Maintaining a Stable Emotional Bank Account

Upon reading the title, many may wonder what even is an emotional bank account?

Many of us are familiar to the concept of a bank account where we make deposits with money, continue to save it up and withdraw the amount in times of need. An emotional bank account works fairly the same way except for the currency in this account is trust instead of money.

This account determines the level of comfort and security you feel with some other individual such as your friends or your partner.

Mentioned below are a few ways on maintaining a strong emotional bank account that may help keep your relationship healthy.

1. Communication

Open, meaningful conversations are great to invest in your emotional bank account.

Expression and sharing your thoughts and opinions while also hearing out your partner’s views and feelings allow the two of you to strengthen your relationship as well as spend quality time.

You can also make use of this time to let the other know of your expectations because no one is a mind reader. When our expectations are fulfilled, we begin to put in greater trust in the other person.

2. Understanding

Mutual understanding is an important aspect for any relationship to thrive.

You need to be able to listen intently to what the other person is saying. Make sure that they know that you are interested in what they have to say and respond by nodding along and maintaining eye contact.

Being able to empathize with an individual is also of great importance.  Care for them and be kind towards them. Listen to empathize and not criticize.

3. Maintaining commitments

Keeping commitments you make is important to build up trust and further invest in your emotional bank account. It always feels great when someone keeps their promises and does exactly as they said they would.

Make sure that you were home when you said you would or go out for dinner as you said instead of letting work getting in between your plans. We are able to add to one’s emotional reserve when we keep our commitments.

4. Show integrity

Integrity is one of the bricks placed as the foundation for any trusting relationship.

Any relationship that lacks personal integrity from any of the partners will continue to have a shaky base and will eventually topple over and break up. Make sure that you love and care for your partner and are 100% loyal to them.

Have a sound moral character to ensure that the other person is able to trust you blindly.

In addition, make sure that you never do anything that might break their trust in you because the pain from betrayal is extremely hard to deal with and may make a person suffer grief, distress, anxiety, damaged self-esteem and, even severe depression.

5. Attending to their little needs

As it is said, it is the little things that join up to form big things.

While it is necessary to address the major needs and requirements if an individual, it is also of great to be mindful of the minor ones. Small deeds of kindness such as a smile, a hug or simply respecting an individual can go a long way and may contribute to them developing greater trust in you. It shows the individual that you care for them and will always have their back.

6. Owning and apologizing for any withdrawal

We all carry flaws and tend to make mistakes.

Any kind of withdrawals that you make out of your emotional bank account need to be owned and accounted for.

Withdrawals can in the form of violating one’s trust, and the only way to make up for it truly is to express genuine remorse. Make sure that you issue a genuine apology as a deposit in order to counteract the damage we have done to the emotional bank account.

An emotional bank account needs to be maintained as one would maintain their bank account. Turning towards your partner, attending to them and providing them with love, care and support is how you can make deposits to the account while turning away from them is withdrawal.

Like any bank account, a zero account balance is alarming while negative balance needs prompt attention or it would lead to disastrous results.

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Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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