One would think that only a selective bunch of people are overprotective of their children, so much so that they arrange their marriages as well.
Sorry, to burst your bubble, pal but, it is a tale as old as time, immortalized by the great Shakespeare himself in “Romeo & Juliet”. Over the centuries this theme has been captured in every medium, be it a movie, television, short stories, songs, everywhere.
The question arises, ‘What to do if one is unfortunate enough to get stuck in such a situation?’
As this is a universal problem and such an old one, people have done several types of research and pieces of advice have traveled from word of mouth that, if one plays their cards right that perfect balance of having a peaceful and balanced life can be achieved.
1. Don’t keep it a secret
If you decide to hide your relationship on the basis that you have an inkling that your parents will disapprove of your relationship then especially is the time to take them in confidence and let them know.
It is better that they find out from you than from someone else. Also, hiding something as important as this would indicate that either you are at the wrong or you are ashamed of your relationship or partner.
2. Sit back, think, and evaluate rationally
Being in love is a wonderful feeling.
It makes the world more beautiful and recharges you in a more brilliant manner, everything is beautiful and perfect.
You start to look at the world from coloured glasses and at a time your judgements turn biased when it comes to your partner. Maybe your parents have seen something that you, in your high, missed. After all, they cannot want anything bad for you.
3. Take the time to clear the air
In case of different ethnicities, it often happens that the partner, unintentionally, says or does something that is considered offensive, or maybe they did or said something that was taken in a different manner.
Take the time, sit and talk with your family, try to find out the reason for their disapproval. Most of the time the reason are pretty petty and a good and an open conversation is all that is required.
Know where to draw the line?
If your parents’ disapproval is based on ethnic, societal, or class biases, then it high time to draw the line. It is up to you to hold your stance against their bigotry and shatter the age-old traditions.
To most of us parents’ approval means everything, but remember, that no matter how much experience they have had, or much love they have for us, they, like every other human being, can be wrong.
And it is better to try and have a relationship with both your parents as well as your chosen partner instead of being with someone you have nothing in common with and resent your parents for it.
4. Don’t turn your back on family
Keep a close eye that your partner is not drawing you away from your family.
No matter how difficult they can be, your parents and siblings are and will always be your first family. At times parents’ disapproval comes from the fear that perhaps you are getting too close to your partner and will eventually disappear from their life.
It is up to you to shower your parents with attention and love and remove this natural fear from them.
5. Pay attention to your tone
If your tone is harsh, or if you find yourself yelling because your parents do not support you, remember that loud words often mean that you do not have valid reasons to support your theory.
If you know in your heart of hearts that you are right, try to persuade your parents of the same thing. Shouting will not take you anywhere.
6. Do not take any side blindly
Whose side are you on?
A question that many people can relate to, ‘Whose side are you on?’ A simple answer is that ‘Do not take any side blindly’.
It is not fair for you or anyone to be in a position where they would have to choose between their loved one and family but, with authority comes responsibility.
If you have been out in that position, remember it is your duty to see things through as a child of the people who practically sacrificed their whole lives just for you and as a partner of someone who is trusting their life and future in your hands.
Word of the wise
Try to work it out, and find the balance. Know when is the time to keep on trying or to bow out. No one can be happy in a toxic environment. Remember, no one has it all, we are just stumbling through life, trying to make the best of it.