30 Signs a Married Man Is Pursuing You

You recognize that fleeting glance from across the room and you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Wait, something’s wrong. A married man? Surely, this isn’t one of the signs a married man is pursuing you? 

Studies show that flirting makes us feel good and can reduce an individual’s stress levels overall. We all know that we feel special and extraordinary when someone pays special attention to us. 

However, if a married man is flirting with you, it can be a complicated situation. His marriage and commitment to his partner make it complex to respond to his advances without hurting his pride. Therefore, it becomes essential to know for sure that the married man is pursuing you. 

How to know if a married man wants you

Life is complex and even though we have clear societal rules, things can go wrong. So, a married man seeking an affair is perfectly possible and he’ll show you clear signs he is pursuing you. Then again, you could end up innocently flirting with a married man without realizing it. 

Either way, you’ll recognize those butterflies in your gut and those looks with discrete brushes against your arm. He’ll focus his full attention on you while asking you lots of questions because he’s genuinely interested.

Interestingly, what you take as signs that a man is interested in you could just be his way of being friendly. We all have our biases and some of us might be overly wary of men and their approaches. 

Different people have different styles of flirting. Without knowing the benchmark behavior, it’s difficult to jump to conclusions and confirm you’re seeing the signs a married man is pursuing you. 

So, how to tell if a married man is attracted to you starts by comparing his behavior with you and everyone else. Moreover, do you see any changes or awkwardness when his wife turns up? 

Furthermore, does he tend to talk about general topics or focus on sexier ones like your love life? This gives you another important clue but we’ll go into more details on the signs a married man is interested in a later section. 

What makes a married man pursue you

As you might have already guessed, men and women react differently when they see someone attractive outside their relationship. Research shows that women tend to work harder in their relationships after seeing an attractive man.

On the other hand, men don’t see flirting as a threat to their relationship even though it might negatively impact their impression of their partner. Many men, pursue someone who they can have innocent fun with to boost their self-esteem or simply to get a thrill. 

Another reason you might notice the signs a married man is pursuing you is because they want their partner to appreciate them more. While this might sound manipulative, it can also be a subconscious drive. Deep down, we all have a fundamental need to feel wanted. 

Of course, in some cases, when a married man is interested in you, it can be manipulative. For instance, if he’s a colleague, he might be trying to exert his power or force himself into a project. 

Alternatively, he could be playing some twisted pay-back game with his wife if she upset him. Either way, flirting with a married man is usually risky because someone will get hurt at some point. 

30 ways to note if a married man is after you 

Are you now asking yourself the question, “is a married man interested in me?” Fortunately, there are many signs he is pursuing you. If you recognize more than one of these signs, then you’re most probably in a complicated flirting situation. 

1. Wants life details 

We love talking about ourselves because it makes us feel good. Neuroscientists have even pinpointed that it activates our reward and pleasure seeking areas in our brains.

So, choosing to ask you questions about yourself and your life is one of the sure signs a married man is pursuing you. This is especially true if you’re in a group setting and he only focuses on you. 

2. Flirting 

You know when a married man wants you by the way he keeps touching you. Perhaps he’s also complimenting you and giving you his dazzling smiles? 

Whether flirting works, smiling and eye contact are common signs a married man is pursuing you. Nevertheless, touching is the definitive way to get the message across. 

Related Reading: 25 Signs a Married Man Is Flirting With You

3. Overly attentive 

Is he hanging on your every word? Does he rush to help you if you drop something or open a door for you? 

If you witness caring attention, you can start saying to yourself that a married man wants me. Of course, it’s a good idea to check what he does for others if this is just how he is.

4. Laughs at your bad jokes

Studies now confirm that humor is one of the key signs a married man is pursuing you. Research describes that humor is a form of chasing partners. Men seem to particularly use humor to gauge their potential match with a woman. 

So, listen out for humor to determine whether someone is interested in you. Moreover, do you laugh at his jokes? 

5. Frequent messaging

When a married man wants you, he’ll find it challenging to focus on anything else. He’ll find an excuse to message you. You might also notice a change in pace and content in this message and feel more personal. 

6. Plans alone time 

A married man seeking an affair takes any opportunity to get you alone. At some point, they’ll be brave enough to take it further and you could find yourself cornered. 

So, if you’ve noticed yourself suddenly alone for no real excuse, then consider this as one of the signs a married man is pursuing you. The excuses are also another clue. After all, do you need to spend time alone? 

7. Confides in you 

Another of the sure signs a married man is pursuing you is when you sense you’ve turned into his confidante. If he’s unhappy in his marriage and dreams of you instead, the chances are he’ll start complaining to you. 

Not only will you start hearing all the reasons why his wife is a burden but he’ll also ask you for advice. It might start innocently enough. Nevertheless, this can quickly shift to become about how you could replace his wife. 

8. Jealous about other guys 

The signs a married man wants you usually come along with some form of territorial protection. We tend to want to keep someone for ourselves when we like them. 

For example, he might step in when other guys approach you. Alternatively, he could also be either aggressive or overly friendly towards you after you’ve just spoken to another man. The difference depends on his style and character. 

9. Inappropriate gifts 

Is a married man interested in me? If you’re wondering, look at whether you get any strange or sexy gifts. 

Even candles could be a step too far if you don’t know each other well. Jewelry is another personal gift that could be one of the telltale signs a married man is pursuing you. 

10. Hides his wife 

Have you noticed that his wife never seems to be around when you are? Even if you’ve been friends for years, a married man can still be after you. In this case, he’ll make sure that any get-togethers happen without his wife because she’s always conveniently busy. 

11. Friends start commenting and joking 

Our minds are great at lying to us and making us believe what we want to see. So, you might be denying the signs a married man wants you. Regardless, friends tend to see these things. 

Either they’ll say something or they’ll more discreetly start joking about you two getting together. This can start feeling very uncomfortable. 

12. Multiple social media likes 

Social media has taken over many of our lives. We inadvertently share so much of ourselves, which also encourages stalker behavior.

How often someone likes your comments or shares your posts could be some of the signs a married man is pursuing you. You’ll also notice that he knows things about you from your posts and photos, not because you told him. 

13. Inconsistent behavior

Depending on whether this is just fun or if he’s seeking an affair, he might start getting eaten up with guilt. At times, this will make him react aggressively to you or simply give you the silent treatment. 

Yes, the hot and cold approach is confusing but that’s usually because he’s getting lost in focusing on you. It’s hard to manage our internal emotions in such cases. 

Have a look at this video by a clinical psychologist who explores guilt and the fear of social humiliation:

14. Follows your love life 

Pursuing someone means that you’re desperate to know about their love interests and how you might fit in. When someone is in that first lust phase, they can’t focus on anything else. In extreme cases, psychologists refer to the mental state, limerence. 

Of course, not everyone gets to the extreme state. Nevertheless, we all experience a rush of happy chemicals in our brains that tend to promote the signs a married man is pursuing you. 

15. Drops everything for you 

You could be thinking to yourself, “a married man is pursuing me” when he goes out of his way to help you. This could be a simple rushing to your side when you’re carrying something heavy. It could also be canceling his meetings to pick you up from the airport. 

16. Always at his best

The signs a married man is attracted to you involve a change in looks. Has he suddenly spruced up and you always see him looking his best? Perhaps he’s shaved or cut his hair? Another subtle clue is when he adjusts himself when he walks past you. 

17. Overly protective 

We tend to want to care for and protect those we care about. In our minds, it doesn’t matter if it’s just a crush or a lifelong partner. That’s why some of the signs a married man is pursuing you include being protective. 

You might notice that he wants to walk you home or he’ll watch you start your car to make sure everything is fine. The more traditional men might also walk on the roadside to protect you from passing cars. 

18. Mirrors you 

Look at his behavior for how to tell if a married man is flirting with you. We all tend to imitate those we like, especially those we’re attracted to. This is thanks to what neuroscientists call our mirror neurons. 

Neuroscientist Marco Iacoboni explains in his interviews that those cells allow us to connect with each other. They allow us to understand each other’s emotions and get closer to someone. Subconsciously, they can also lead us to imitation. 

19. Makes excuses 

Most of the signs a married man is pursuing you is that you may make excuses for him. This could be to protect you during an argument or spend more time with you. Other excuses include getting away from his wife or https://www.yayimages.com/544157/couple-flirting-in-supermarket.htmlstaying home while she visits the parents.

20. Shares personal dreams 

When a married man is interested in you, he imagines an alternate universe. This leads him to share his dreams and aspirations with you. He might not explicitly state that you’re in them with him but that’s the wish. 

Regardless, he’s oversharing something that should be talked about with his wife and so this is another of the signs a married man is pursuing you. 

21. Comments on new clothes 

How to tell if a married man is attracted to you is to pay attention to what he notices. For example, is he the first to spot your new look or a change in hairstyle? Moreover, he’ll compliment you, perhaps in an overly suggestive way. 

22. Changes if his wife walks in 

One of the apparent signs a married man is pursuing you is that his whole demeanor shifts when his wife appears. You might notice him shuffling away to create more physical distance from you. 

Alternatively, he might suddenly go quiet with a sheepish look. Either way, when a man is interested in you, they generally don’t want their wife involved. 

23. Body language 

It’s all in the body for how to tell if a married man is flirting with you. We’ve already mentioned touching, but the rest of his body is also there. Is he leaning in to get close to you? Can you smell his cologne? What about his facial expression? 

We take in so many nonverbal cues, both consciously and unconsciously. Dr. Michael Matsimuto, in a podcast, describes that we measure up the cues when compared to context and tone of voice. 

These are vital signs that a married man is interested in you. Moreover, he might not even be aware of all the cues he’s giving away. 

24. Knows your preferences 

If you’re thinking, “a married man is pursuing me,” you might find yourself surprised at how much he knows about your tastes and habits. How did he ever find out about your favorite color or ice cream flavor? 

Yes, one of the signs a married man is pursuing you is that he’s keeping a log of everything you’ve ever said. That way, he can also watch you smile as he surprises you with a gift card to your favorite restaurant. Of course, the underlying hope is that you’ll take him with you. 

25. Time together seems to increase 

Spotting the signs a married man is pursuing means looking at changes in his habits. Not only does your time together increase but, if you’re colleagues, you seem to have more projects together. 

You might also suddenly find him turning up to your reading club evenings or at your weekly volunteer gig. He’ll have all the perfect excuses and it will all make sense. Nevertheless, something doesn’t quite add up and you’re left thinking, “a married man wants me.” 

26. Talks about how comfortable he is with you 

The flip side of complaining about his wife to you is telling you how amazing you are and how much he wishes his wife were like you. This is one of the signs a married man is pursuing you that will probably make you feel awkward. 

It’s worth remembering that this could be an innocent self-boost to feel better about himself. Nevertheless, if those conversations are being had in secret with the hope of getting more, you have to question his integrity. 

Related Reading: 30 Signs You’re Getting Too Comfortable In A Relationship

27. Affectionate teasing 

Playful flirting is another of the signs a married man is pursuing you. Then again, it could just be a brotherly attempt to be friends. Again, look around you for similar behavior with other people to help you benchmark this one. 

As we all know, teasing can go both ways and can be seen as a threat. Studies suggest that it’s a way of enticing someone into your world so creating an intimate connection.

Relate Reading: 15 Ways to Tell if a Guy Is Flirting or Just Being Friendly

28. Your gut instinct 

Let’s not forget that instinct also gives you valuable feedback about the signs a married man is pursuing you. While most of us are taught only to use logic and reason, neuroscientists have shown that we need our instincts too. 

Of course, we make mistakes with our instinct and our biases can blind us. Regardless, you can trust your gut if you’ve seen similar situations before. Experience allows us to strengthen our instinct which is why many of us can spot a flirting man a mile away. 

29. Wedding ring disappears 

Naturally, one of the critical signs a married man is pursuing you is when you see his ring has disappeared. He’ll have some great reasons lined up, from it falling off when he was swimming to having it resized. 

30. The eyes and mouth say it all 

We’ve mentioned body language and flirting in general as signs a married man is pursuing you. The eyes and mouth deserve a special mention though. 

Not only do some cultures believe the eyes are the windows to our soul but they tell us so much about someone’s emotions. On the other hand, studies show that the mouth is actually the most important clue to our emotions. 

Think about how women wear lipstick or how men bite their lips suggestively for more signs that a married man is interested in you. 

Dealing with a married man who desires you 

You might now be wondering what to do if a married man is after you. There are two extremes: first, you ignore him and walk away, or second, you reciprocate. 

Of course, it’s exciting when a married man, or any man for that matter, takes an interest in you. Ignoring ethical judgment for a minute, the chances are you’re the one who’s going to get hurt. Even if he does leave his wife, there’s no guarantee he’ll end up with you. 

Furthermore, if he’s only flirting with you to boost his ego, he’s unlikely to become the caring, attentive partner when everything settles down. He’ll be too busy looking for more ego-boosting opportunities.

If you decide to go ahead with the affair, all that lying and sneaking around will take a toll on his emotions. Either he’ll start taking it out on you or he’ll leave you because the excitement doesn’t match the hassle anymore. 

Finally, do you want to be the ‘other woman’ always wondering if someone else will become your ‘other woman’ one day? A relationship built on lies and secrecy doesn’t bode well for a long-term partnership built on values and respect. 

Conclusion 

The signs a married man is attracted to you come in various forms. Of course, body language and eye contact are your first clues. Then, it’s how he behaves with you versus other people, including his wife. 

If you seem to be finding yourself increasingly alone with him, then there are good chances you’re experiencing the signs a married man is pursuing you. He could be after you simply to boost his self-esteem and to have fun. 

A more Machiavellian reason is to exert some power over you, either to show off in front of his wife or to make her jealous. If you’re getting all this attention from your colleague, perhaps he wants to take over some project you’re working on. 

At this point, you have a choice that lies somewhere between yes and no. Be aware that you could end up hurt if you reciprocate. 

On the flip side, a firm ‘no’ with boundaries clearly communicated while cutting him off your phone will send a strong message if you have to. Social embarrassment will make him back off so you can peacefully pursue your own interests.