How to Talk Openly About Your Sexual Desires With Your Spouse
Sexuality holds an essential place in marriage.
Your sexual desires are a reflection of yourself and can help you to learn more about you and your spouse.
However, whether you’re open or shy and reserved, you can have a hard time expressing what you want. Even in a relationship that seems healthy, communicating your desires in bed is not always easy, leave alone talking about sex and intimacy problems with partner
Our spouse wants to have fun as much as we do, so why deprive them?
Talking about sex with your partner
Frustration is never good in bed, so try to talk about what you like, but also to point out what annoys you or takes away your desire.
Discussing your desires is an opportunity to invite your spouse to do the same.
Take your sexual health into your hands and start talking about your sexual desires. If you are wondering how to get started with talking to your partner about sex, here’s a five-step plan to get you started.
1. The Search for pleasure
When solving problems, we focus on what is wrong and then look for a solution.
Try to go the other way around and think about everything that you find exceptional. Efficient sexual communication requires not only saying what needs improvement but also what works fine.
One of the rules for productive sex talk with your partner is to ask yourself what you liked about yourself at an exact moment and what was your spouse especially good at.
If anything went differently than you imagined, write it down on a piece of paper and set aside. No spouse must perceive the conversation as criticism.
Next, you have to imagine what sex can be like. Find out what your desires are. Take a moment alone and imagine how you would like to make love.
When thinking of how to have the sex talk with your partner, focus on each of your five senses and think about the moments of the day, the positions, the caresses. Get into as much detail as possible.
Finally, think about how to get what you want. Which direction should you take to build upon previous good experiences?
2. Identify your blockages
The second step consists of identifying your blockages.
Most married couples find the conversation about sex inconvenient at best and, at worst, harmful and hurtful. Your parents might have taught you that talking about sex is a forbidden practice, but it’s, in fact, a piece of outdated advice.
That advice creates fear of speaking your mind.
Now, fear is not a problem in itself. But if you’re scared to tell your spouse what you prefer to do in the bedroom, it can become an issue.
Don’t just dwell on obstacles like fatigue and headache. Look deeper into the search for reasons that prevent you from saying what’s on your mind.
If you are a woman, do you feel embarrassed about your own body? It is a powerful feeling because women are often comfortable in their bodies only as much as their surroundings have taught them.
On the other hand, if you are a man, what myths about sex have you heard growing up?
The usual advice given to boys about sex is that you have to be the dominant one or that you have to hide your feelings at all costs.
Finally, think about the portrayal of sex within the culture you live in.
What do people say about it in the media, in literature, in schools? What impact does culture have on your sex life today, and how can it explain some of your insecurities?
Old-fashioned presumptions about sexual health can only create an image of what sex should be and block you from expressing what you want sex to be. Rejecting those ideas and looking beyond them will help you to achieve sexual freedom.
3. What does sex mean to you?
People attach various meanings to sex.
Each person experiences it differently, depending on numerous factors in their life. While it is a way of relaxing and relieving stress for some, others find it as an obligation that they hate. It shouldn’t come as an obligation, nor a nuisance.
The problem is that most couples think that their partner experiences sex the same way they do. To better understand each other’s attitudes and expectations for sex, ask yourself and your spouse what sex means to you.
4. Talk about what you really want
Lastly, it’s time to talk openly about your sexual desires.
You have to be specific about what you want. Instead of saying that you want to cuddle more before being intimate, say how long, where, and how. Explain why you need it.
Moreover, say precisely what you want to do, like wearing seductive underwear, for example, because it looks very sexy.
If you’re going to try out new sex positions, say it exactly as is. When you start talking specifically, you may encounter a problem in terminology. The solution is to give names to your intimate body parts. It can be fun and will help you come to terms with names that are comfortable for both you and your spouse.
5. Speak with the body
Although only talking sounds easy, some people will have issues immersing fully into the sex talk. Luckily, there’s a solution.
One of the tips on how to talk about your sexual desires with your partner is to introduce the conversation purely physically and later continue with words.
It is sometimes easier to talk with the body, rather than with words.
First, you can make the spouse feel what you want, by an attitude, a gesture, or a look. You can also guide them with your hand, by caressing theirs. Also, you can show your spouse what rhythm and pressure suit you, and teach them to touch other parts of your body.
Are you ready to talk openly about your sexual desires?
Each of the steps mentioned will help you change the way you talk about sex, remove unnecessary shyness, and create a way to become more intimate with your spouse.
Talking about sex is not easy, but in most cases, couples will find out what they like together. Once they overcome their fears of communicating, they can become united in the bedroom. And finally, they’ll say to each other, “Why haven’t we talked about it before?”
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.