17 Ways Women Destroy Their Marriage

Imagine this: you and your partner, a team that’s built a beautiful life together. But lately, things haven’t felt quite as strong. Maybe it’s a nagging sense of distance or a frustration that keeps bubbling up. It happens in even the best relationships – tiny habits, almost invisible at first, that can slowly chip away at the foundation you’ve built.

Here’s the thing: we all bring baggage (good and not-so-good) into relationships. But the good news is, we can also choose to unpack it, understand its impact, and work towards a stronger bond. Nobody’s perfect, and focusing solely on blame doesn’t get us anywhere. 

Instead, let’s explore some common behaviors that might be creating strain, and see if there are ways to adjust them, together. Because a truly fulfilling partnership is a two-way street, and by acknowledging these patterns, we can pave the way for a connection that’s not just enduring, but deeply enriching for both of you.

What does it mean to destroy their message?

When discussing how women destroy their marriage, it’s essential to understand what “destroy” entails in the context of a marital relationship. This phrase doesn’t necessarily mean ending the marriage legally but refers to actions or behaviors that severely damage the foundational elements of trust, respect, and love—key components that sustain any marriage. 

These things that destroy marriages can lead to a profound disconnection between partners, transforming the marriage into a source of constant stress and unhappiness rather than support and partnership. 

Recognizing these behaviors is the first step toward healing and rebuilding a healthier, more resilient relationship.

17 ways women destroy their marriage

Sarah sits across from me, frustration etched on her face. “We just don’t seem to connect anymore,” she sighs. 

John, her husband, looks down at his hands. “I feel like I can never do anything right,” he mutters. This is a common scenario in many marriages. 

Over time, habits can form that create distance and misunderstandings. Let’s explore some behaviors, especially those women might unknowingly fall into, that can chip away at a strong partnership. 

Remember, understanding these isn’t about placing blame, but about creating opportunities for growth and a more fulfilling connection. Also, these destructive habits are not exclusive to just women, nor are they meant to generalize women’s behavior within relationships. 

1. Neglecting communication

Communication is like the water that nourishes the garden of your relationship; without it, things that destroy marriages can start to feel a bit parched. When we don’t share our thoughts and feelings, our partners can feel distant from our inner worlds. 

It’s beneficial to regularly check in with each other, not just about day-to-day activities but about deeper emotions and dreams. This keeps the connection alive and growing.

For example, a wife may avoid discussing her dissatisfaction with their social life, leading to unresolved feelings of loneliness and resentment.

2. Lack of appreciation

Imagine working hard on something meaningful and not receiving any recognition for it. Feels disheartening, right? This is exactly how your partner might feel when their efforts go unnoticed.

According to Maggie Martinez, LCSW:

When appreciation fades, so does connection. Taking your partner for granted slowly erodes the foundation of love and respect in a marriage.

Simple acknowledgments and expressions of gratitude can significantly uplift the spirit of your marriage. Everyone wants to feel valued and seen by their significant other.

For example, a simple situation like ignoring the effort her husband puts into cooking dinner can make him feel unvalued and discouraged.

3. Avoiding conflict resolution

It might seem easier to avoid confrontations and hope that unresolved issues will resolve themselves. However, unaddressed conflicts can create an underground of resentment and disconnect. 

Facing conflicts head-on, though challenging, clears the air and fosters a deeper understanding and respect between partners. This is a classic scenario in how women destroy their marriage by not addressing issues when they arise.

For example, when she feels upset about financial spending but chooses silence over discussion, it builds hidden tension between the couple.

4. Unrealistic expectations

When we set expectations that are too high or not aligned with our partner’s capabilities, what destroys a marriage often takes root. It can lead to disappointment and frustration on both sides. It’s important to remember that your partner is human, with their own strengths and weaknesses. 

Embracing imperfections and having realistic expectations helps nurture acceptance and compassion in your relationship.

For example, expecting her husband to know why she’s upset without her expressing it can lead to misunderstandings and frustration.

5. Overdependence or excessive independence

A balanced relationship involves a healthy dose of both closeness and individuality. Relying too much on your partner can create undue pressure, while too much independence might leave them feeling unneeded. 

Maggie Martinez Reid highlights that:

Relying on your partner for all emotional needs can become suffocating. A healthy marriage allows room for both closeness and individual growth.

Finding a middle ground where both partners feel supported yet free to pursue their individual interests is key to a harmonious relationship.

For example, relying on her husband for all social interactions or, conversely, planning weekends without including him can strain their connection.

6. Jealousy

Jealousy is a natural emotion, but when it spirals out of control, it can create walls between you and your partner.

Maggie Martinez adds that:

Unchecked jealousy turns love into control. Insecure behavior often pushes away the connection it’s trying to protect.

Trust is foundational in a relationship, and managing insecurities constructively is crucial. Openly discussing feelings of jealousy and seeking reassurance can help mitigate misunderstandings and build trust.

For example, reacting with suspicion when her husband talks to female colleagues, without any concrete reason, can erode trust.

7. Financial irresponsibility

Money matters in marriage are more than just cents and dollars; they’re about security and mutual goals. When one partner handles finances irresponsibly, it can lead to significant stress and strife. Engaging in honest discussions about budgeting, spending, and saving reflects respect for the shared financial future and each other’s needs.

For example, making a large purchase without discussing it with her husband can create financial strain and breach their trust.

8. Disrespect

Respect is the cornerstone of any strong relationship. When we mock or belittle our partner, especially in front of others, it not only hurts them but also erodes the respect that forms the foundation of love.

Cultivating a culture of respect involves mindful communication and treating each other with dignity, always remembering that your partner deserves the same kindness you do. This often illustrates how women destroy their marriage through a lack of respect and consideration.

For example, mocking her husband’s interests in front of friends, calling them “silly” or “childish,” can deeply hurt his feelings and diminish his self-esteem.

9. Not prioritizing the relationship

Life gets busy, doesn’t it? With careers, children, and personal ambitions, it can be all too easy to put your relationship on the back burner. However, when the partnership isn’t treated as a priority, it’s a common way that women destroy their marriage. 

Making time for each other, even in small ways, can reaffirm the importance of your bond.

For example, choosing to work late every night instead of setting aside time for a regular date night or even a brief daily catch-up.

10. Refusing to compromise

Finding a middle ground is often the bridge that keeps the connection intact during disagreements. When compromise seems like a distant thought, it can lead to feelings of resentment or inequality in the relationship. Remember, it’s not about winning an argument but about nurturing a partnership where both feel valued and heard.

For example, insisting on spending holidays with your own family every year without considering alternating years with your partner’s family.

11. Breaking trust

Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship. When this trust is shaken, whether through small deceits or significant betrayals, it hurts deeply. Breaking trust is often cited as a key factor in how to ruin a marriage. 

Rebuilding trust starts with honesty and a sincere effort to understand and address the underlying issues that led to the breach.

For example, keeping secrets about financial expenditures or personal decisions that affect both partners.

12. Constant criticism

It’s natural to feel the need to express displeasure if something bothers you. However, when feedback turns into constant criticism, it can chip away at the partner’s self-esteem and affect their emotional well-being. 

Constant criticism is one of the secrets that destroy marriages, turning what could be constructive discussions into sources of resentment.

For example, frequently pointing out your partner’s flaws or mistakes in daily tasks, like how they cook or clean, without acknowledging their efforts.

13. Comparing to others

It’s human to notice how other relationships function, but frequent comparisons can create a sense of inadequacy and discontent. Celebrating the unique aspects of your own relationship can foster greater appreciation and satisfaction between you and your partner.

For example, mentioning how attentive your friend’s spouse is and lamenting why your partner can’t be more like that.

14. Not engaging in shared interests

Sharing activities or hobbies can strengthen bonds and create lasting memories. When partners no longer invest time in shared interests, they may feel disconnected or drift apart. This disengagement is another way women destroy their marriage, as it removes the shared experiences that help sustain a deep connection.

For example, opting out of joining your partner for a weekly movie night or a shared hobby like hiking, which you used to enjoy together.

15. Allowing family or friends to interfere

While family and friends are integral to life, their involvement should not override the couple’s autonomy in decision-making. It’s essential to set boundaries with loved ones to protect the sanctity and privacy of your partnership.

For example, letting parents dictate decisions about your home or parenting without discussing it first with your partner to form a united stance.

16. Lack of support during hard times

Life isn’t always smooth, and during those bumps in the road, emotional support from a partner is invaluable. When it feels like you’re alone in your struggles, the journey can seem much harder. 

Being there for each other, not only in good times but especially in bad, strengthens the trust and love in a relationship.

For example, being emotionally distant or unresponsive when your partner is facing challenges at work or with their health, making them feel isolated in their struggles.

17. Lack of intimacy

Intimacy is the glue in a relationship. When physical or emotional closeness begins to fade, it can leave both partners feeling distant or unloved. Rekindling this connection through affectionate gestures and open communication about needs can deeply enhance the bond and ensure both partners feel cherished.

For example, scheduling a regular date night or simply holding hands while watching a movie can reignite feelings of closeness and affection, reminding you both of the deep connection that brought you together.

9 tips for women to save their marriage

Marriage is a profound journey of companionship and love, yet it requires thoughtful care and attention from both partners. Sometimes, without realizing it, certain behaviors might start to strain this beautiful connection. 

In the spirit of nurturing and healing, let’s look at how you can strengthen your bond and steer clear of common pitfalls.

1. Communicate openly and honestly

Creating a space for open dialogue is essential. Share your thoughts and feelings, the highs and the lows, with your partner. This open exchange is not just about speaking, but equally about listening and really hearing what your partner shares with you.

• Try this: Try setting aside a few minutes each day to share your day’s experiences and feelings without distractions. For instance, you could establish a routine where you talk over coffee in the morning or unwind together before bed, ensuring both partners have the opportunity to speak and listen.

2. Show appreciation regularly

Life’s daily routines can sometimes overshadow the little gestures of love and support. Did your partner help out around the house or offer a kind word after a long day? Acknowledging these small acts of kindness can deepen your connection and remind both of you of the appreciation you share.

• Try this: Start a habit of writing small notes of thanks for everyday things your partner does, placing them where they’ll find them unexpectedly.

3. Tackle conflicts with a team spirit

View your relationship as a team effort. Conflicts, while challenging, are natural. Addressing them together, as allies, can prevent misunderstandings from growing. Approach these situations with a mindset of finding solutions together, rather than assigning blame.

• Try this: When a conflict arises, use “we” statements instead of “you” to keep the conversation non-confrontational and solution-focused.

4. Set realistic expectations

It’s quite common to look to our partners to fulfill all our needs, but it’s important to remember that they are human just like us, with their own strengths and limitations. Recognizing and accepting these realities can help alleviate unnecessary pressure and foster a more understanding atmosphere.

• Try this: Create a shared vision board of your relationship goals and individual aspirations to align expectations and foster mutual understanding.

5. Find the right balance between dependence and independence

Supporting each other is wonderful, but it’s also important to maintain your individual identities. Investing time in personal interests can enrich your own life and by extension, your shared life as a couple. This healthy balance promotes mutual respect and growth.

• Try this: Plan regular solo activities for personal growth and share your experiences with each other to maintain a healthy connection.

To learn whether you are in a codependent relationship, look out for the signs mentioned in this video:

6. Build and rebuild trust

Trust is fundamental in any meaningful relationship. If you feel trust waning, it’s crucial to address these feelings openly. Maintaining honesty and transparency can strengthen your trust in each other and fortify the foundation of your marriage.

• Try this: Establish a ritual of weekly check-ins where you discuss parts of your relationship that are going well and areas that need trust reinforcement.

7. Keep the spark alive

Intimacy is multifaceted—embracing both physical and emotional elements. Small gestures of affection and prioritizing quality time together can keep the emotional connection vibrant and strong.

• Try this:  Introduce a monthly ‘surprise date’ where each alternates to plan something special, keeping mystery and excitement alive.

8. Make your relationship a priority

Despite the busyness of life, it’s vital to actively prioritize your relationship. Whether it’s scheduling regular date nights or setting aside moments to simply be together, these efforts can significantly reinforce your bond.

• Try this: Implement a ‘no tech’ rule during meals or specific times of the day to ensure undistracted attention to each other.

9. Seek help when needed

At times, the challenges you face together might feel daunting. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek guidance from a counselor or therapist. Getting professional support can provide valuable insights and tools to help navigate through tough times, showing a deep commitment to nurturing your relationship.

• Try this:  Bookmark a list of reputable relationship therapists or counseling services, and agree to consider them not as a last resort, but as a supportive resource for maintaining a healthy marriage.

By embracing these approaches, you can create a supportive and loving environment that encourages both of you to grow and flourish together. This journey of mutual care and understanding can transform challenges into opportunities for strengthening your bond.

FAQs

Knowing about the actions that can negatively impact a marriage gives us the chance to proceed with the right attitude in a relationship. Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can help you understand these negative actions better: 

• What are some common behaviors that can negatively impact a marriage?

Common behaviors that negatively impact a marriage include poor communication, lack of appreciation, constant criticism, dishonesty, and neglecting quality time together. These actions can erode trust, create resentment, and reduce the emotional intimacy that is crucial for a healthy relationship.

• Why is constant criticism harmful in a marriage?

Constant criticism can be harmful in a marriage because it can lead to diminished self-esteem, increased resentment, and emotional withdrawal. When one partner consistently feels judged or inadequate, it disrupts the foundation of support and acceptance that is vital for a loving and secure relationship.

• How can failing to appreciate a partner impact a marriage?

Failing to appreciate a partner can significantly impact a marriage by creating feelings of being undervalued and unloved. Over time, this lack of recognition can lead to disconnection and dissatisfaction, as the unappreciated partner may feel their efforts are unseen and unimportant, weakening the bond between them.

Final thoughts

In a marriage, recognizing and modifying destructive behaviors is like weeding a garden. It’s not about punishment, but about creating a space where both your love and your partner’s love can bloom. Sometimes those weeds can be stubborn, and that’s okay. There’s no shame in seeking professional help – it’s just another tool in your toolbox. 

Remember, every conversation, every apology, every effort to understand each other is a seed you’re planting for a stronger, more vibrant relationship. This growth journey isn’t about surviving, it’s about creating a love that thrives, a love that continues to surprise and delight you both for years to come.

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Kaida Hollister Author

Kaida Hollister is a passionate relationship writer, renowned for her ability to shed light on the intricacies of love and human connection. With a deep understanding of psychology and personal growth, she has become known for her... Read more insightful and engaging writing on these subjects. When she’s not busy crafting thought-provoking articles, Kaida can often be found pursuing her love of dance. She is also an avid foodie and enjoys exploring new flavors and cuisines. With a curious and open-minded approach to life, Kaida is committed to helping readers deepen their understanding of themselves and their relationships. Read less

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When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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