What are the signs he is fighting his feelings for you?
Let’s admit it. Holding back feelings for someone is stressful. It is even worse if you are the one another person has to hold back their feelings for. You take a quick look at him, and you can see the signs he has feelings for you.
However, a closer look reveals that he doesn’t express his feelings for you for some reason.
So, you are stuck on a rollercoaster. One second you are sure that this guy has the hots for you. The next second, you are left doubting if he even knows that you exist.
This leaves you with a horde of unanswered questions. Is he in denial about his feelings for me? Why is he fighting his feelings for me? Is he holding back or not interested?
This article will be centered around helping you find answers to those deep-seated questions. When you are done, you will discover the signs he caught feelings but is scared, how to tell if a guy is scared of his feelings for you, and what to do when he is fighting his feelings for you.
Reasons he is fighting his feelings for you
This is one question many people find themselves asking at some point. They meet and fall for a man they would love to pursue something serious with. They can tell immediately that what they’re feeling isn’t one-sided, but for some reason, it feels like the man is hiding his feelings from them.
Sometimes, it is almost like he doesn’t want to be vulnerable.
In any case, here are a few reasons why you are seeing the signs he is hiding his feelings for you.
1. Societal construct
A recent survey revealed that nearly half of men say that they cannot talk about their feelings, and about 23 percent of these men believe they have to be the strong, silent type. For most of these men, their beliefs have been strengthened by what society has taught them.
So, they believe that being vulnerable isn’t an option, even when all it entails is opening up and letting you in on how they feel about you.
2. He doesn’t yet trust you
When a man doesn’t yet trust you (especially if he has had a history of bad relationships), there’s every possibility that he’ll try holding back his feelings; at least until he is certain of what he feels for you.
3. He still doesn’t understand what he’s feeling
Many men detest the idea of not being in complete control of their minds and whatever thoughts they have at every time. Hence, if a man is at a place where he can’t quite put a name to all the mushiness he is beginning to feel around you, he may resort to masking his emotions.
How can you tell if a man is fighting his feelings for you?
The easiest way to tell for sure is to look out for the signs he is fighting his feelings for you. It is also important to note that you may sometimes be mistaking platonic attention for something else.
This is why you must stay alert and carefully look for signs that a guy is fighting his feelings for you. We will look at 15 of these signs in the next section of this article.
15 clear signs he is fighting his feelings for you
Here are 15 signs he is denying his feelings for you.
1. You catch him stealing glances at you
One of the telltale signs a guy is scared of his feelings for you (and even afraid of walking up to you and letting you in on what’s on his mind) is that you would begin to notice him stealing furtive glances at you.
It is his idea that if you find him sarong at you, you may figure out what he’s feeling for you. To prevent the risk of that happening, he’d do all he can to ensure you never catch him staring at you. Sometimes, he may do a terrible job with this.
2. You can feel that there’s something here
One of the signs he’s fighting his feelings for you is that a part of you knows (beyond every reasonable doubt) that he has feelings for you. Think about it for one second. You wouldn’t be here digging around if you didn’t think there was something in there, right?
3. You can tell that he loves spending time with you
Does he look for the slightest opportunity to ask you out, or does he drive by your house every other day on his way home from work? When a guy likes you, he would love to be around you and even spend time with you.
However, one of the classical signs he’s fighting his feelings for you is that regardless of how much time you spend together, he never gets tired.
Spending more time with him only seems like it makes him want to spend more time together.
4. Despite spending much time together, he never admits that they are ‘dates’
Despite spending much time with you, a man hiding his feelings for you will never call your hangouts ‘dates.’ – no matter how romantic and frequent they are. He may try to evade the conversation every time you try to name what you are doing.
5. He always shows up when you need him
Put a quick call across, and he is there to save the day, regardless of how inconvenient for him it is.
If he doesn’t mind going through hell and high water just to make sure he is there for you, and he always shrugs it off when you try to appreciate him, that could be a sign he is fighting his feelings for you.
6. He somehow finds something bad about every guy that makes a move on you
One thing about this situation is that it is somehow easy to become close with a guy who is fighting his feelings for you. Considering how reliable and attentive he would be, it is easy always to have him on speed dial and even talk to him when strange things happen.
This, however, comes with its downsides.
For one, he may never accept it when you tell him that you have met someone you like. If you go out as a group (maybe with a couple of friends) and he notices another guy trying to make a move on you, the cynic in him comes out to play.
“Is he avoiding his feelings for me?”
A simple way to get a definitive answer to this question is by checking out how he reacts when another guy starts coming around you.
7. He gets hurt when you don’t take his advice
One of the signs he is fighting his feelings for you is how he responds when you don’t take his advice. Imagine you are at the point of making a decision, and you decide to run things by him. You listen out for his advice, and he goes all the way out to ensure he gives you the right advice.
A guy who feels something for you deep down will be hurt if you hardly ever take his advice, even though he goes out of his way to give you strong counsel. A platonic friend may not be as hurt as he would be.
8. He may try to make you jealous
While still trying to figure out what he feels for you, he may resort to flirting with other girls in your presence just to make you jealous. Does he toss himself into the field of pursuing and conquering women like he doesn’t care?
Does he make a task of shoving his charm and flirting skills down your throat? Does he talk about all the girls he has dated when you are together?
If he does this, it may signify that he is trying to mask his feelings for you. However, do not consider this in isolation. He may just be a narcissist trying to feed his ego.
9. You feel he is checking you out on social media
He follows you on Instagram.
You are friends on Facebook.
You can tell he reads all your tweets.
However, one thing stands out. He hardly ever interacts with you on social media, although you can see he is active as well. If your guy falls into this category (he is in your world but prefers to remain at a distance), it could be because he is studying you from afar and trying to decide if he should pursue something strong with you.
Then again, check if this tallies with the way he reacts to you in real life.
10. He understands you, almost as much as a lover
If he knows your primary love language, remembers that you love your coffee ‘without cream,’ knows your idea of a perfect ‘dinner date’ and even knows the perfect gifts to get you on your birthday, this may be a sign that he is doing more than he wants you to see.
Especially if you cannot remember telling him all these details of yourself.
11. Your friends are beginning to think you’re together
Considering the amount of time you spend together, the way you’re giving yourselves attention, and even how you remember uncanny details about yourselves, it wouldn’t be entirely out of the blues if you discover that your friends find it difficult to believe you when you tell them that nothing is happening between you.
One of the signs he is fighting his feelings for you is that people can see it, even if you aren’t sure if he likes you that much after all.
12. He is uncharacteristically self-conscious when you come around
Does he suddenly sit up and adjust his shirt when you make your way over to the table he is occupying with his friends? Does it seem like he is making so much effort to look and act perfectly when you are around?
This may be a sign that he is fighting his feelings for you. The desire to impress you might just be what finally gives him away.
13. He suddenly becomes shy around you
This should be a more glaring sign if he is typically outgoing, confident, and is the kind of guy who knows how to make people fall for him. If he becomes uncharacteristically shy, acts and looks flustered when you are close, and even stumbles over his (otherwise) smooth lines, that could be your sign right there.
14. He tries to get behind the public persona you have put up
When you meet a guy who is only interested in taking you to bed and taking off afterward, you’d discover that he wouldn’t be interested in getting to know you. These guys are more interested in immediate gains.
However, when you are dealing with a man who is trying to hide his feelings for you, the desire to get to know you on a personal level will threaten to give him away on many occasions.
He’d ask you personal questions and not from the standpoint of gathering dust on you. He genuinely wants to know more about you and would go all out to deeply understand who you are.
Note, however, that he would remember that he doesn’t want you to figure out that he likes you. He would most likely laugh things off and bring up a lighter subject.
How to handle embarrassing and awkward questions in a conversation? Watch this video.
15. He has the inexplicable desire to justify himself to you
One of the signs he is fighting his feelings for you is the desire to justify himself all the time. He explains everything he does and does his best to make you see reason, even when you can’t be bothered and you aren’t asking.
What to do when he is fighting his feelings for you
If you have noticed these signs he is fighting his feelings for you, here are a few things you can do.
1. Have an honest conversation about it
As adults, you should be open with yourselves. When you notice that a guy has feelings for you but may be afraid to open up, talk to him about it. However, you want to make sure you are close enough already because this would be one awkward conversation.
Then again, while being honest, remind him to take the pressure off himself. He needs to be relaxed if he opens up to you.
4. Let him know that you are open to having something with him
Sometimes, a guy will keep hiding his feelings for you if he thinks that you aren’t interested or believes that you are already with someone else. If he is this way, it may be up to you to clear the air and let him know that you are up to pursuing something with him as well.
One of the most exhausting things that can happen to you is seeing the signs he is fighting his feelings for you but not doing anything about it because you don’t even know what to do.
The next time you think a guy likes you, use the tips we covered in the last section of this book to set the ball in motion. What’s the worst that could happen? He wouldn’t be interested, and you can move on with your life.
What’s the best that can happen? You find yourself a man and enjoy happiness.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.