5 Common Symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder of Your Spouse

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Personality disorders reflect an enduring pattern of experience and behavior that manifests in a variety of ways.

The spouse with Avoidant Personality Disorder may be characterized by being socially inhibited, feeling inadequate, and hypersensitive to negative evaluations.

They may be so sensitive that they suffer severe anxiety at the thought of saying or doing the wrong thing.

Some are people pleasers who are so concerned about being liked that they avoid social situations unless they are certain of acceptance or may give, and give and give until they have nothing left to give.

Someone who fears ridicule suffers from a fear of not being accepted socially, and feels inadequate in intimate relationships can experience a crisis in midlife.

LMHC Grady Shumway points out,

This midlife crisis can serve as a turning point, offering an opportunity for self-discovery and growth if they seek support and begin to set healthy boundaries.

Also, here’s an avoidant personality disorder test.

This quiz is indicative of a potential avoidant personality disorder; having said that, it’s best to seek expert intervention for a formal diagnosis.

Below are five possible manifestations of Avoidant Personality Disorder and an example of each behavior.

1. Needs to be well-liked

This person does not become involved with others unless they know they are held in high esteem due to their fear of rejection.

An example, Jane is a fantastic cook. She takes cooking classes and delivers meals to people in need.

The problem, if it doesn’t have something to do with cooking Jane doesn’t become involved.

She only puts herself in a position to be around others who praise her and she knows, when it comes to cooking she will always receive praise. Jane spends a lot of time alone in her kitchen.

2. Not open to intimate relationships

This person fears being snubbed or ridiculed by someone they’ve become romantically involved with.

What is the best way to ensure you never suffer rejection? Never become involved!

An example, Frank gives great relationship advice. Everyone goes to Frank when they are having problems with their love life.

The only problem is that Frank never seems to be in a relationship.

He lives vicariously through his friends and their relationships, which keeps him away from having to face the fear of becoming intimately involved himself.

3. Uncomfortable in social settings

You will rarely see someone with Avoidant Personality Disorder at the office Christmas Party. If there is a family wedding, they will send a gift, but wild horses can’t drag them to the wedding.

They are so preoccupied with thoughts of what others will think of them that they find it easier to stay at home instead of facing their anxiety.

An example, Kathy lives with her husband in a retirement community. The women in the community gather to play cards and various other activities.

Grady Shumway further states,

This avoidance can reinforce feelings of loneliness and inadequacy, making it even harder for individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder to engage in social situations and form meaningful connections.

They go about manning the voting booths during election time. They do water aerobics at the community pool.

Kathy criticizes these women, saying she “has better things to do with her time.” What Kathy does with her time is sit and watch soap operas, clean house and look down on women she wishes she could be more like.

To admit that though, Kathy would have to admit to being fearful and that isn’t somewhere she wants to go.

4. Avoids work activities

This person skates at work to keep from interacting with others.

They fear to take on more responsibility at work because they fear failure. They keep a low profile on the job.

An example, John crunches numbers for a living. That is all he does; he doesn’t seek promotions.

He goes to his office, closes his door, and works on whatever assignment he has for the day. He could care less if he gets a raise or a promotion as long as he doesn’t have to interact with others or take a chance at failing.

John eats lunch alone.

He doesn’t stand around the water cooler in the mornings talking with other employees.

He never goes out after work for a beer with his peers.

He plays it safe because as long as he is playing it safe, he doesn’t have to worry about others possibly disapproving of something he says or does.

5. Avoids conflict at all costs

What happens when you engage in conflict with others?

You may have to hear criticism; you may have a thought or an idea rejected.

Conflict is uncomfortable for the person with Avoidant Personality Disorder, they will either avoid all situations where conflict is possible or they will bend over backward to make others happy to keep down the conflict.

An example, Justin did everything his wife requested of him. He was fearful she would find fault with him so he was at her disposal and in his mind, it was “her way or the highway.”

Justin resented the fact that his wife didn’t realize that he didn’t want to do everything.

In his mind, she should be able to read his mind.

To know without any input from him what made him happy and what didn’t.

He was afraid to express his needs and was angry with her because she couldn’t guess his needs.

Justin is a pretender.

For the sake of keeping down his level of anxiety, he will pretend to love and want the same things his wife does.

The only problem, Justin is setting himself, his wife, and his marriage up for failure.

Often, someone like Justin will walk away after 25 years of marriage, pointing his finger at his wife and accusing her of being a control freak.

A final word on avoidance behavior

People with Avoidant Personality Disorder suffer from poor self-esteem and other issues surrounding intimate relationships, work-related activities, and social interactions.

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If you see yourself or your spouse in the description above I urge you to seek therapy so that you can learn to become more assertive in getting what you need and want from life.

Also, you will get credible advice on avoidant personality disorder treatment.

It would be useful to read this essential guide to help in overcoming Avoidant Personality Disorder. The book sheds light on pervasive patterns associated with avoidant personality disorder symptoms and the challenges of living with a spouse with a personality disorder.

Alongside, as we talk about adult attachment styles and stress, there is no harm in looking up for anxious personality disorder symptoms or even anxious-avoidant personality disorder to understand and mend the other dysfunctional attitudes that lead to lopsided relationship dynamics, mental chaos, and relationship challenges.

Besides, you should support your spouse so that they could live in a friendly atmosphere, and alleviate their suffering, knowing they live in love.