Importance of Pre-Marriage Counseling

Congratulations, the wedding is all set!

You have sent out your invitations, decided on what cake to get after a million cake-testings, reserved the wedding venue of your dreams, and finally chosen the best tux for the groom and the best gown for the bride.

Now all you have to do is meet with your counselor for premarital couples counseling. But wait a second. Is that necessary?

I know many couples are uncomfortable with the idea of pre-marriage counseling. For them, going to meet with a counselor means that something is wrong with the relationship.

The same stigma is attached to people who go to individual therapy. There is this notion that only couples who are unsure of getting married have to get their relationship assessed, which is a common misunderstanding.

You see, both of you may be pretty sure about each other, but you may have some issues you have been avoiding subconsciously if there are any.

It’s probably for the best of both parties to figure things out as early as possible, and you can do that through counseling before marriage.

Recommended – Pre Marriage Course

It is always up to the both of you if you want to meet with a pre-marriage counselor or not. Besides, it is not a requirement to get married.

However, research has indicated that couples who went through pre-marriage counseling were able to achieve greater marital satisfaction than the ones who did not.

To inform you more about the process, here are some of the things you will accomplish when you decide to go through marriage counseling before marriage.  

Talk about your relationship problems

The both of you may have been too busy planning the whole event that you have not given much time to evaluate your relationship.

Months before the wedding, a lot of couples would habitually avoid confrontations that could lead to breakups. But here’s the thing. Sweeping the dirt under the rug is not a healthy course to take.

To create an analogy, cutting arguments short and unresolved is simply a band-aid solution. And what happens to the wounds that are never cleaned and quickly covered? They get infected.

The same is true with relationships. You have to find the time to open up about your issues together, and the best opportunity to do so is during couples therapy before marriage.

Counseling for couples before marriage is the right opportunity to talk everything out so you can start with a clean slate. The slate could get dirty during the process if you know what I mean.

One of you is most likely to bring up something that happened years ago, and finally, you can have it settled once and for all, so it never gets squeezed in any fight ever again.

Oh, the mess it could make! But it’s going to be worth it as you will end up feeling great after a couple of sessions or so.

Discuss practical matters

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Pre-marriage counseling is also the time to talk about things like money, time, and kids.  

Your counselor is most likely to ask you about your financial status, whether or not you are planning to have children, how you will manage your time between home and work, and things that deal with the reality of marriage.

The truth of the matter is, love alone cannot sustain the relationship. You have to be prepared with the demands of marriage and the challenges the world will throw at you as a couple.

Establishing real-life goals and expectations outside your bubble of romance is something that will help you achieve success in your marriage.

Get an outside perspective

Sometimes, there is a certain level of difficulty in trying to realize each other’s faults without a third-party perspective.

Friends provide a good standpoint, but they could get biased depending on who is closer to whom.

Friends also tend to sugarcoat what they want to say instead of being “brutally” honest, even if the situation demands it from them.

Pre-marriage counseling is a great way to get some unbiased advice and also some golden nuggets of wisdom from someone who knows the ins and outs of marriage.

Learn conflict resolution skills

Conflicts are so much different when you are married compared to when you are just in the dating period.

From petty jealousy that can be resolved by a quick kiss on the cheek, marriage arguments can go from small issues about chores to big arguments about finances.

Pre-marriage counseling can give you advice on what to do when your marriage is on the rocks.

Counselors are experts sought out on this particular aspect, so it is better to entrust your issues to them rather than rant to a friend who may not even understand what serious relationships are like.

You might even get some dangerous encouragement to commit hasty decisions if you try to talk your problems out to someone who does not get it.

Discover new things about each other

Pre-marriage counseling can be a way for you to know your partner even more. During the session, you are required to talk about your feelings, aspirations, and expectations as individuals and as a couple.

From these conversations, something might come up that will surprise you. It may be good or bad, but new information about the love of your life is worth knowing about.

Talk about how to avoid divorce

One of the main reasons why people decide to go to Pre-marriage counseling is because it is proven that agreeing to go through this process lowers the probability of divorce.

That is backed up by reliable research studies. Pre-marriage counseling is the time for couples to talk about whether divorce is an option or not. It is also the time to establish your grounds for divorce.

Also watch: 3 ways to build a happy marriage and avoid divorce.

Where you can find marriage counselors

There are different ways to reach a good counselor. Your first option is to talk to your trusted religious leaders from your house of worship.

These people often lead the wedding ceremony and encourage couples to sit down and talk before the marriage. You can also try and find premarital counselors from local listings through the internet.

Try to ask some of your married friends if they have a person to recommend, most likely somebody they went to or know personally.

You can also go for professional therapy if you feel like your relationship needs it. Do not get hindered by the stigma attached to going to counseling.

Before we end, let me tell you a little more something. Pre-marriage counseling can be very productive, but it can also be risky.

In some instances, it can push the couple to determine whether the wise decision is to go through the marriage or break it off for the meantime.

If you realized that the relationship has deep-seated problems, you might choose to work on it together with your counselor or drop the whole thing altogether.

The worst-case scenario remains to be the story of a runaway bride or groom on the actual day of the wedding.

Pre-marriage counseling can avoid this from becoming an event of the reality from simply being a product of overthinking.

Pre-marriage counseling is something you should think about. You invest a lot of time in planning your wedding. So why not give twice the time and effort to plan your marriage?

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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