How to Avoid the “Growing Apart” Trap

How to avoid the growing apart trap

Many divorced individuals report having felt as if though they no longer knew the person they were married to when they decided to break up. It can be quite possible that both you and your spouse might change over time. People often evolve and change interests or even careers and lifestyles over the years.

Here are some ways you and your spouse can keep up with each other so that you grow together rather than grow apart:

Have an adventure

Studies show that couples who make and achieve goals together report feelings of solidarity. Rather than taking a typical vacation, making your next trip centered around an adventure activity that challenges you both can be a great way to bond and reinforce your connection. Taking a trip where you set out to climb a mountain, skydive, or hike a grand trail can be examples of adventures where you are required to rely on each other. The teamwork that can come with partaking in these adventures can help to keep you connected and in-sync with each other.  

Do your homework

If your spouse has a particular passion or hobby, staying current with what makes your spouse happy can be a great way to remain connected, as a couple. Taking the time out to keep up with your spouse’s favorite shows, sports, or authors, for example, can not only make your spouse feel loved and supported but can also make sure you stay up to date with each other’s pursuits and interests.  


Research indicates the many health benefits of meditation, including enhanced relaxation and spiritual clarity. Meditating together can not only be a great way to relax together, but it can also serve as a way to secure a stronger spiritual bond.  Couples who meditate together often report a significant reduction in fighting.  Taking the time to meditate together, on a consistent basis, can be a ritual that helps keep you connected and can open up the lines of communication by virtue of sharing the experience.  

Denise Limongello, LMSW, is a passionate and dedicated therapist who obtained her
graduate degree from Columbia University, School of Social Work. She is also a
graduate of Miss Porter’s School and Tulane University. Denise began her clinical career at The Renfrew Center of New York and has since then worked across all levels of care including Inpatient, Partial Hospitalization, Intensive Outpatient, and Outpatient, Private Practice settings.

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