The absolute answer to the question about why men have affairs is essentially summed up in the idea that either they fear no repercussion or they are psychopathic. They are offered an opportunity that they refuse to resist. It may be simply the heat of the moment, and a wholly unconsidered situation. But the fact is that any man who engages cheating is a willful participant who could have chosen to do otherwise. Let’s stop romanticizing and excusing horrible behavior.
With that in mind, the actual reasons why men have affairs are most often self-destructive. They are not unconscious hormones driving to a reasonable pre-ordained purpose. They are individuals with will who decide to take advantage of a momentary opportunity — come what may. The act of having an affair is selfish, unconscionable, malicious, trite and sad. In a moment where men are offered the opportunity to be the white knight, they choose to be the clown or evildoer. The pitiful thing is that everyone, including the wronged partner, will look for an excuse that makes the behavior tolerable rather than the ugly act it is.
Men have affairs because they decide to
They decide that the benefit of momentary bliss and display of conquest outweighs the repercussion of the action. Either that, or they are too childish, irresponsible and unconscious to realize that their actions have side-effects. In either case, there isn’t much chivalry or self control. The latter spells out a map for other potential issues, like abuse.
Why women associate with engaged men
One of the more curious aspects of why men choose to have affairs is: why do women choose to have relationships with men who are already engaged? This two-way street is a curiosity that seems to fail to be addressed. A woman engaging with a man who willfully accepts tainting a current relationship is not at all a prospect for long-term involvement. If a woman proves to herself that a man will allow himself to commit the ultimate betrayal, what is her interest? To have a relationship with a man who might well do the same thing to her? Or is everything based on endorphins?
As soon as the gateway of infidelity opens, the possibility of ‘eternity’ should be seen as closed. There is no satisfactory reason why a man would cheat with a woman he respects. And there is no reason for a woman to respect a man who cheats with her or on her.
Men cheat because it is acceptable in the society
The short answer to “why men cheat” is that society welcomes it. “Welcomes” may be a little strong, but in excusing and not renouncing infidelity is the same as a welcome. No woman who has ever cheated or been involved in infidelity by encouraging a man who is already in a relationship needs to ask the question, because they are inherently part of the problem.
But let’s take the unusual circumstance that a man and a woman who have never cheated on one another and have dedicated their lives mutually to forming a family experience a problem where the man decides to “seek adventure.” What is his ‘reason’?
Other reasons why men cheat
It is boredom, curiosity, fulfillment, and lack of communication. There is no other reason on the planet that a level-headed man will seek adventure in a relationship where he admits to having a wavering moment. The most difficult admission in this case would be admitting to a trusted partner that he was drawn to a sensation of wandering.
Therein likely lies the biggest problem. For cheating to never occur, a partner needs to trust his spouse with the fact that he may find other women attractive. Imagine a conversation where a man says to his wife “did you see [xyz]? she looked beautiful!” And imagine the spouse who does not take that as an affront, a swipe at her own beauty, and a net cast for infidelity.
The one thing that will change the focus from thoughts of infidelity has to be mired in the idea of unbounded loving trust, admission, sharing, completion, and intellectual adventure. No man given boundless opportunity to fantasize will need to seek another level of intimacy outside of a relationship. If he can share his fantasy rather than explore it, he will likely not stray. The difficult question is if the relationship can withstand the admission.