How Does It Feel Like Losing Yourself

Youʼve lost who you might have been if the truth was told to you. Losing yourself in love or relationships is easy, as there are no tangible relationship rules.

Also, it isn’t that difficult to say to yourself that ‘I have lost myself in a relationship’. But finding yourself again needs courage!

So, what does it mean to lose yourself and what to do when you feel lost? How to find yourself again?

If you knew and felt from the jump that it wasnʼt you who was crazy or wrong or only a face and body or not as smart or was selfish, or angry “for no reason.”

Who might you have been if you recognized then what youʼre able to understand now?

If you had avoided losing yourself

Youʼd be confident, imperfect and ok with that.

Youʼd have skipped the assholes and found someone who treated you and considered you like you deserve: with respect.

Not because of what you can do for them, but because they donʼt think twice about doing for you.

If you had been heard and seen and therefore appreciated earlier, you wouldnʼt have to have learned these truths through crisis or pain. You would be disappointed but not crushed.

You would have had bad hair days but not felt worthless or stupid or ugly or fat. Youʼd have liked and appreciated yourself, by not losing yourself.

And youʼd learned to love yourself properly with dignity and have had the courage to say no and mean it, only if you wouldn’t have been losing yourself!

And no matter what the other personʼs reaction was, youʼd be more about what youʼd said or done, because you would have had your feelings validated enough to ‘feel’ what itʼs like and request it from ‘anyone’ you came into contact with.

By not losing yourself, youʼd be who you are becoming sooner. Youʼd be you wherever you were.

And the labels of whatever would be ridiculous for you to consider because they donʼt know you as you know yourself!

You would have had an emotionally healthy childhood to look back fondly on instead of shame and confusion. And, youʼd never question if youʼll turn into your mom because you would have been proud to become like her by not losing yourself.

The plight of losing yourself

You kept losing yourself as you didnʼt have ‘that’ mom. So she has had the child she was limited in having.

To her, she had someone not quite good enough (this is how she feels about herself), a “disrespectful” daughter who doesnʼt appreciate what she has.

The thing is, she never had that daughter, but she made you think (and therefore “feel”) as though she had. As though you were!

So trust of what people say isnʼt possible for those people with moms like that. They canʼt trust mom, so they canʼt trust themselves, so they either trust no one and live alone (or for 44 years) or they trust people who are not trustworthy.

People who push boundaries, people who recognize the pain of being lied to, and keep lying to them, because they need to win no matter what, even when they lose the thing they said they wanted. They would rather win than be abandoned.

That has not, has never been, and will never be you. So, stop losing yourself!

How to find yourself again

Those “feelings” that you thought you felt, were actually thoughts. Your parents’ beliefs about themselves. Thatʼs all they have known; to think about themselves!

So, how do you find yourself when you feel so lost?

In your quest of trying to find yourself, realize that you and your siblings have been the “collateral damage” but thought you were just damaged.

The reality is that your family collectively has been damaged. But they donʼt have to be anymore, not anymore!

Now when you know how does it feel like losing yourself, it is the time to stop doing so, pick up your scattered pieces, and get back to living your life with a lot more courage and confidence.

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Timothy Rogers, MA, LMFT Marriage & Family Therapist   | Practice License Verified

Tim is a Licensed Self-Centered Therapist. Tim works best and most effectively with Self-Centered Adults, Young People and Families. Clients from the fields of Entertainment, Real Estate and Mental Health have found their way to Tim’s personal brand toward the long lasting relief of a lifetime... Read more with internal psychological, spiritual and philosophical pain. The kind of pain that breeds overwhelming feelings of anxiety and depression; encourages thoughts of confusion and discourages the truth in one’s potential or abilities. All of which lends itself toward self-destructive behaviors which double down as “proof” of our unworthiness. Tim works within an eclectic psychological orientation, which has an emphasis on the psychodynamic theories of Self and Person-Centered Psychologies. Translation: Our first understanding of ourselves comes from the first people we know. From there, the other relationships we participate in tend to reflect those aspects of ourselves previously learned. Depending on the kind (or unkind) of education you received - truly knowing yourself may still be lost to you. Utilizing professional yet still emotionally intimate relationship established between you and he, Tim can be of support to you as you do the internal work 4 yourself, w/yourself AND without feeling that you have to do it all by yourself. Alone.   Read less

(Timothy Rogers, is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Encino)