The absolute answer to the question about why men have affairs is essentially summed up in the idea that either they fear no repercussion or they are psychopathic.
They are offered an opportunity that they refuse to resist. It may simply be the heat of the moment and a wholly unconsidered situation.
But the fact is that any man who engages in cheating is a willful participant who could have chosen to do otherwise. Let’s stop romanticizing and excusing the reasons for infidelity in marriage.
With that in mind, the actual reasons why men have affairs are most often self-destructive. They are not unconscious hormones driving to a reasonable pre-ordained purpose.
They are individuals with will who decide to take advantage of a momentary opportunity — come what may.
The act of having an affair is selfish, unconscionable, malicious, trite, and sad. In a moment where men are offered the opportunity to be the white knight, they choose to be the clown or evildoer.
The pitiful thing is that everyone, including the wronged partner, will look for an excuse that makes the behavior tolerable rather than the ugly act it is.
Why men have affairs- because they decide that the benefit of momentary bliss and display of conquest outweighs the repercussion of the action.
Either that or they are too childish, irresponsible, and unconscious to realize that their actions have side-effects. In either case, there isn’t much chivalry or self-control. The letter spells out a map for other potential issues, like abuse.
Why women associate with engaged men
One of the more curious aspects of why do people cheat in relationships or why men have affairs is: why do women choose to have relationships with men who are already engaged?
This two-way street is a curiosity that seems to fail to be addressed. A woman engaging with a man who willfully accepts tainting a current relationship is not at all a prospect for long-term involvement.
If a woman proves to herself that a man will allow himself to commit the ultimate betrayal, what is her interest? To have a relationship with a man who might well do the same thing to her? Or is everything based on endorphins?
As soon as the gateway of infidelity opens, the possibility of ‘eternity’ should be seen as closed.
There is no satisfactory reason why do men cheat on their wives, a woman he respects. And there is no reason for a woman to respect a man who cheats with her or on her.
Men cheat because it is acceptable
The short answer to “why men cheat and lie” is that society welcomes it. “Welcomes” maybe a little strong, but in excusing and not renouncing, infidelity is the same as a welcome.
No woman who has ever cheated or been involved in infidelity by encouraging a man who is already in a relationship needs to ask the question because they are inherently part of the problem.
But let’s take the unusual circumstance that a man and a woman who have never cheated on one another and have dedicated their lives mutually to forming a family experience a problem where the man decides to “seek adventure.”
What is his ‘reason’?
Reasons why men cheat
It is boredom/dissatisfaction, curiosity, and lack of communication. There is no other reason on the planet that a level-headed man will seek adventure in a relationship where he admits to having a wavering moment.
Why men have affairs?
Lack of sex at home, either in frequency or longer-term abstinence, can undoubtedly drive a man to seek more physical fulfillment elsewhere.
Additionally, in many cases, an emotional void can become the primary cause of cheating in a relationship. Sex might not even be a concern for men in such cases.
A man may be dissatisfied with physical affection and intimacy in the relationship. Likewise, he may find the relationship lacks some of the qualities it once had.
Every relationship goes through cycles – dissatisfaction, if not immediately addressed, can create a downward sloping path to the dissolution of the relationship.
History has been filled with instances where men and their curiosity have gotten the better of them.
Moreover, the sheer pleasure of sexual encounters is so powerful that animal and human studies have revealed that sex takes precedence over food and concerns for health.
Combining such curiosity and sexual urge is only a recipe for disaster and infidelity.
People change and grow throughout life, and sometimes this means they will change and grow away from one another for a short period.
If a man is unable to make adjustments or does not feel his partner is willing to, then he might seek that positive communication with someone else.
It is not uncommon for a person who cheats to indicate that the person they chose to be with was willing to listen when their spouse was not.
Also watch: How couples recover and survive cheating.
The most difficult admission, in this case, would be admitting to a trusted partner that he was drawn to a sensation of wandering.
Therein likely lies the biggest problem. For cheating to never occur, a partner needs to trust his spouse with the fact that he may find other women attractive.
Imagine a conversation where a man says to his wife, “did you see [xyz]? she looked beautiful!” And imagine the spouse who does not take that as an affront, a swipe at her beauty, and a net cast for infidelity.
The one thing that will change the focus from thoughts of infidelity has to be mired in the idea of unbounded loving trust, admission, sharing, completion, and intellectual adventure.
No man given boundless opportunity to fantasize will need to seek another level of intimacy outside of a relationship.
If he can share his fantasy rather than explore it, he will likely not stray. The difficult question is if the relationship can withstand the admission.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.