55 Damaging Things Narcissistic Mothers Say to Their Children

Did you know that words hold immense power? They can praise, encourage, and inspire, but they can also manipulate, control, and harm. When it comes to narcissistic mothers, their words can have a profound impact on their children’s self-esteem and mental well-being. 

It’s alarming to discover the things narcissistic mothers say to their sons and daughters, as these words can leave lasting scars. Coming across the many things a narcissistic mother says can lead to a number of psychological issues.

Imagine being constantly belittled, criticized, or guilt-tripped by the person who is supposed to provide love and support. Unfortunately, this is the reality for many individuals with narcissistic mothers. These mothers have a unique way of twisting words to maintain control and feed their own egos.

In this article, we will explore the things narcissistic mothers say and provide strategies on how to deal with them. Understanding these phrases and their underlying manipulative tactics can empower you to protect yourself and break free from their toxic influence. 

So, let’s delve into the world of narcissistic mothers and equip ourselves with the knowledge to overcome their hurtful words.

What is a narcissistic mother?

A narcissistic mother is someone who has a distorted sense of self-importance and seeks constant admiration from others. She prioritizes her own needs and desires above her children’s well-being, often using manipulative tactics to maintain control. 

These individuals are masters at appearing loving and caring on the surface, but behind closed doors, they can be emotionally abusive and damaging. Their words hold immense power, and the things narcissistic mothers say can cause deep emotional scars. 

From belittling remarks to guilt-tripping statements, the things covert narcissistic mothers say and narcissistic mother sayings are crafted to undermine their children’s self-worth and maintain their own superiority. 

Understanding the dynamics and motives behind things narcissistic mothers say is crucial in healing and breaking free from the cycle of emotional abuse.

7 narcissistic mother traits

Understanding the traits of a narcissistic mother is crucial for recognizing and navigating the complexities of such relationships. These traits can profoundly impact the emotional well-being and development of their children, often leading to feelings of inadequacy and emotional turmoil. Let’s explore seven common traits often exhibited by narcissistic mothers.

1. Excessive need for admiration

Narcissistic mothers constantly seek attention and praise from others, often at the expense of their children’s needs. They demand admiration and validation to boost their fragile self-esteem, leaving their children feeling neglected and unimportant.

2. Lack of empathy

Empathy is a foreign concept to narcissistic mothers, as they are unable to understand or relate to the emotions of others. They prioritize their own desires and emotions above all else, dismissing or invalidating their children’s feelings without hesitation.

3. Manipulative behavior

Manipulation is a cornerstone of narcissistic mothers’ interactions, as they use various tactics to control and exploit others for their own gain. 

They employ guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and emotional blackmail to maintain dominance and ensure compliance from their children. It’s not uncommon to hear things narcissistic mothers say like “You owe me everything; I sacrificed so much for you” or “You’re just exaggerating; stop being so dramatic.”

4. Boundary violations

Narcissistic mothers have little regard for personal boundaries, frequently crossing lines and intruding into their children’s lives. They may invade privacy, control social interactions, and dictate life choices, leaving their children feeling suffocated and powerless.

5. Constant criticism

Criticism is a staple in the household of a narcissistic mother, as they relentlessly nitpick and belittle their children’s accomplishments and character. Nothing is ever good enough, and their children are constantly made to feel inadequate and unworthy. 

It’s common to hear things narcissistic mothers say like “You’ll never amount to anything” or “You’re so selfish, you never think about anyone but yourself.”

6. Projection of their own flaws

Narcissistic mothers project their insecurities and faults onto their children, blaming them for their own shortcomings and failures. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions, instead shifting the blame onto their children to maintain their self-image.

7. Lack of boundaries between parent and child

Narcissistic mothers often view their children as extensions of themselves rather than autonomous individuals. They may impose their own goals, desires, and values onto their children, stifling their independence and autonomy in the process. 

It’s not uncommon to hear things narcissistic mothers say like, “You should be grateful to have me as your mother” or “You’re just like me. You have to do things my way.”

55 damaging things narcissistic mothers say

Narcissistic mothers often employ a range of damaging language to assert control, manipulate, and undermine their children’s self-esteem and well-being. 

These phrases can leave lasting emotional scars, shaping the way their children perceive themselves and interact with the world. Here are 55 damaging things narcissistic mothers commonly say, along with brief descriptions of the harmful effects they can cause:

1. “You’ll never amount to anything.” – Destroys self-confidence and instills a sense of worthlessness.
2. “You’re so selfish.” – Manipulates guilt and prevents setting necessary boundaries.
3. “You always disappoint me.” – Creates fear of abandonment and fear of making mistakes.
4. “Nobody will ever love you like I do.” – Creates dependency and undermines healthy relationships.
5. “You’re lucky I put up with you.” – Undermines self-worth and fosters self-doubt.
6. “You’re too sensitive.” – Invalidates emotions and fosters a fear of expressing true feelings.
7. “I sacrificed so much for you.” – Manipulates guilt and fosters indebtedness.
8. “You’re the reason for all my problems.” – Places blame on the child and fosters guilt.
9. “You’re just like your father/mother.” – Creates identity confusion and denies individuality.
10. “You’re making it all up.” – Gaslights and invalidates the child’s experiences.
11. “You’re overreacting.” – Invalidates emotions and undermines the child’s perspective.
12. “You owe me for everything I’ve done for you.” – Creates a sense of obligation and indebtedness.
13. “You’re too needy.” – Diminishes the child’s needs and fosters self-reliance.
14. “You’re not as (smart, talented, etc.) as other children.” – Undermines self-esteem and fosters insecurity.
15. “You’re just seeking attention.” – Dismisses the child’s cry for help and fosters suppression of emotions.
16. “You’re the reason I’m unhappy.” – Downplays accountability and manipulates guilt.
17. “You’re so difficult to love.” – Instills self-doubt and fosters fear of rejection.
18. “You’re just being dramatic.” – Invalidates emotions and dismisses valid concerns.
19. “You can’t do anything right.” – Undermines self-confidence and fosters fear of failure.
20. “You’re just like (insert negative person).” – Attacks the child’s identity and fosters self-loathing.
21. “You’re so ungrateful.” – Manipulates guilt and dismisses the child’s needs and desires.
22. “You’re such a burden.” – Develops a sense of unworthiness and fosters self-rejection.
23. “You should be thankful I’m your mother.” – Manipulates guilt and fosters dependency.
24. “You’re always to blame.” – Diminishes personal responsibility and fosters self-doubt.
25. “You’re too much trouble.” – Invalidates needs and fosters suppression of self-expression.
26. “You’re just weak.” – Undermines confidence and fosters self-doubt.
27. “You’ll never find anyone who will love you.” – Instills fear of rejection and fosters attachment to the narcissistic mother.
28. “You’re just trying to manipulate me.” – Gaslights and dismisses the child’s attempts to communicate.
29. “You don’t deserve good things.” – Undermines self-worth and fosters self-sabotage.
30. “You’re just like everyone else.” – Diminishes uniqueness and fosters a sense of mediocrity.
31. “You’re too sensitive for this world.” – Invalidates emotions and denies the child’s experiences.
32. “You’re such a disappointment.” – Undermines self-esteem and fosters a fear of not meeting expectations.
33. “You’ll never be happy without me.” – Fosters dependency and undermines the child’s independence.
34. “You must always obey me.” – Suppresses autonomy and fosters a sense of helplessness.
35. “You’ll never find success without my guidance.” – Undermines self-confidence and fosters reliance on the narcissistic mother.
36. “You’re just a burden on everyone.” – Instills a sense of guilt and fosters self-isolation.
37. “You’re too sensitive for your own good.” – Suppresses emotions and fosters self-doubt.
38. “You’ll never find someone who can tolerate you.” – Instills fear of rejection and fosters attachment to the narcissistic mother.
39. “You’ll never be able to survive on your own.” – Fosters dependency and undermines the child’s self-sufficiency.
40. “You’re just too difficult to love.” – Manipulates guilt and fosters fear of rejection.
41. “You’re so ungrateful for everything I’ve done.” – Diminishes gratitude and fosters entitlement.
42. “You’ll always need me to protect you.” – Fosters dependency and denies the child’s ability to navigate the world independently.
43. “You’re just imagining things.” – Gaslights and dismisses the child’s reality.
44. “You’ll never be as successful as I am.” – Undermines confidence and fosters a fear of failure.
45. “You’re just being irrational.” – Invalidates emotions and dismisses valid concerns.
46. “You’re not capable of making good decisions.” – Undermines confidence and fosters self-doubt.
47. “You’re just like (negative characteristics).” – Attacks the child’s identity and fosters self-loathing.
48. “You’re so disrespectful.” – Suppresses individuality and fosters fear of asserting boundaries.
49. “You’ll never find happiness without me.” – Fosters dependency and undermines the child’s ability to create their own happiness.
50. “You’re just seeking sympathy.” – Invalidates the child’s emotions and dismisses their need for support.
51. “You don’t deserve love.” – Diminishes self-worth and fosters fear of rejection.
52. “You’re just like (another person the mother disapproves of).” – Attacks identity and fosters self-loathing.
53. “You’ll never be good enough.” – Undermines self-confidence and fosters a fear of not meeting expectations.
54. “You’re too unreliable to trust.” – Diminishes trust in oneself and fosters self-doubt.
55. “You’re just like your (a negative family member).” – Attacks identity and fosters a sense of shame.
    

How to deal with the words of a narcissistic mother?

Dealing with the words of a narcissistic mother can be incredibly challenging, but there are strategies that can help you navigate this difficult situation. Here are some ways to cope with the damaging things a narcissistic mother would say and effectively manage your interactions:

• Establish boundaries: Clearly define and communicate your boundaries with your narcissistic mother. Be firm and assertive in expressing what is acceptable and what is not in your interactions.
• Practice self-care: Prioritize your own well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Take time to nurture yourself and prioritize your own emotional health.
• Seek support: Connect with trusted friends, family members, or professionals who can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings and receive guidance. Consider joining support groups or therapy sessions geared towards individuals dealing with narcissistic abuse.
• Validate your own experiences: Recognize and trust your own reality. Remind yourself that you have the right to your own thoughts, emotions, and experiences, regardless of what the narcissistic mother says.
• Reframe negative self-talk: Be mindful of the negative messages internalized by your narcissistic mother. Challenge and reframe those negative beliefs with positive affirmations and self-compassion.
• Set realistic expectations: Accept that you won’t be able to change the narcissistic mother or make her see her toxic behavior. Instead, focus on your own personal growth and progress.

To address specific situations, here are some examples of things to say to a narcissistic mother:

• “I will not allow you to speak to me in that way.”

• “I will not accept blame for your happiness or unhappiness.”

• “I am entitled to my own opinions and feelings, just like anyone else.”

• “I am setting boundaries in order to protect my well-being.”

• “I choose to surround myself with positivity and support.”

• “I will not engage in toxic conversations or arguments.”

It can be really difficult and challenging to live with a mother who is too self-absorbed and thinks of her children as mere extensions of herself. The following video talks about effective ways to deal with a narcissistic mother:

FAQs

Maintaining relationships with a narcissistic mother can be challenging. Recognizing the signs and understanding their behaviors is crucial for your well-being. Here are some straightforward answers to common questions about dealing with a narcissistic mother.

• How do you tell if my mother is narcissistic?

Signs of a narcissistic mother include excessive need for admiration, lack of empathy, manipulation, boundary violations, constant criticism, and projecting flaws onto others.

• What are the behaviors of a narcissistic mother?

Narcissistic mothers exhibit behaviors like seeking constant admiration, lacking empathy, manipulating others, invading personal boundaries, criticizing excessively, and blaming others for their faults.

• What does a narcissistic mom say?

Narcissistic mothers may say things like, “You’re ungrateful,” “You’ll never be good enough,” or “I sacrificed everything for you.” They use manipulation, guilt-tripping, and criticism to control and undermine their children.

• How do you outsmart a narcissistic mother?

Setting boundaries, practicing self-care, seeking support from others, and maintaining perspective can help. Limiting exposure to toxic behaviors, focusing on your own well-being, and seeking therapy can empower you to navigate the relationship more effectively.

Decoding tactics and taking control

In unraveling the manipulative web woven by narcissistic mothers, understanding their words is the first step to liberation. By recognizing phrases like gaslighting and guilt-tripping, you empower yourself to break free from their psychological clutches. 

As you embark on a journey of healing, remember that setting boundaries and seeking support are crucial. Embrace self-love and prioritize your mental well-being. It’s time to reclaim your narrative. Stand tall, confident, and resilient. Say goodbye to the toxic echoes of a narcissistic mother’s words. 

Take charge of your life and embark on a path to genuine happiness and self-discovery. The power to transform is in your hands.

Expert Q&A

What if your daughter is ungrateful? Do you just stay quiet and continue letting her take everything around her for granted?

Anne Duvaux

Coach

Expert Answer

Sometimes, people go through phases, and age and context play a big role in our behaviors. So, an ungrateful 15-year-old is very different from an ungrateful 40-year-old daughter. Depending on how old your daughter is, it's worth remembering that our prefrontal cortex doesn't fully develop until we are 25 and sometimes even 30. This part of the brain allows us to reason, make decisions, and act as a bit of a regulator of our emotions. That doesn't mean we excuse unhealthy behaviors, but we try to talk about them with compassion rather than staying quiet. So, telling your daughter she's ungrateful can sound like a judgment. Instead, try to think of specific examples. For instance, does she help herself to things that are not hers to simply take? Does she never say thank you? Does she constantly complain and demand more? Once you have your examples, you can use the non-violent communication framework, which is still one of the most powerful tools, to share how you are feeling with someone. The aim is to use I-statements to state that when, for example, your daughter takes your purse without asking, you feel ... undervalued, disregarded, abandoned ... whatever feeling resonates for you, and then tell her that you need open communication such that she asks before she borrows and would she consider doing that. Finally, take communication gently and one step at a time because such behaviors are driven by a deeper pain. As you share your pain of being taken for granted, try to ask her what's her pain and what she needs from you. In other words, what is your role in the dynamic? I know that sounds tough to hear but you both have a pain that you need to help each other work through together. The more you can do that, the more positive a relationship you can build.

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Callen Winslow Author

Callen Winslow is a passionate writer who focuses on the complexities of relationships and the human experience. Drawing on his background in psychology, he believes that everyone has the potential for personal growth and fulfillment... Read more in their relationships. When not writing, Callen can often be found indulging his love of art and sculpture or exploring his fascination with astronomy through stargazing. Read less