Signs of an Insecure Man in Love and What to Do About It

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Rachael Pace, Author

Rachael Pace

Expertise: Mental health, Parenting

Rachael Pace inspires with motivational articles on loving partnerships. She encourages making room for love and facing challenges together.

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Updated: 28 Mar, 2024

Table of Contents

Controlling behavior signals insecurity Protect your well‑being and relationship by choosing gratitude toward your partner and setting clear, healthy boundaries.
Jealousy can erode trust Discuss openly about fears, reassure him you are trustworthy around others, and if it persists, consider parting ways to protect your happiness.
Social media tracking reveals insecurity Set mutual boundaries about online sharing and support him toward building self-esteem, but remove him from accounts if monitoring becomes controlling.

Insecurity isn’t easy to deal with, especially now in the age of social media where everyone is showing off their perfect bodies, massive homes, and hot spouses. While many people think about female insecurity, the truth is that men are also affected by low self-esteem.

Don’t let insecure men trample your love life.

If you’re dating a new guy and he shows signs of insecurity regarding your friends, family, his looks, past relationships and more, you may simply feel bad for him.

But as time goes on, harmless jealousy and insecurity can turn into dangerous, controlling relationship behavior.

That’s why we’re looking at 5 signs of insecurity in men and what you can do to calm his fears.

1. Controlling behavior

Signs of insecurity in men commonly include elements of controlling behavior.

This may take the form of belittling or putting you down, isolating you from friends and family, constantly guilting you, a constant lack of trust, stressing their role as your ‘protector’ and the list goes on.

Constant arguing and gaslighting are other common ways that insecure men may seek to control you. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation and brainwashing where an abuser will lie or exaggerate things to confuse or control you. This often causes the victim to question their sanity and self-worth.

What to do about it

Studies show that relationships where partners regularly express gratitude toward one another were the happiest – not one where partners tear each other down and seek control.

A man who is so insecure that he prevents you from having a life outside of him is not someone you want in your life.

Not only is this toxic behavior that can rip down your mental health, but statistics show that 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence by an intimate partner, and abusers often show signs of controlling behavior before things escalate to more dangerous territory.

2. He hates when you talk to other guys

Healthy jealousy doesn’t have to be a bad thing. After all, what is jealousy if not the spark of love and a desire not to lose someone important in your life?

According to Psychologist Mert Şeker,

If a man does not like his partner talking to other men in a relationship, it may cause negative emotions such as insecurity and jealousy to arise in the relationship. This situation can have a restrictive effect on the freedom of the partner and lead to tension and conflicts in the relationship.

In addition, the partner who constantly feels restricted may experience consequences such as unhappiness in the relationship and loss of self-confidence. This may also contribute to deepening feelings of lack of communication and mistrust.

However, jealousy can become annoying and even dangerous. It may cause him to monitor your socials, snoop through your phone, follow you, or even start fights with your male friends.

What to do about it

Communicate openly with your guy about how his behavior is making you feel. Reassure him that he can trust you around other guys. If he continues to persist in his obsessive jealousy you may want to consider breaking up with him, as this may lead to other, more controlling behavior in your life.

3. He social media stalks

Signs of insecurity in men unsurprisingly lead back to social media.

Okay, so, all of us are guilty of social media stalking our current partner or even (or should we say, especially) our exes. But there is a difference between mild online curiosity and controlling social media jealousy.

If your man notices every single thing you post, from who’s commenting on your photos to who you just started following on Instagram, you may have a problem.

According to Psychologist Mert Şeker,

The psychological dimension of the reasons why a man constantly checks his partner’s social media is generally associated with factors such as insecurity, need for control and jealousy. This behavior is often linked to internal challenges such as low self-esteem, past trust violations, or relationship anxiety. Social media can be perceived as a way to monitor relationships between individuals, which can lead to constant checking of the partner.

What to do about it

Remind him that social media obsession can create misunderstandings. He may take things out of context and make a big deal over absolutely nothing.

What you put on social media is obviously public for all to see, even if only to those on your friend list.

But if your spouse’s social media stalking persists, you may want to consider breaking up with him or taking him off your accounts.

4. Needs constant validation

One of the biggest signs of insecurity in men is the need for constant validation. And really, who doesn’t enjoy validation in a relationship? It can be incredibly flattering to have your partner say nice things about you.

However, asking if you love him or are attracted to him every day can quickly get tiring and may make you feel like he isn’t really listening to you.

What to do about it

Your man’s need for constant validation may be annoying, but it is hardly damaging to your relationship. When it comes down to it, the only person who can help his self-esteem is him. He must learn to love and accept the things about himself that he can’t change.

But you can be a supportive partner by reassuring him that you love him, desire him, and wouldn’t want to be with anyone but him.

5. He can’t hear about past relationships

He can't hear about past relationships

Some couples love dissecting their relationships past, while others prefer to leave the topic of past loves off the table. But if your boyfriend can’t hear about your ex without resorting to insecure questions and behavior and other lines of questioning, it can really become a problem.

Look for these blind spots in his behavior when the topic of your ex springs up.

Pouting and complaining
Shutting off emotionally
Refusing to resolve problems
Asking if you loved your ex more
If you find your ex better looking than him
If your ex had a larger penis than him

After all, you may not want to talk about your ex 24/7, but learning about each other’s past romantic histories are essential for understanding certain relationship behaviors.

What to do about it

Let’s face it, not everyone is exactly comfortable hearing about all the great sex you had in your past relationships. But if his insecurity about your ex is becoming overwhelming you need to open up some serious dialogue. Remind him that your ex is not in your life anymore for a reason – you didn’t work as a couple.

Insecure men are everywhere.

From worrying about their physical appearance to feeling like their spouse is going to leave them, insecure men are everywhere. The signs of insecurity have the potential to manifest themselves in unhealthy ways, such as seeking to a control a partner or experiencing dangerous jealousy.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less