What makes the difference between marriages that succeed and those that fail is that the prior understand that a crisis is only a temporary phase, if not let to run wild. So, keep reading to find out what you need to understand about marriage crisis and how to resolve them.
Let’s face it – every couple hits a crisis at least once over the course of their marriage.
For most (if not all), marriage is a bumpy ride with a lot of hurdles.
But, there is also at least as much calms after the storm, or before another one, depends how you see it. However, what makes the difference between marriages that succeed and those that fail is that the prior understand that a crisis is only a temporary phase, if not let to run wild.
It is, in fact, a learning opportunity or the spouses. So, keep reading to find out what you need to understand about marriage crisis and how to resolve them.
The phases of a marriage and common crisis
Of course, when you first fall in love, as we all know it, your optimism explodes. You can’t believe how lucky you are, as you have found your soulmate!
However you choose to think of it, whether as chemicals in your brain, or a divine intervention, the result is the same – you find yourself in a euphoria which commonly results in committing your entire life to that person.
Nonetheless, and this is when usually the first crisis hits, upon the love intoxication inevitably comes the awakening. Not that it has to be a harsh one, but you do get to see without that pink fog in front of your eyes.
Your marriage will not be what you expected it to be. Little things will begin to bother you. Big issues will arise. You will get to wonder what you were thinking.
Adding to that, you now also need to think about many big issues in your life, such as having children, career path, where to live, etc. The perfect storm.
This is a major marital crisis most of the couples go through.
But, apart from this initial crisis, if a couple prevails, most people will hit many more rough patches on their shared journey. Some are rather predictable, such as the mid-life crisis, and the inevitable crisis in the marriage. Or an extramarital affair and the turmoil that follows it.
And some are entirely specific for the couple, such as not being able to agree on whether the child will be home-schooled or not. Marriage is not all fun and games, not at all.
There is a heaven for those who believe
However, when you do find yourself in a disaster-like scenario and you think there are only two ways – your way, or a divorce – stop!
There is also the third option.
And that is, to solve the problems constructively and assertively, and to enjoy the bliss of marriage for long years to come. When you’re in the midst of a never-ending quarrel and you feel that your spouse is the furthest from a kindred spirit it gets, you might not want to dedicate yourself to saving the relationship.
Yet, pause for a second and believe, there is a heaven for those who believe. You might need to make a leap of faith, a huge one, but it will be worth it.
After every crisis in a marriage, if you overcome it, there will be lessons learned and your marriage will become stronger.
If you need to, hire a professional to help you figure things out. It’s always healthy to speak to an outsider who does have the tools to help you grow as a couple.
So, you might wonder what comes after a crisis, if you get yourself to persevere?
After you realize that you can’t expect your partner to be the absolute perfect human being, you will start finding ways to live in the reality and be happy in it. You might seek counsel in religion, other important persons in our lives, books.
What to do to overcome any marriage crisis?
Stop. Recollect your thoughts. Seek an objective opinion.
It’s never a good thing to just keep on pushing bad old ways of dealing with things. You could also ask for a professional advice and learn how to improve your communication and fix some problems in your relationship.
Whether it is a trusting friend or a family member, a religious confidant, a psychotherapist, or a good self-help book, a fresh perspective with a bit of optimism in between is what you now need.
But, most importantly, work on getting to understand that you need to accept the bad with the good and that your spouse a whole is your life partner. They are perfect as a human being, as the flawed person as they are, as we all are.
But what makes the difference is that you did decide to share your lie with your spouse, and you did it for a reason, don’t forget that when contemplating a divorce. Empathy and kindness will lead the way to a new fulfilling marriage.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.