11 Useful Ways to Deal With Lack of Empathy in Relationships

A relationship lacking empathy will hit the rocks sooner or later. The fun in every relationship is for the two partners to understand and care for each other no matter the circumstances. When one person refuses to understand another person’s point of view, it inhibits the healthy growth of the relationship.

Dealing with someone who lacks empathy or facing a lack of empathy in relationships can be daunting, especially when you love them. However, the inability to empathize often stems from background and experience. In other words, when someone lacks empathy, it might not be entirely their fault.

LMFT, Dr. Kimberly VanBuren stresses the fact

The essence of a healthy partnership lies in understanding and supporting each other through all circumstances. When one partner fails to grasp the other’s perspective, it can impede the relationship’s growth and harmony.

People who lack empathy may also lack self-confidence and self-love sometimes. When you notice that your relationship is lacking empathy, it might be the right time to change things. If you wish to know how to deal with a lack of empathy in your relationship, keep reading this article.

What is empathy?

Looking for lack of empathy meaning? 

Empathy means the ability to sense another person’s feelings and emotions even when they don’t talk. We can also say empathy is the ability to be sensitive towards feelings at the moment. The inability to show empathy means there is a lack of caring.

You know others are going through some terrible experiences, but you don’t care. It is not just enough to recognize people’s emotional reactions. You must respond appropriately to them so that they can feel better.

The common saying, “Putting yourself in others’ shoes,” relates well with empathy. It means you should imagine yourself in another person’s situation or circumstances.

Even if you have no idea what others are going through, imagine them to be you and awaken you to their realizations. It goes as simple as asking yourself, “If I were to be this man, how would I feel?”

Empathy is all about being conscious of others’ emotions. To fully understand the concept of empathy, you must go through three stages of emotions. 

First, you must recognize, perceive, and respond correctly. It may look like your response will not help the situation, but you will be shocked at the effect. Your little action can be what the other person needs, after all.

What does it mean to lack empathy? 

Lacking empathy means not being able to understand or share the feelings of others. It’s like having a blind spot for someone else’s emotions. 

For instance, in a relationship, if your partner is upset about something important to them, but you can’t grasp why they’re upset or don’t seem to care, it might be due to a lack of empathy. 

Empathy is crucial in relationships because it helps you connect, support, and relate to your partner’s emotions, making the relationship healthier and more fulfilling. Similarly, a lack of empathy in relationships can lead to gradual but serious issues.

What causes a lack of empathy? 

A lack of empathy in relationships or otherwise can stem from various factors, including

• Childhood upbringing: A lack of emotional support or exposure to unsympathetic role models during childhood can hinder the development of empathy.
• Stress and self-focus: High stress levels and excessive self-concern can make it challenging to tune into others’ emotions.
• Personality traits: Certain personality traits, like narcissism, can make it difficult for individuals to empathize with others’ feelings and needs.
• Emotional exhaustion: Constant emotional fatigue or burnout can reduce one’s capacity to empathize with others.
• Lack of exposure: Limited exposure to diverse experiences and perspectives may hinder the ability to understand different emotions and viewpoints.

13 signs of a lack of empathy

Empathy is a fundamental human trait that allows us to connect with and understand the emotions of others. However, sometimes, people exhibit lack of empathy signs in relationships, which can strain the bond and hinder effective communication. 

If you are looking for examples of lack of empathy, here are 13 common signs of a lack of empathy in relationships, helping you recognize and address these behaviors in yourself or others.

• Difficulty understanding others’ emotions.
• Insensitivity to others’ feelings.
• Lack of interest in hearing about others’ problems.
• Inability to offer comfort or consolation.
• Self-centeredness, always putting oneself first.
• Difficulty in apologizing or acknowledging mistakes.
• Frequent dismissive or belittling behavior.
• Being quick to judge or criticize others.
• Unwillingness to compromise or see other viewpoints.
• Frequent conflicts and misunderstandings in relationships.
• Feeling disconnected from the emotions of others.
• Inconsistent or insincere responses to others’ emotions.
• Difficulty maintaining meaningful, supportive relationships.

5 reasons a spouse might lack empathy

There are a number of reasons your partner shows a lack of care or lack of compassion. Reasons for lack of empathy in relationships range from emotional problems to physical problems. Check the following for possible reasons a spouse lacks empathy

1. Stress and overwhelm

When a spouse is dealing with high levels of stress or feeling overwhelmed, they may have less emotional energy to empathize with others.

2. Communication issues

Sometimes, couples struggle to express their feelings and needs effectively, making it challenging to understand and connect with each other’s emotions.

3. Past trauma

Past experiences, such as emotional wounds or traumatic events, can affect a person’s ability to empathize because they may be dealing with their unresolved pain. This can be a very serious reason why your partner lacks empathy.

4. Self-focus

If a spouse is overly focused on their own concerns or needs, they may find it difficult to tune into their partner’s emotions.

5. Lack of awareness

Some people simply haven’t developed strong empathy skills or may not even realize the importance of empathy in a relationship, leading to a lack of effort in this area.

11 productive ways to deal with people who lack empathy

People who lack empathy don’t understand the effect of their inability to empathize with their partners. If you want to know how to deal with a lack of empathy in a relationship, check the following:

1. Express your messages clearly

Instead of expecting your partner to guess how you feel because you are suddenly moody, calmly communicate with them. While you are busy with your emotions, your partner may be going through another issue. Instead of whining, tell them about your experience without mincing words.

2. Empathize with yourself

You can deal with your partner’s inability to feel empathy by showing yourself some self-care. Be vulnerable about how you feel because sometimes we expect a lot from our partners when we can’t reciprocate.

Show yourself self-compassion by being honest about your pain and suffering. See yourself as your spouse or closest friend. If it were others, you would help them, right? So, why not help yourself instead of expecting your spouse to do that?

3. Understand that your partner is different

Sometimes, we feel our relationship lacks empathy because our partners don’t react the way we expect. To deal with a non-empathetic person, you must know that people differ in character and attitude. Your partner’s inability to show empathy does not mean they are wicked.

Don’t expect your partner to validate your feelings or meet them with the same level of emotions. After all, only you know where it hurts. Instead, acknowledge their little effort in helping you feel better.

4. Help your partner

What is the essence of a relationship if the partners can’t help each other? When there is a lack of empathy in a relationship, you can reduce the effect by teaching them how to empathize with others.

For instance, when you pass by a person and greet them, you can ask your partner, “How do you think she feels?” “Why do you think he acts in that manner?”

Gradually, your partner will start giving thought to people’s expressions and feelings. When it comes to your turn, it should be easy.

5. Show empathy around your partner

Your partner may be lacking empathy because they don’t know how to empathize with others. So, you can make them see the processes of compassion in real time. Show them that being nice is the first step to competing lack of compassion or lack of caring.

After that, help them with specific questions to ask themselves when they see others’ expressions. For example, as short as “Are you all right?” can go a long way in setting the foundation for empathy.

6. Strengthen your relationship with others

Lack of empathy in a relationship can make you depressed and think no one can help you. However, you can cope with your partner’s inability to empathize by developing your relationship with others.

Talk to a few people with whom you feel comfortable sharing your inner feelings. Ensure they have shown empathy in the past, and don’t forget to reciprocate when they need you the most.

7. Pay attention to your partner

Expecting your partner to show you emotional support without paying attention to them may affect your relationship. If you want to show your partner compassion, you must give your partner undivided attention every time.

That may help you sense a change in their emotions and feelings. Putting everything on hold to attend to your partner reveals that you care about them. That can push them to reciprocate in the future.

8. Listen to them

The basis of the lack of empathy in relationships is the inability to listen to each other. Remember that listening is quite different from hearing. 

Your partner may face you and hear every word but not pay attention to them. Instead of constantly blaming them, try to listen to your partner when they talk.

It is best not to criticize or judge them at any point. Rather, listen because you want to understand their feelings and help them feel better. Once the conversation is over, tell them you would like them to do the same for you in the future.

In this video, you’ll learn strategies for active listening during a conversation with another person:

9. Invite them to the issue intentionally

Humans are different as they come from different backgrounds and have different experiences. Some people need permission before offering you a shoulder. It does not mean they are insensitive outrightly; they don’t know how.

When someone lacks empathy, you should consider inviting them to your feelings by asking them how they feel about a particular situation. This question alone can open the floor for a long and exciting conversation. It is a way to make your partner feel like their opinion matters.

10. Visit a therapist

If you have effortlessly tried to help your partner empathize with you, it might be time to see a professional.

Seek a supporting and caring therapist who can help you through your situation emotionally. Ensure the therapist is an experienced one who has helped people like yourself in the past.

11. Lead by example

Leading by example in dealing with someone lacking empathy involves embodying the empathetic qualities and behaviors you’d like to see in them. This approach entails consistently demonstrating understanding, kindness, and compassion in your interactions.

Commonly asked questions

A lack of empathy in relationships can have profound effects. Here are answers to some common questions about this issue

• Why is a lack of empathy a problem for a marriage?

A lack of empathy can lead to misunderstandings, emotional distance, and conflicts in a marriage. It hinders effective communication and emotional connection, making it harder to navigate challenges together.

• How lack of empathy can affect your relationship 

It can strain your relationship by making your partner feel unheard and unvalued. This can lead to resentment, frustration, and an overall unhealthy dynamic in the relationship.

• Is it possible to lack empathy?

You can also ask, “Can a person without empathy love?” Yes, some people naturally have lower empathy levels, while others may struggle with empathy due to past experiences or personality traits. However, empathy can be developed and improved with effort.

• Is lack of empathy a red flag?

Yes, it can be a red flag in relationships, as it may indicate a lack of emotional connection and an inability to understand and support a partner’s needs. It’s important to address and work on improving empathy.

• What personality trait is a lack of empathy?

A lack of empathy is often associated with personality traits like narcissism or an overly self-centered focus. However, it can also be influenced by past experiences and upbringing.

Let empathy prevail

Lack of empathy in relationships is one of the most common problems between partners. Showing empathy is to understand another person’s feelings and show compassion. When you ignore your partner’s emotions, you imbibe a lack of compassion and lack of caring.

 If you want to know how to deal with a lack of empathy, you need to care for yourself. Also, help your partner build their empathy skills by showing them how to understand other people’s feelings.