When You Live With An Insecure Husband

Living with an insecure husband is not only hard work; it can have a devastating impact on your well being and emotional health.  You might struggle with the thought of how to deal with insecurity and how to love an insecure man. There are few things more emotionally defeating than to know that you are a faithful, loyal, caring and motivated spouse; and yet have an insecure husband who is continually suspicious, untrusting and rarely stops questioning many of your actions and motives. Many women simply work harder to jump through the hoops to keep their husbands happy.  At some point in time, the task of dealing with an insecure husband’s behavior simply becomes too overwhelming.  When this happens and the wife is finally at the end of her rope; she will sometimes announce that she is done trying, that the demands are too great and that it doesn’t matter how hard she tries, he always finds a new way in which she does not measure up.  Here are some of the insecure husband signs to show  you are living with an overly insecure husband may include:

1. He questions your motives all the time

You know that you are working hard to take care of your family and your man and that you rarely have time to take care of yourself or do something that you would like to do. No matter how hard you work at things, he still finds ways to question your motives and expresses doubt that you really do care like you say you do.

This is one of the glaring signs of an insecure man. You have to learn how to deal with an insecure husband.

2. He keeps score

You find that he never forgets the time you were able to go out with your friends or stop by to visit your mom, an obvious sign that you are married to an insecure husband.  He recounts to you often how many times you went out or got away compared to how many times he was able to do so. If he gets out more often, he reasons that most of his outings don’t count but yours always do.

Well! You are tied to an insecure partner.

3. He believes you always have a hidden agenda

When you are married to an insecure man, you will find yourself facing with such baseless doubts and allegations thrown along your way.

For example –

It seems that no matter how hard you work at doing your job in the home and taking care of your family, he continually questions your motives. He thinks you are doing things simply because you want something from him or because you feel you have to do your “required duty.”  You end up feeling continually robbed of almost all the joy that comes from taking care of your family.

Such toxic behavior from an insecure partner drains relationship. Dealing with an insecure husband is difficult, but not impossible. You have to find ways how to talk to an insecure guy tactfully and try reasoning with him as much as possible.

4. Arguing almost always becomes defensive rather than problem-solving

When you bring up a topic to try to problem solve in order to get it behind the two of you, he uses it as a forum to browbeat you and repeatedly drives home his point, no matter how hard you try to work toward a solution. This is typical of an insecure husband.

5. You are often in trouble for not complimenting or thanking him

The two of you may be going to a special event; he comes into the room and compliments you about how you look, and even before you have a chance to compliment him, you are in trouble for not doing so. If you do not thank him immediately for something he has done, you never hear the end of it. He will let you know that you had plenty of opportunities to compliment or thank him; but as you recall the situation, you know you never had a chance to do so before you were attacked.

Yes! Dealing with an insecure man gets tougher with each passing day.

6. There are many assumptions made on his part that you “should just know”

Marriage with an insecure husband implies that you just have to be an omniscient.

He often becomes angry because you did not catch on to how he was feeling or what he needed.  You may respond by letting him know that you can’t read his mind, but he counters by saying that as long as the two of you have been together, and as many times as this has happened in the past – “you should know this.”

7. He wants to know about every conversation or text you receive

You find that before you are even one sentence into answering a phone call, he demands to know who you are talking to.  He can’t stand it if you get a text and respond to it if he doesn’t know who it is and what the conversation is about.

8. He gets very jealous of the time you spend with or talking to your close friends

How to reassure an insecure man? Marriage with an insecure husband also implies you have to continually assure him that you place him above everyone else.

You know that you place a priority on him and your relationship together and that you are sensitive to his concerns about the time you spend with your close friends.  You cut back on the time you spend with your friends and limit conversations and texting with them; but he still argues with you and insists that it is too much time with them, and you care about them more than you care about him.

9. He is always right and seems to take pleasure in proving you wrong

 Even when you are going out of your way to avoid an argument with him, he seems to find things that you have done wrong or points out the fallacy in your thinking.  Then, no matter how you respond, you just get into more trouble with him.

If you are living with an insecure husband and the problem is not addressed, you are eventually going to run out of gas in the relationship. You may get to the point where you want out all together no matter what help or changes he is willing to try.  Before you get to that point, do some work to strengthen your resolve and self-esteem and then determine some hard and fast boundaries that you are willing to set in order to institute genuine change in the relationship.

Also, learn how to deal with an insecure man like a pro.

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David McFadden Marriage & Family Therapist

As licensed therapists in practice since 1994 both my wife and I are experts in helping couples with troubled marriages.  We designed a 6  month R.E.S.C.U.E. program to help couples find hope when they are ready to give up.  We would love the opportunity to talk with you to see if we... Read more can help. What We Offer You: We will come alongside you and work together with you. We work hard to gain a thorough understanding of what you are experiencing and how it is affecting you. We will help you discover and clarify what it is that you really want and need. We build a nurturing relationship with you, helping you successfully manage stress as you work on achieving your objectives. We help you generate options to build new bridges, moving you toward your goals. We will help to identify obstacles and road blocks that may stand in your way. We provide a safe environment to bring help you to be responsible and accountable for the steps you want to take, and stay with you while you take those steps. We provide regular debriefings regarding all attempts at change so that you can tweak things for greater success. We also love to help you learn how to celebrate your successes and the changes in life you have been looking for. Read less

(David McFadden is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Bartlett)