering what questions should couples ask each other? Don’t worry. We have assembled questions for couples that will provide new energy to their relationship and understanding.
To truly understand your partner and what sets them apart, it is important to ask them personal questions or get to know you questions for couples. These questions can be about their likes, dislikes, and hobbies. It can help you get a glimpse at their personality and personal preferences.
Try not to be afraid to ask these questions for couples. These can help you check whether you share commonalities with your partner. When a personal question is asked with an accepting demeanor and well-intentioned curiosity, your partner is more likely to answer honestly and freely.
You can treat these as relationship builder questions that can bring you closer to your partner.
Here are some personal questions to ask your significant other:
What is your favorite time of the day?
What was the last movie that you liked watching?
Who is your best friend?
Is there an author or poet whose words have particularly moved you?
Do you prefer eating out, ordering takeout, or cooking yourself?
What is your favorite cuisine?
Are you happy with your career right now?
Do you like meeting new people or hanging out with old friends?
Which is your favorite dessert?
What gives you comfort, a particular dish or activity?
Is there a favorite place that you like going to?
Would you rather watch a comedy special or the news?
Who is your favorite singer or band?
Do you believe in sun signs and horoscopes?
How was your week?
Do you have any tattoos? What does it mean?
What is your favorite childhood memory?
Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
What college did you go to?
What career path, apart from your own, appeals to you the most?
If you are picturing a future with your partner, there are a few details that you should have access to before that. Your partner’s expectations from relationships, their past, and boundaries within relationships.
Sometimes couples do not answer these questions truthfully to avoid conflict. However, it is important that your partner is honest and you are open to criticism to avoid any resentment or anger that may permanently damage your relationship in the future.
Often couples do not talk about what would hurt them and their relationship the most. It is vital to talk in-depth about what would severely hurt your partner to protect your relationship. Such questions for couples help them to state what are the ultimate deal breakers for them.
These questions can also include relationship goals questions for couples, where you both learn to be receptive to constructive criticism coming from each other. These questions can help you understand what works for your partner and whether you are compatible with each other.
Here are some such relationship questions for couples:
What is your ideal relationship?
What is the most important quality you value in a partner?
What is the best thing about our relationship?
When do you feel most loved by me?
What is the one thing that you would want me to change?
Do you feel underappreciated or undervalued in the relationship?
How would you wish for us to work through a significant disagreement?
Do you need time by yourself to be a better partner?
What do you think is your most prominent shortcoming as a partner?
What is a lesson that you have learned from your last relationship?
Do you see a future with me?
What is it that attracted you to me initially?
What is the happiest moment of our relationship for you?
How compatible do you think that we are as a couple?
Is our relationship the kind of relationship that you had envisioned for yourself?
What do you see as your role in the relationship?
What is the one relationship advice that has always stayed with you?
What is a mistake from a past relationship that you are trying not to repeat?
How is our relationship better than your previous ones?
Do you feel empowered or burdened in this relationship?
Flowers, dates, and conversations can all be considered romantic by different people. But what defines romance for your partner? What moves them?
Sharing ideas about romance can give your partner a chance to meet your expectations better. Expecting your partner to understand your romantic expectations on their own can be a recipe for disaster as it can lead to disappointment.
Think about the important things that make you and your partner happy in your relationship and discuss ways to fulfill those needs. Doing things that are important to your partner will strengthen your relationship, and that’s why this is one of the most important questions for couples.
Knowledge is power! Happy couples know the foremost important things their partner needs and can power through any challenges together. Have a look at these love questions to ask your partner and let them guide you:
What is romance for you?
What do you love about me?
Do you like candlelight dinners?
Do you prefer grand gestures of love or small meaningful ones?
Do you like romantic movies?
What does a hug from me make you feel?
Do you like holding hands?
Do you like receiving flowers?
What is a romantic date for you?
Do you believe in love at first sight?
What place does love hold in your life?
Do you believe in the idea of soulmates?
What is your favorite romantic song?
What is the most romantic thing that someone has done for you?
Why do you think that we are a good match for each other?
Do you think that love grows with time or it declines?
Do you find being in love scary?
Is romance in remembering the little details or in making the grand gesture?
Do you think that we balance each other out perfectly?
Do you like looking into my eyes?
Questions about sex
Sex is an important aspect of most relationships, and questions related to it are very important. Sexual compatibility is a significant indicator of a healthy and happy relationship. Sex-related questions can help you understand your partner’s sexual needs and expectations.
Lack of physical intimacy is one of the top reasons for distance and disconnection in marriage. Research proves that maintaining sexual intimacy is key to long-term relationship success. Remember to be gentle and optimistic when talking about sex, focusing on what you want and need.
The questions for couples that are sexual in nature help partners understand what works and what doesn’t to stimulate their sex life. If your marriage is experiencing a sexual rut, such insightful questions for couples can be a great way to perk up your sex life again.
Intimate questions to ask your partner can guide you through gaining information that is both new and beneficial for the relationship to get stronger. Here are some sex questions for couples that you can utilize:
Are you happy with our sex life?
How important is sex for you in a relationship?
Is there anything new that you would want us to try in bed?
What is the one thing that I do that indeed turns you on?
Is there anything that I do while having sex that doesn’t work for you?
Does watching steamy movie scenes stimulate you?
What is your favorite place to have sex?
Is there a sexual boundary that you would want your partner to respect at all times?
Do you have any sexual kink?
Are you into BDSM?
What is your opinion on polyamory? Are you open to it?
Do you think we have enough sex as a couple?
What can we do to let things be fresh in the bedroom?
What is your favorite sexual position?
Do you have any sexual fantasies?
What is the craziest thing you’ve done sexually?
What do you think is your best sexual trait?
How do you identify sexually?
Have you had some bad sexual experiences in the past?
Have you had a one-night stand?
Questions about future plans
If you are looking to build a future together with your partner, ask them about their plans. Their plans will have an impact on your life, so check for compatibility there.
The answer to such questions for couples about the future may change as time passes. But asking these questions will make you aware of your partner’s goals and help you provide support and advice, further strengthening your relationship.
There is a possibility that your partner’s plans for the future might be completely different from yours. You can make adjustments and consider how both of you can make certain compromises so that your plans for the future align. Here are some future related questions that you start with:
Would you like to live in another city/country in the future?
What is your ultimate career goal?
Would you want to get married in the future?
Is there any new language that you want to learn?
Do you plan to take an extended vacation in the future?
Are you planning a significant career change in the future?
Where are you planning to settle after you retire?
Is there a particular dream that you have for your future?
Would you like to take a sabbatical from work?
What is that one habit that you are trying to change for a better future?
Are you working towards leading a healthier lifestyle in the future?
What does your family life look like in the future?
Are you already saving up money for your future?
Are there any past actions that might cause problems in your future?
Are you planning a renovation of your home in the future?
Are you moving towards a more environmentally friendly lifestyle for a better future?
What kind of wedding do you envision in your future?
Have you invested in any risky venture that might crash in the future?
What is the one skill that you would like to master in the future?
Do you see yourself going down a spiritual path in the future?
Questions about having kids
Don’t set yourself up for failure and delay asking about your partner’s thoughts regarding children. Having kids is a huge responsibility, and it alters everyone’s life in a significant way. Therefore, it is important to have an honest conversation about it.
Whether you are willing to have children or not, be honest with yourself and your partner. These are the types of questions for couples that can help them get closer by understanding whether your family goals are aligned or not. You can begin with these questions:
Do you want to have kids?
How many would you ideally want to have?
Are you open to adopting kids?
Is there one key trait that you would want for your child to possess?
Would you want them to go to regular school or home school them?
How important is building a family for you?
Do you have any genetic condition that would impact your biological children?
Is there a particular career path that you would want your kids to take?
How would you deal with a child who isn’t doing well at school?
What would you do if your child hurt another person?
What would you do if your child was being bullied at school?
What do you think about the impact of technology on a child’s growth?
Do you approve of children having social media accounts at a young age?
Is there any activity that you would want to participate in with your children?
What good habits would you want to instill in your children?
What do you think is the perfect age to have kids?
Would you want your kids to grow up in the city, the suburbs, or the countryside?
What would you do to ensure that your kids are not spoiled?
Is it essential for you that your children have a good relationship with your parents?
How would you develop healthy eating habits in your kids?
Asking about kids might seem premature, but it is important to do so.
To learn more about questions that you should ask early in any relationship, watch this video:
Questions that reveal their true personality
Asking questions that reveal the true personality of your partner is extremely important. Whether they are an introvert, extrovert, like traveling, or other specifics of their personality will impact your compatibility over time.
Good questions to ask your partner may include questions about their feelings, mood, or past experiences. Their answer to these questions may reveal things they might have been trying to hide to protect themselves or avoid being a burden on you.
You must know each other’s problems so that you can provide understanding, support, and empathy. These insightful questions for couples will enable your partner to let their guard down and receive solace by confiding in you.
Here is a list of some such questions:
How do you relax after a hectic day?
What is your biggest fear?
How would you describe your childhood?
Do you like working out?
What brings you the most joy in your life?
What do you believe to be unforgivable and why?
What do you think is your biggest pet peeve?
What do you prefer doing on weekends?
Which would you choose, vacation at a beach or a mountain?
Is there anything that is giving you stress or anxiety?
Has there been a phase of your life that was truly bad for you?
Are you a spiritual person?
Would you change your job tomorrow if you had the chance?
Do you make friends easily?
What are you most grateful for in life?
What kind of music soothes you when you are anxious?
Do you like things to be organized and in order?
Are you artistic in any way?
Are you a homebody or a traveler by nature?
What is your favorite festival and why?
These questions for couples to ask each other are a great way to gain insight into what makes a healthy marriage. However, partners mustn’t look at these questions to ask each other as confrontation or a threat.
It is your right to raise questions to ask about all matters that can affect your relationship and future together. But it is essential to be gentle and have an open dialogue where you are honest too.
Remember, a happy relationship does not always involve grand romantic gestures; the little things make these couples happy and help their relationship thrive. These questions to ask each other are invaluable to deepen communication, empathy, and love for each other.
Try to take the time to ask your partner these questions for couples and move towards a healthier and positive relationship.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.