Is the Lack of Communication Harming Your Relationship?

Relationships have the tendency to be very complicated at times, due to the lack of or because of ineffective communication, and learning how to express and share your thoughts and feelings with your mate is important for the success of your relationship.

Developing the ability to effectively communicate your wants and needs in a loving way is the best skill you can learn that will enhance your relationship, bring you closer, and cause you to fall in over and over again each day. Couples who spend time together engaged in conversations have a better success rate of having a happy, loving, strong, and lasting relationship, than those who don’t talk at all or those who are in a relationship where there’s a lack of communication.

Communication strengthens the bond that holds a relationship together, and is extremely important to the health of the relationship, but when there is a lack of communication or no communication, the relationship begins to decline and eventually fail.

In every relationship, couples must understand that communication is a skill that has to be learned, because they bring their environment, past, and upbringing into the relationship, which causes their communication style to be different and based on their past and current experiences.

Quality of communication is also important

One of the most important things to understand is that, just because you’re talking to each other, doesn’t mean you’re communicating.

Communication is more than, “hey, how you’re doing, and what’s going on today”, it’s about having an engaging conversation, having the ability to listen and stay emotionally attuned, it’s the ability to have a conversation that is of substance, it’s the ability to have a conversation that causes you to think and challenges you, it’s having the ability to have a conversation that’s thought-provoking, and causes you to change so you can become a better version of yourself.

When you and your mate engage in conversation, you should become intellectually motivated and stimulated, and you become inspired, motivated, or encouraged in some way.

However, when there’s a lack of communication or no communication your relationship suffers and you end up drifting apart.

Blaming each other

Many couples complain about the lack of communication within their relationship, point fingers at each other when they stop communicating, and don’t take responsibility for their part in the problem.

Communication occurs between two people, not just one person, it takes two people to make a relationship work and it takes two people to communicate.

I always say, communication is a two street, you can either go in the same direction or you can make a U-turn, the choice is yours. There are many ways to improve communication in your relationship, but the question becomes are you willing to make changes and put in the work?

Many couples say that they want to improve their communication, but when it comes to doing the work or when they are given ways to change, they usually change their minds or say, “no, I’m not willing to do that” or “that’s hard, why should I do that.” So what are you willing to do to improve communication in your relationship? Are you willing to

1. Listen without interrupting
2. Stay focus and not allow your mind to wander
3. Be open and honest
4. Schedule time every day to have an engaging conversation
5. Ask clarifying questions, and don’t automatically assume and
6. Stop speaking for your mate

If you are not willing to do these things, then you’re not ready to improve communication in your relationship.

Communicating should be the top priority and should be an ongoing process in your relationship. Without communication there is no relationship, communication is like breathing, you need it for the relationship to survive, and there are benefits to improving communication in your relationship. For example:  

1. You become emotionally connected
2. You become closer
3. You build trust
4. You improve your listening skills
5. You increase your quality time

How important is communication to your relationship? How important is it to improve communication in your relationship? Are you willing to make changes to acquire the benefits that comes with improving communication between you and your mate? I’ve learned that learning new ways to communicate isn’t hard, but changing is the most challenging.

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Dr LaWanda N Evans Licensed Professional Counselor

Dr. LaWanda N. Evans specializes in helping couples build and maintain a healthy, loving, lasting, strong relationship. She teaches couples how to communicate to be heard and understood, how to manage conflicts and find solutions to the most difficult problems affecting their relationship, using the... Read more Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach. She provides relationship counseling, education, and development that focuses on improving communication, managing conflicts, affair recover, and premarital counseling and education. Dr. Evans is a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor, Healthy Relationship Expert, Relationship Therapist, Speaker and Author.  Read less

(LaWanda N is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Dallas)

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Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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