When you find yourself at the threshold of being ready to end your marriage, it’s a horrible feeling. More than likely you feel as if you have tried your best to get things to work but they simply can’t be fixed. It is at this point that so many people tend to give up altogether for they feel that the problems with their marriage simply can’t be fixed—but what if you made a list? We’re not talking about the typical pros and cons list here, but rather the type where you really put thought into what is going wrong and how it’s being handled.
This can be a very eye opening exercise for many people have a tendency to place blame solely on their spouse. Sure there are instances where the spouse may be the sole cause of the breakdown in the marriage, but most of the time it takes to for things to go terribly wrong. This doesn’t mean that the blame is placed squarely on you either, for this is truly a joint effort. Take responsibility for your part. You have to think through what makes you ready to quit the marriage and then consider what you are doing to instigate or fuel their problem areas.
Write everything down in a unique type of list
Are you part of the problem or truly part of the solution? Are you ready to end things over trivial issues that can be worked through? There are so many questions to ask yourself but what it comes down to is behavior and reaction. If your spouse is doing something that frustrates you, how are you handling it?
Though they may very well have problematic behavior, in the end it may also be your reaction to it that is causing problems. It’s quite beneficial to write down what annoys you, and then dig deep about what you are bringing to the table to contribute to the problems—out of this can come solutions and a middle ground for which you can both work together on! Here we look at a really different type of list which may offer you insight into why your marriage is breaking down, and more importantly how to fix it and get back on track.
1. Write what you struggle with or don’t like about your spouse
This is a totally different approach that can really help to open your eyes to things. Write down what your biggest problem areas are with your spouse. Write down what you fight about, what frustrates you, their most challenging traits, or what you find difficult to live with. This can be very eye opening for if you struggle with their inability to help around the house, that’s one thing.
If however you struggle with something bigger like their lack of presence in your family, that’s quite another. More times than not though, the very things that you struggle with or don’t really like about your spouse ends up being more trivial in nature. This isn’t even the biggest part though, but just let it all flow and write down your biggest challenges and frustrations.
2. Write down how you respond to their inabilities or frustrating traits
Be honest here and write down what you do to respond to these frustrations. Own up to your nagging, crying, angry outburst, yelling, or any other way that you handle the very traits that frustrate you. Go point by point on the list and be honest in what you do to respond when your spouse doesn’t give you what you want. Don’t even think about it, just write down your answers or behaviors to these issues and get it in print.
3. Write down how you can both improve
Now take a long hard look at this list and even split it apart. You will see that often your reaction to the problem is likely just as bad as the problem itself. Now write down what an ideal solution and reaction might be. Write down what you truly love about this person before you, and what makes you enjoy being married to them.
Write down what you hope to accomplish or work past as a couple, and even some solutions to both of your troubling behaviors. This can help you to see how the two of you can work individually and as a couple to fix what has been broken—and from there you can get your marriage back on track! Sometimes you just need a bit of perspective to help you to see that your marriage is worth saving, and that it truly takes two people to make things go good or bad. Make the choice and then commit to a true union that ensures two people are happy together moving forward!