Leaving a Narcissist – How to Get out of Your Relationship with a Narcissist

Are you in love with a narcissist, but have had enough of their self-serving behaviors?  Are you considering leaving them? You are probably having a difficult time making the decision.

Narcissists can be very charming, especially when they sense you’ve got one foot out the door.  We understand it is hard to leave this type of person, after all, they can be warm, attentive, funny and brilliant…for awhile.  Until they revert back to their typical narcissistic self, where everything is focused on them.

Let’s talk about this complex type of person, and look at some good strategies for extricating yourself from the relationship.

First of all, how do you identify a narcissist? If you are unsure if your partner is a true narcissist, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do they act like the entire world revolves around them?  
2. Does every conversation revolve around them, and if you start to talk about anything else, do they steer the discussion back to them?
3. If you express a differing opinion, do they get angry, tell you you are wrong, or become cold towards you?
4. Do they delight in breaking rules, such as cheating on taxes, taking up two parking spaces, cutting in line, shoplifting, or going over the speed limit?  Do they think these rules shouldn’t apply to them?
5. Are they unable to express empathy for others?
6. Do they have a lack of respect for others’ boundaries?  Do they use your personal things without asking, or borrow money without paying it back?  
7. Do they like external symbols of wealth and power, especially if they have neither?  Like an expensive car that they can’t afford, or a club membership that puts them into debt.  It’s all about appearances.
8. Do they have an inflated sense of self-importance?  Have they told you you won’t survive if you try to leave them, that no one else would ever love you like they do?

These are but some of the traits of narcissists.  Now, let’s see why it is so difficult to leave them.

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you are probably feeling depressed, depleted and with a low sense of self-worth.  

This is the result of the narcissist’s manipulating strategies, making you feel worthless in order to keep you close to them, the “only person who really loves you.”  

This is not good for your mental health.  Leaving a narcissistic partner is the best thing you can do to keep yourself healthy.

Charm their way back into your life

When a narcissistic partner fears being dumped, they will turn on the charm.

They will try every trick in the book to get you to stay; their manipulative powers of persuasion are fierce.  But be strong. Even if they are capable of showing “normal” behavior, it will not last and their true colors will return eventually.  You will need to be firm with your partner when they try and reel you back in. Remind yourself of the following traits:

• They cannot truly love you
• Your love for them will not change them nor make them into the partner you deserve
• They will never see the errors in their ways nor be able to change who they are
• You cannot fix them nor is that your role in life
• You will find happiness elsewhere

Here’s what you need to keep in mind when leaving a narcissist 

1. Set limits

Get used to using the word “no” with your narcissist partner.  If they try to convince you that they will change, remember: your well-being is worth leaving him for.  So tell them “no” and keep packing.

Do not take their calls.  Do not answer their emails or private messages.  Block them from your Facebook (and this will block you from seeing theirs, too). 

2. Keep your eye on your beautiful, balanced future

You’ve been in a relationship that was all about one person.  That’s exhausting. When your partner tries to lure you back in, remain focused on the future that is spread out in front of you.  

A future that includes a true partner, one who is interested in you, who asks you questions about your life, and who has empathy for all around them.  Think of how happy and light that sounds.

No more mincing around your partner and watching what you say so that you don’t “set them off.”  

Envision how freeing it feels to be in a healthy, nurturing relationship.  

This will keep you moving forward when your mind starts playing tricks on you, telling you that maybe things were not so bad after all.

Remind yourself that narcissists are incapable of loving another person, and the only reason they want you back in their life is because you shine love and light upon them.  But you don’t receive any of that back, right? So keep walking. 

3. Be kind to yourself

You may have been in this unhealthy relationship for a long time, and you may be beating yourself up over all this time wasted.  Stop that right now; it is unproductive. There’s a reason for everyone’s presence in your life, even the narcissists.

Use this relationship as a life lesson, showing you what you don’t want in your life.

This will help lead you to a partner who is a better fit.  Now that you’ve seen what a true narcissist is like, you will be attune to this should you ever meet another one.  And you will not give that person one second of your time, because you’ve learned your lesson.

You deserve good, healthy love.  Leaving a narcissist is the best thing you can do to get out of the situation and making a move towards a healthy future.

ractice self-kindness every day, through positive messages, gentle exercises, and healthy eating.  Surround yourself with people who support you. Your dignity and power will never be compromised again.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less