When two people or a married couple are spending too much time alone, they can lose track of a sense of balance and personal lives, which can become dangerous. This can put both people having to take the necessary steps to save a marriage.
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So, what to do to save a marriage?
As we adjust to the new normal in which we stay at home and refrain from having huge gatherings, a lot of couples are adapting to working from home. They are feeling overwhelmed, not having enough space, adopting new habits of hygiene, and homeschooling the kids apart from having limited resources.
In order to provide you some relief, we have listed some of the best ways to save a marriage before it can end up with divorce. Let’s learn how to improve your relationship and avoid marriage failure.
Understanding the concerns of your spouse is very important for a couple to start doing a win-win salsa or waltz. What you want is to reach a solution for how to save a broken marriage that can please both sides. There shouldn’t be any aiming in order to get a favor.
Aim for making you and your spouse comfortable with a specific plan of action.
2. List down the issues that you are feeling very hopeless about
Anger doesn’t mean that it is time to fight. Feeling helpless doesn’t mean you are to give up entirely on saving the marriage and getting a divorce. Feeling helpless and hopeless or even anger is only an indication that there is an issue, and there is a bump on the path to a happy life.
So, how to save a marriage on the brink of divorce?
It is essential to ask yourself this question: What am I feeling hopeless or angry about?
Write all the problems that you have argued with your partner or have already given up on. Make sure that your list includes the concerns of your wife or husband as well. Of course, also write the ones that are frustrating and irritating you.
3. Put the focus on yourself instead of on your partner
Notice that as you feel angry or frustrated, your focus is on your spouse or on what they did not do that you told them to do, which has frustrated you. Take it a bit further and shift the focus. Instead of focusing on your spouse, redirect it inward, and try to assess your desires and concerns.
Circle back to the list that you have created, asking yourself, what do I actually want with regards to the problem, or maybe what is my issue?
Make sure that you are not writing what you think your partner should be doing differently. In such a case, you haven’t shifted your focus yet. Most especially if you have written down, ‘I want them to…” Only list the phrases that are starting with, “What I want is to…”
To give you an example, putting down: ‘I want my partner to stop being messy and for them to clean up’ is only focused on your wife or husband. You are focusing on yourself if you are writing, ‘I want to be able to come up with a solution to make spaces where I can spend time and be peaceful like the living room and kitchen where it is neat and orderly.’
Attempts in changing your spouse can only invite argumentation and defensiveness. The strategy will certainly get you nowhere. If you have tried it before, then you know this for a fact.
Use your energy instead on figuring out the things that you actually want, as well as what you yourself can do differently in order to get what you want. This is becoming self-centered in the context that’s positive.
When couples look at themselves and think of what they can do differently to save a marriage, they’re able to make progress on how to avoid divorce.
4. Don’t say negative things to each other.
You may know very well that negative things which couples give to each other are unhelpful even from the view of other people. A negative comment that is given to another person can only taint a relationship that would have been positive.
To save a marriage, it is essential to have no anger, digs, sarcasm, blame, criticism, and any snide remarks. Anger escalations and raised voices are a no-go zone also. Make sure that you are always calm and composed.
In the video below, Dr. Christian Conte with Kristen Conte provide anger management tips for relationships. They start by advising that memory isn’t perfect. Your recollection of something could be wrong. Listen further below:
You can exit a disagreement early, and as soon as things are starting to get heated. Just remain calm, so when you’re re-engaging, you’re only talking calmly, and you are cooperative.
A marriage can survive if the good-bad interactions ration is one for negative and five for positive. However, do you want to survive? Maybe thriving is better. What do you think? If you want your marriage to succeed, then aim for a million to 0.5 ration. This means don’t sling mud.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Obada Jamal Eldeen Hasan is the top Family Affairs Consultant of HHS Lawyers with over 20+ years of practice. He is passionate regarding family law matters, believing in client-centered solutions to guide couples and families through legal processes in the UAE.