13 Effects of Narcissistic Parents on Their Children & Solutions

You must have heard of narcissistic people and might have even come across some having narcissistic traits. But have you ever heard of kids being victims of narcissistic parenting? Can you imagine someone having narcissistic parents?

It is challenging to associate narcissism with parenting because, since time immemorial, we have worshiped our parents as deities and placed them on the upper pedestal of love and respect.

However, with the inclusion of myriads of millennial culture into societal practices and prejudices, parents and their parenting attributes have evolved. Although parents can be associated as the epitome of love and respect who imbibes values and virtues within us, sometimes, these associations can turn into myths and misconceptions.

In its true sense, narcissism highlights self-obsession and talks about the desperate need for admiration and acknowledgment. This, in turn, might lead to an egoistic personality coupled with vices like arrogance and jealousy. And this is how narcissistic parents are born.

What is a narcissistic parent?

A narcissistic parent is a parent who is affected by narcissistic personality disorder. They are narcissists and end up being a parent to one or more children. Narcissistic parents are not uncommon. Many people who are diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder have children. 

However, narcissism in a parent can have a lot of adverse effects on the children. Because of parents with narcissistic personality disorder, children may grow up with mental health issues themselves, making it difficult for them to deal with the world. 

Additionally, children of narcissistic parents may struggle with low self-esteem and a distorted self-image. They often internalize their parent’s negative behaviors and criticism, leading to feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. These children may struggle to establish healthy boundaries and develop healthy relationships later in life. 

Furthermore, the constant need for validation from their narcissistic parent can hinder their personal growth and hinder their ability to make independent decisions. 

They may also experience emotional manipulation and gaslighting from their parent, leading to confusion and self-doubt. These individuals must seek therapy or support to heal from the effects of growing up with a narcissistic parent.

5 narcissistic parent traits

It is tough to accept that children could have selfish parents in the first place. But narcissistic parents exist. Also, it doesn’t mean that the kids are misfortunate, having been born to narcissistic parents. 

It is just a trait, and if children can identify the narcissistic mother symptoms or narcissistic father traits, they can better equip themselves to deal with such parents.

Are you bogged down thinking, is my mother a narcissist, or if you are wondering, are you a narcissistic parent? Also, if your Google searches are flooded with “narcissistic mother test or father test” or “signs of a narcissistic mother or father,” look no further.

Read along to identify the glaring narcissistic mother traits or traits of a narcissistic parent.

1. Narcissistic parents are predominantly self-obsessed

Narcissistic parents’ symptoms or signs include redeeming themselves as superior to their children. They have a psychological tendency to consider the success of their offspring as a threat and continue to remain a hindrance to the children’s gradual independence.

Moreover, they become manipulative and neglect their kids. Although it need not be deliberate, narcissistic parents conveniently tend to ignore their children’s well-being and prosperity.

2. They thrust their wishes on their children

Narcissistic parents tend to force their wills and desires upon their children. The decisions and interests of the offspring are often ignored and neglected.

The children might have to take up professions that their parents could not, although the child may have no interest in such a field. This feeling can suffocate the child.

3. They become jealous of their kids

Narcissistic parent traits include jealousy. It sometimes becomes annoying to observe such parents competing with their kids. Compliments like “You are as smart as me” and “I still look more beautiful than you” symbolize the parents’ narcissistic tones.

They become jealous of their children and do not wholeheartedly support their progress and prosperity for fear of being less successful than their offspring.

4. Narcissistic parents create an illusion in the virtual world

Narcissistic parents create an illusion for the rest of the world; with the growing millennial social media trends, they present an entirely different perspective in the virtual world. The lucrative Instagram images, superficial Facebook status, and attractive elements that surfaced on the Internet are often misleading and manipulative.

Being manipulative, they put substantial social pressure on their children and play the blame game against them. Sometimes, they feel ashamed of their children and consider themselves a threat to their social well-being.

5. They make the children lose their individuality

Unfortunately, they compare the credentials between siblings or other children, which makes the children lose their identity and self-esteem. Instead of being an empathetic pillar for their children during a crisis, they consider the child a burden and disgraceful to the family.

All of their thought processes and mentality revolve around their social prestige and mental peace, completely ignoring the psychology of the offspring.

13 effects of narcissistic parents on their children

Growing up with narcissistic parents can have profound and lasting effects on children. While every individual’s experience is unique, here are 13 potential effects that children of narcissistic parents may commonly experience:

1. Limited expression

Children who live with a narcissistic parent or both narcissistic parents end up having limited expression. Since their life has never been about them or their feelings or wants, they learn to keep them to themselves. For a narcissist, everything is about them. 

Therefore, children of narcissistic parents often end up doing things for their parents, limiting their expression of their wants and needs.

2. Low self-worth

Another harmful effect of being raised by a narcissist is low self-worth. Children of narcissistic parents are constantly made to feel not good enough, so much so that they start to believe it in the deepest parts of their being. It considerably affects their self-worth.

3. Anxiety

Another harmful effect of being raised by a narcissist is anxiety. Anxiety is born from low self-esteem and self-worth. 

A child brought up by a narcissist can also always be anxious about how their parents will react to something, as narcissists are likely to blow up when things do not go their way. Such children might always find themselves walking on eggshells around their narcissistic parent(s).

4. Depression

The feelings of not being good enough, feeling belittled all the time, and having a lot of pent-up emotions can trigger depression. This can lead to self-harm and the inability to function properly.

5. Codependency

Another effect of being raised by a narcissist is codependency. Children brought up by narcissists end up being wired in a way that they always put others’ needs over theirs, simply because they have been made to believe that their needs do not matter over their narcissistic parents. 

6. Have a hard time creating boundaries

Narcissistic parent signs also include the inability of children to create healthy boundaries. Children brought up by narcissists have a tough time making boundaries and sticking with them. This is because they have been taught that their needs matter less than those of the people around them. 

Children can also not distinguish between a healthy boundary and selfish behavior. Every time such children do something for themselves, they feel like they are being selfish when they are just creating a healthy boundary.

7. Lack of healthy self-image

Children of narcissists often lack healthy self-images. This stems from low self-worth, all of which results from the fact that they are made to believe that their needs do not matter.

8. Insecure attachment style

Growing up with narcissistic parents may also affect your attachment styles. Most children who grow up with narcissistic parents have an insecure attachment style. Insecure attachment can be of two types – anxious and avoidant. To know more about these, read this research.

9. Difficulty in relationships

One of the most common effects of being raised by a narcissist is that you find all relationships in your life difficult. This means that you may have difficulty making friends, being with romantic partners, or trusting people in your life.

10. Develop narcissistic traits themselves

Living with narcissistic parents can cause you to develop the same traits yourself. Another effect of being raised by a narcissist includes developing these traits yourself. When you are unheard and uncared for so long, you might end up finally putting your needs first, but in unhealthy ways.

To understand more about the effects of parental narcissism on children, read this research.

11. Perfectionism

Children of narcissistic parents may develop perfectionistic tendencies as a coping mechanism. Constantly seeking validation and approval from their parents, they internalize the belief that only flawless performance will garner positive attention. This perfectionism can persist into adulthood, leading to heightened stress and fear of failure.

12. Fear of abandonment

Narcissistic parents often prioritize their own needs over those of their children, creating an environment where the child fears abandonment. This fear can translate into clingy relationship behavior, as individuals struggle to trust that others will stay or remain committed.

13. Emotional regulation challenges

Growing up with a narcissistic parent can hinder the development of healthy emotional regulation skills. Children may struggle to identify and express their emotions appropriately, as their feelings were often dismissed or invalidated by their narcissistic parents. This can lead to difficulties managing stress, frustration, and other emotions in adulthood.

How to deal with a narcissistic parent: 10 ways

Dealing with a narcissistic parent can be challenging, but it’s essential to prioritize your well-being and establish healthy boundaries. Here are ten ways to deal with a narcissistic parent and heal from the abuse to break the cycle.

1. Recognize

One of the first steps to healing from a narcissistic parent is recognizing narcissistic behavior. Acknowledgment is the first step to healing. Look at the signs of a narcissistic parent mentioned above, and see if your parent exhibits any of those behaviors.

2. Educate yourself

Narcissism is not an easy disorder to understand. It is of different types and has various layers to it. 

Educate yourself if you think your parents are narcissistic and need healing from being brought up by them. Read more about it, watch documentaries, or even speak to a professional if you feel the need.

3. Understand why

Narcissism is usually a result of abuse, being around another narcissist for too long, or other similar issues. Understanding why your parents are the way they are can help you understand the issue at hand better and focus on your healing.

4. Release the anger

When you know that a narcissist has raised you, you will likely have a lot of unreleased anger toward them, toward yourself. It is essential to release this anger healthily before it consumes you. 

5. Learn to express yourself

Another significant step in healing from a narcissistic parent is learning to express yourself. Being raised by a narcissist reduces your ability to express yourself clearly and healthily.

6. Gain perspective

One of the essential steps in healing from a narcissistic parent is to step back, gain perspective, and understand the course of action. 

If you live with them, should you move out? Should you cut contact with them, at least for some time? Should you and your parents both seek professional help? You can answer these questions better if you take a step back and understand the situation.

7. Move on

It is vital not to hold on to what has happened but to move on and try to live a better life from here. 

When you finally realize that you have been raised by a narcissist, understanding how to move past it and break the cycle is one of the most critical steps in the healing journey.

Watch Ramani Durvasula, an American clinical psychologist, explain how narcissistic parents misuse their children in this video:

8. Confront them

As hard as it may be, talking to your parent and telling them the problem is critical. This ensures acknowledgment of the issue; they might want to change their behavior and improve.

9. Understand the effects

Being raised by a narcissist has many harmful effects on children. If you are one, you need to understand and acknowledge the effects of being raised by a narcissistic parent to begin healing.

10. Seek professional help

A significant step in the healing journey regarding being raised by a narcissist is to seek professional help. Mental health issues such as low self-esteem, low self-worth, depression, anxiety, and others that are an effect of narcissistic upbringing may require help from a therapist or relationship counseling.

FAQs

Narcissistic parents can significantly impact the lives of their children, causing emotional and psychological distress. This series of commonly asked questions aims to shed light on the characteristics of narcissistic parents and provide guidance on dealing with them effectively.

• What kind of children do narcissists raise? 

Narcissists often raise children who suffer from low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, and struggle with forming healthy relationships. These children may internalize the narcissistic behavior and become narcissists themselves or develop codependent tendencies.

• What does a narcissistic parent do to a child? 

A narcissistic parent can emotionally manipulate and exploit their child for their own needs. They may constantly seek admiration, neglect the child’s emotional needs, and exhibit controlling behavior. Their selfish focus often undermines the child’s sense of autonomy and self-worth.

• What is the trait of a narcissistic parent? 

The main trait of a narcissistic parent is an excessive preoccupation with their own needs, desires, and achievements. They lack empathy for their children’s emotions and prioritize their self-image above all else. Their behavior is often characterized by grandiosity, entitlement, and a constant need for attention and admiration.

• What to do with narcissistic parents? 

Dealing with narcissistic parents can be challenging, but setting clear boundaries and seeking support from a therapist or a support group is crucial. 

It’s important to prioritize self-care, promote healthy relationships outside the family, and focus on personal growth and healing. Limiting contact or cutting ties may also be necessary for one’s well-being.

Final takeaway

While the generation is heading toward positive parenting, we also witness an ugly side of parenting. Narcissism is a human trait and threat at the same time, and inheriting such attributes as parents can be detrimental in various spheres of family and society.

It is a phenomenon that has been ignored for such a long time, but dealing with it efficiently should be the plan. Your children need better parenting, and their progress should not be affected at the cost of your obsessive and narcissistic attitudes and attributes.

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