The notion that marital love is a state where the spouses surrender themselves to each other so that they think ‘we’ instead of ‘me’ is a beautiful thing.
However, something that is frequently amiss in Catholic marriages is the understanding that there will still be weaknesses arising from our character or life experiences that will challenge the marriage. But there are habits, virtues, and graces that can help overcome or manage the weaknesses in a marriage.
Here are the most common areas that you might like to consider Catholic marriage help for;
The virtue of patience
The sacrament of marriage involves two individuals coming together as one. But where there are two individuals, the virtue of patience is required. There will be times in your marriage, perhaps during times of anger, selfishness, controlling behaviors, anxiety, emotional distance, weakness in confidence, or sadness when you would need to be patient.
Practicing loving patience in times of marital strife, especially when you might not be the one causing the problems can be difficult. But, focusing on expressing grace and patience to your partner at this time, and giving this over to the Lord to take care of will lessen the difficult times and open the gates for resolution of the problem.
If you find it difficult to practice patience seek out support from Catholic marriage help groups so that you can work on developing this practice.
Handling unwarranted anger
Dealing with anger in a Catholic marriage is a testing time and one that can be difficult to forgive, especially because your partner may not be expressing grace and selflessness toward you. But forgive you must so that you can help your partner to find the space that they need to try to resolve their anger issues in a safe way. The first step in this process is in encouraging the angry spouse to forgive themselves for any hurt they may have caused you, or anybody else. When the person who is healing from anger issues has forgiven themselves, they will be much more likely to let the anger go. And the best way to do this is to sit in a controlled environment, where they have space and time to allow themselves to feel their anger, but not allowing it to take control. By feeling the anger in this way and allowing it to be released from you through your body it will gradually reduce, after a number of sessions and will no longer be an issue.
It’s difficult to feel generous toward your partner when you are experiencing selfishness from them. Or when you are projecting selfishness outwardly. Especially because the spouse who is projecting selfishness is lost in the habit of putting themselves first. Often cited by many popes that selfishness severely harms marital love and is a major cause of separation and divorce. It’s not surprising because selfishness can create a mistrust – another huge cause for the breakdown of marriages.
Patiently and generously reminding your spouse to consider generosity, humility, and temperance in their actions will start to minimize the situation. It’s also recommended to consider the Catholic marriage help which will help to resolve the situation and encourage the couple to find their way back to each other and to give generously.
Coming back from an emotional distance
It hurts when your marital partner is emotionally distant and is often difficult for the partner who is not expressing distance to understand why. Communication is so important in a relationship, so when distance occurs emotionally, it can spread and grow into other areas of your relationship. There can be many reasons why a partner is distant, they may be experiencing anxiety or depression, pressure, hurt or trying to reconcile past hurt that may arise from prior relationships, or our experiences growing up.
If you are experiencing distance in your relationship arising from your partner, it’s time to flex your patience muscles and remember to generously give to your partner at this time, whilst gently encouraging them to start to share what is on their mind. Giving generously to your partner who is struggling at this time will soften their resolve and remind them that they can trust you even when times are difficult.