7 Mistakes You Are Doing Unconsciously to Push Him Away
Either it is a new relationship or a friendship, the beginning feels like the entrance to heaven.
As time goes on, like within a week or so, that exact heaven feels like hell. And you fail to decide the right course of action – what to do and what not to do.
At one side, you think of getting rid of him, feeling like you had enough and it’s time to end the whole thing. On the other hand, as soon as he calls, all your getting-rid-of-it-thinking flushes down the drain, and you talk like nothing ever happened.
This is because you do not want to appear weak. But deep down, it does affect you, and you are helpless to do anything. And, it’s not a onetime thing. Instead, you discover a repeated pattern – a non-ending cycle whenever you fall in love.
But, from now on, you won’t get caught in emotional chaos anymore. There are seven reasons why you always screw-up at relationships even after doing each right thing. These are the same reasons responsible for pushing your crush away from you.
Here’s the list of mistakes you often make unconsciously to push him away –
1. You start working on his opinions
How many people are there in your life who keep giving you suggestions? Of course, they are doing it for your welfare, but you know well what’s good and what’s not. So, you pick what’s right for you and discard the others. And that keeps your relationships just fine.
But, when it comes to die-hard crush, there is neither right nor wrong. Your heart keeps following your crush’s suggestions because you want to impress them and that is exactly where you are wrong.
Personal example –
One of my best friends keeps suggesting to me what to wear. And I do follow him. But as I have noticed, whenever I wear what he wants, he neither pays attention to me nor compliments my looks. It doesn’t affect me much because he is just a friend. But, for the sake of my research, I do like to conduct experiments.
So, one day I wore clothes that looked best on my body and something I enjoyed wearing. As soon as I met him, he was like wow, you look hot today. Ooh la la, there I got my answer.
From that day, I made a note of doing what I want and what suits best on my body instead of walking on others opinions, even if he is someone I love.
“The more you follow others, the more you lose your own identity. So stop getting in the trap of impressing others and be your true self.”
The simple reason behind this is others don’t know you, the way you know yourself, since years.
2. You give too much, and you are happy with too little in return
Personal example –
One day, my friend was complaining about someone she had a crush on. She and her crush are childhood friends. During the last two years, they got close with each other as they were both alone in their lives. Her problems started from there on. She always complains about how they were going out frequently before all it started. And now, all she hears from him is – I am too busy.
Still, she is proud of him because he calls once in a week to check out how she is doing.
How should I tell her that he is calling you once in a week to make sure that you don’t go anywhere, no matter how much he avoids you. Or worst, take you for granted.
Here’s how it works. Let’s say I earn $100 within 1 hour, and it quickly covers my expenses for a week. What’s the need to earn more? Same goes in a relationship. When he catches you being satisfied with so little, he thinks like what’s the need to offer more?
Generally, it happens in the case when he is sure that you are free all the time and don’t go out much which makes him think that you are available for him. We are going to discuss it soon.
3. You don’t have your own life
Personal example –
It has been a year since I am at home or let’s say jobless. I used to cancel some plans made by friends and my crush, to take care of my responsibilities at my job. I was going to the gym regularly as well and wasn’t ready to cancel it for anyone. And they were making those plans as per my schedule and their too. What an excellent way to keep relationships in rhythm.
Trust me, in those days, I was receiving great respect from my friends as well as my crush.
Now, since I am at home, I can feel that respect doesn’t exist anymore. Not because I left the job, but because I stopped living my life. I ended going to the gym, library, or other public places. As soon as, I realized this, I decided to get back on track. I started working out, picked up my writing habit, and other activities.
All these are a combination of what’s necessary for my life. But this wasn’t enough to get my respect back. There is more.
4. You cancel your plans to be with him
Personal example –
I was always said “Yes” to plans, timings, and selected days made by my friends. I was quick to cancel all my plans just to spend some time with friends and my crush. This behavior dragged me to the taken-for-granted zone. After a few months of non-respect, things started making sense to me.
From that moment onwards, I learned to say “No” to my friends and be committed to my plans. For e.g. I never cancel my gym just to be with anyone. Also, I put fix hours for my writing, determined enough not to look anywhere else.
To make sure I am not making a mistake. I recently performed the same thing on my best friend. Not forcefully, but the right moment just arrived. He wanted to meet me on Saturday, and I told him I am busy till Sunday because my mom needs me. I explained the genuine reason. On Sunday night, I received a message from him telling me how much he is missing me.
Something came out of the blue for me. If someone wants to go out with me, we together decide to meet on a decided day based on mutual convenience.
Note: Don’t use this technique to manipulate someone as it will just backfire. Do it when there is a genuine reason.
5. Forget about your boundaries
Personal example –
This is something every dating adviser suggests, but I never bothered to read what does it actually mean. I just assumed it might be similar to setting boundaries like I won’t have sex until he says “I love you”, etc. But as I was already struggling with relationships, I thought lets read about it and have a clear idea of what is it.
Turns out that having boundaries is not about deciding not to have sex, it’s about telling others clearly what you won’t accept.
I know when it comes to our crush we are just ready to drop our boundaries because all our focus is behind getting him like us. But the results will be the opposite. When you don’t have boundaries, nobody is going to care about what you want or what not. He will keep shooting at you with whatever he likes. And you keep facing anxiety or stress because you are not ready to lose him at the cost of your standards.
That will make things worse.
So, don’t bother about something he did that you didn’t like. Gather the courage to tell him clearly but politely. And if he continues to do the same, stop dating him.
“If he can’t respect your boundaries, stop respecting him.”
6. You just can’t let it go
Personal example –
Once upon a time, I had a crush on a handsome guy. I did everything to make him attracted to me. Eventually, he became my friend. We decided to meet outside, but it never happened. Each time he was making excuses to cancel the plans. And he was not apologetic about it at all.
Instead of taking it as a cue that he just doesn’t want to go out with me, I still tried. Later, I came to know that he is already engaged.
See, the problem was there in him, not in me. What if I had let him go? I must have avoided all the unnecessary anxiety. And instead of focusing on him, I must have focused on enjoying my own life.
Recently, something similar happened again, and I let it go. I put my focus on my life while getting many “Sorry” calls from him.
7. You are judging his each move
“What does that mean? Just a “Hi”? Are you serious? Why did he cancel that plan? Maybe he is not into me? He calls me every week, why didn’t he call this week? Why does it happen to me all the time? Maybe there is some problem with me?”
Seriously, just shut that loud thinking and ask yourself, what would be your response, if anyone of your family members doesn’t call you for a long time? Will, you wreck-havoc the same way?
Not at all.
What would you do is make a call to find out whether everything is fine or not? And you will get your answer. No judging, no analyzing and your relationship is fine.
Same goes with your crush or boyfriend. If something is not happening doesn’t mean something is wrong. It can also mean that there must be some change in his schedule.
Why not just call, ask and be done with it?
Just remember not to over think about him and center your life around him. If thoughts are coming, let them come, but don’t forget to live your life.
Surround yourself with things that you like to do and don’t cancel your plans unless there is an emergency. And most important, don’t bother by something you didn’t like, just say it clearly.
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