Communication is vital in a relationship, but it’s not always so easy to talk about everything. Especially your sexual ideas wants and needs. Even in a long-standing relationship, many couples cannot express their general thoughts, desires or needs let alone their sexual needs.
If you can even speak your desires out loud, you may be concerned about how your partner or spouse will perceive your words.
In some situations not communicating your desires can also be a great way to avoid problems in the relationship especially in longer relationships and you may not want to upset the status quo of your relationship – we get it.
We acknowledge it’s not easy to communicate about sex but since sex and communication are vital components of a longstanding marriage or relationship then communicating about sex becomes a high priority. Whether you want it to be or not and even if you are not too active sexually right now if you could start communicating about sex you might just ignite and rejuvenate dormant parts of yourself that fill you with life and vitality again. Communicating about sex is a win-win situation.
In reality, it’s attractive to most people when somebody has the confidence to speak their minds, so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by communicating about sex.
Especially if you want to experience a vibrant, intimate successful relationship, you’ll benefit from getting on the communication train, especially the one that involves communicating about sex.
And if you are not already sold on the idea of communicating about sex with your partner or spouse let’s not forget that being open and honest in a relationship makes it easier for you to relate with each other. Especially since your partner or spouse will know what you want or need and won’t have to guess and vice versa.
Communication, sexual or otherwise in a relationship is the glue that holds the most successful relationships together.
Here are our best tips for communicating about sex with your partner easily in a variety of situations.
Alerting your partner that you want to communicate about sex
Be honest with your spouse about how you feel about communicating about sex.
Sometimes just opening up and letting your partner or spouse know that you feel that communicating about sex is something that is important but that you find it difficult to do is all you need.
This way, you have easily opened up the conversation about sex, and then you can work together to enhance how you communicate about sex together which in itself will promote intimacy and trust.
Remember that communicating about sex isn’t just all about talking dirty and in a manner that you are not comfortable with. It’s about finding a way to talk with your partner or spouse about sex that is natural for you and your spouse.
As you start communicating about sex, you’ll find that it becomes easier to communicate and you will eventually find a sexual communication style that you are comfortable with.
Communicating your sexual needs and desires
1. Try sexting
Sexting is an easy way to start to communicating about sex; it’s a great way to begin to talk about what you want and need sexually and to also learn how to speak to your spouse in a way that makes them aroused and even alerts you and your partner to how you like to be aroused.
Sexting also makes it easier for you to disclose your fantasies or ideas for how you can spice up your sex life simply because you are not having to talk and make eye contact physically – you can send the message and carry on with your day.
2. Create or purchase games that involve communicating about sex
There are many games that you can either buy or create that can invoke conversations about sex. Even a simple question and answer quiz created by you or your partner or spouse will do the trick. You can even find these types of questionnaires online all you need to do is find one you like and set some time aside for your sexy games.
For the serious sexual discussions
1. Write down what you want to say
If you have important matters that you intend on communicating about sex, then you might want to write down what you want to say so that you can put it into logical order and perspective.
This process also gives you something to refer to if you get flustered and takes the emotion or fear out of the situation too, which can only promote healthy conversations.
2. Asserting boundaries
Whether it be that you want to use a condom and your partner doesn’t, or if there’s a position that you don’t like doing, but it’s their favorite there’s a knack to communicating about such sexual issues.
It’s a knack that’s easy to do, and it starts with the first point we suggested for communicating about sex; writing down what you want to say so that you don’t get flustered and so that you can remember all of the important points you need to communicate.
When you are asserting boundaries it’s important to stand by them – otherwise, they are no longer boundaries! If they don’t acknowledge or respect your choices, and they also don’t want to adjust their behavior accordingly you may need to acknowledge that there is a lack of respect in your relationship – which will probably need some attention.
Where boundaries are concerned, if you know that you are fair, you should always stand by them which means that it should be easy for you to continue communicating about sexual boundaries because you have no reason to justify your need to communicate about sex in this manner.
While we recognize that communicating about sex is not fun (at least for the novice) if you can push yourself to start the conversations about sex with your spouse or partner, you’ll find that not only will it become easier to do but your sex life, sense of intimacy and even relationship will reward you tenfold for your efforts.