Make a List and Do These 3 Things To Save Your Marriage

When you find yourself at the threshold of being ready to end your marriage, it’s a horrible feeling.

More than likely, you feel as if you have tried your best to get things to work, but they can’t be fixed. But marriage problems are unavoidable. Ending a marriage is not a solution; you should find ways to save your marriage instead.

But, it is at this point that so many people tend to give up altogether, for they feel that the problems with their marriage simply can’t be fixed.

What if you made a list? We’re not talking about the typical pros and cons list here, but rather the type where you really put thought into what is going wrong and how it’s being handled. If you fail to arrive at a proper solution, you can consider seeking marriage help from an expert.

But, approaching a therapist may not be the ultimate solution for dealing with marital problems. And, timing is everything when it comes to marriage counseling.

Instead of relying only on a counselor, you can start by listing out things or events which, you think, is responsible for your failing marriage. Such exercise calls for a lot of effort on the part of both the partners, but this is the least you can do to save your marriage.

Also, this can serve as an important eye-opening exercise for many people who have a tendency to place blame solely on their spouse. Sure, there are instances where the spouse may be the sole cause of the breakdown in the marriage, but most of the time it takes for things to go terribly wrong.

This doesn’t mean that the blame is placed squarely on you either, for this is truly a joint effort. Take responsibility for your part. You have to think through what makes you ready to quit the marriage and then consider what you are doing to instigate or fuel their problem areas.

Recommended – Save My Marriage Course

Join millions building healthier, happier relationships.

Subscribe

Write everything down in a unique type of list

Are you part of the problem or truly part of the solution?

Are you ready to end things over trivial issues that can be worked through?

There are so many questions to ask yourself, but what it comes down to marriage issues, the whole point of the argument is judged based on one’s behavior and the other person’s reaction to it.

If your spouse is doing something that frustrates you, how are you handling it?

Though they may very well have problematic behavior, in the end, it may also be your reaction to it that is causing problems.

It’s quite beneficial to write down what annoys you, and then dig deep about what you are bringing to the table to contribute to the problems—out of this can come solutions and a middle ground for which you can both work together on! This is one of the best ways to save your marriage.

Here we look at a really different type of list, which may offer you insight into why your marriage is breaking down, and more importantly how to fix it and get back on track.

1. Write what you struggle with or don’t like about your spouse

Before giving up on troubled marriages, one needs to learn how to make a marriage work in the first place.

This is a totally different approach that can really help to open your eyes to things and find ways to save your marriage. You can start by penning down your problem areas, such as –

• Write down what your biggest problem areas are with your spouse
• Write down what you fight about
• Write down what frustrates you
• Their most challenging traits, or
• What you find difficult to live with

This can be very eye-opening for if you struggle with their inability to help around the house, that’s one thing.

If, however, you struggle with something bigger like their lack of presence in your family, that’s quite another.

More times than not though, the very things that you struggle with or don’t really like about your spouse ends up being more trivial in nature.

This isn’t even the biggest part though, but just let it all flow and write down your biggest challenges and frustrations.

2. Write down how you respond to inabilities or frustrating traits

Be honest here and write down what you do to respond to these frustrations.

If you wish to save your marriage, you can start by owning up to your nagging, crying, angry outburst, yelling, or any other way that you handle the very traits that frustrate you. Go point-by-point on the list and be honest in what you do to respond when your spouse doesn’t give you what you want.

Don’t even think about it, just write down your answers or behaviors to these issues and get it in print.

Wondering how to fix a marriage? Well! This is definitely one way to do it.

3. Write down how you can both improve

Now take a long hard look at this list and even split it apart. You will see that often your reaction to the problem is likely just as bad as the problem itself. Now write down what an ideal solution and reaction might be.

And, if you ask for the best marriage advice to save your marriage, then you can start by writing down what you truly love about this person before you, and what makes you enjoy being married to them.

Write down what you hope to accomplish or work past as a couple, and even some solutions to both of your troubling behaviors.

This can help you to see how the two of you can work individually and as a couple to fix what has been broken—and from there you can get your marriage back on track!

Sometimes you just need a bit of perspective to help you to see that your marriage is worth saving and that it truly takes two people to make things go good or bad.

Make the choice and then commit to a true union that ensures two people are happy together moving forward!

You have to learn to fight for your marriage to save your marriage and the above-mentioned list will guide you to the right path.

Continue exploring this topic

Talk to our Marriage.com AI Relationship Coach

Chat with me, ask questions and get help

Start Chatting

Marriage.com AI: Your Relationship Guide

Talk through what's on your mind.

Automated

Hi, I'm your relationship guide. What's on your mind?

YOU COULD START WITH

How can I save my marriage?

What steps can I take to prevent divorce?

AI guidance only - not therapy. In crisis? Call a helpline or Find a Therapist

Terms

Sylvia Smith Author

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less

Marriage.com Assessment

What Help Does Your Relationship Need Most Right Now Quiz

Reviewed byJennifer Schulz, LCSW

Backed by relationship science and evidence-based psychology, this assessment helps identify the area of your relationship that deserves the most attention right now, whether things feel strong or slightly off. Research shows that even healthy relat...

Questions: 20 | Last updated: Jan 23, 2026

Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

Take the Quiz Now