Waiting until marriage to have sex seems to fallen out of favor in today’s climate of open sexuality, desires, and sex-centered dating relationships. Indeed, those who wait are in a small minority: 89.1% of women are sexually active prior to getting married, leaving only 10% of the female population non-sexually active when they arrive at the altar. “Virgin” and “Chaste” sound like words from the 1950s, except when they are used by certain religions who continue to value those states.
Let us pull back from current values, those that tell us that we should be having sex before marriage so we can “see what we are getting”, and look at some of the distinct advantages of waiting to say “I do” before becoming physically intimate with our partner.
When couples wait, they up their emotional intimacy level
Lovemaking is a form of communication, certainly. And in our contemporary society, it appears to be an accepted part of dating, even early on in a dating relationship. But when a relationship becomes too focused on the physical aspect, which happens because sexual pleasure becomes a goal, what often takes a backseat is learning other ways of connecting with one’s partner.
People who wait until marriage see that their emotional and intellectual bond is more developed early on in the relationship without the temptation of sex.
Their dates are spent talking, sharing, and building another kind of intimacy that, once married and sexually active, makes the physical intimacy all the greater and more satisfying. They truly know the person they are making love to, as they have had ample time to create a strong emotional connection with them.
If you want your partner to also be your BFF, wait to have sex
Without the sexual element in your pre-marital relationship, you have time to develop a rich, full and meaningful friendship with your future spouse.
Like it or not, sexual intimacy can serve as a distraction and become a central focus for your dating activity.
You may end up spending more time horizontal than vertical and have less opportunity for those long, deep conversations that help in building an authentic and pure friendship.
Your relationship with your future in-laws is better
Even in these modern times, your future in-laws may have some unpleasant reactions when they know their child, even one who is technically an adult, is sexually active. Saving sex until marriage frees you from this, and you can spend time with your financé’s parents without feeling guilty or having to hide things from them.
Your moments together will be free of any dark looks or unpleasant questions from them.
Holding off sexual intimacy until marriage liberates you from having to sneak around, or come up with excuses about where you were and what you were doing. You can enjoy your future in-laws with a clear conscience.
You never have to worry about pregnancy or STDs
Because you and your partner have agreed to wait until the wedding to sleep together, you don’t have to concern yourself with birth control (or the possible failure of it), pregnancy tests, sexually transmitted diseases and any tests for those, and a variety of other unwanted issues that pre-marital sexual activity brings.
Post-marital sex is a beautiful learning process
Couples who wait until marriage to have sex do admit to a certain amount of fumbling and awkwardness when they finally get to do the deed.
But because they learn each other’s bodies in a context that they have made a conscious choice to honor, any discomfort, sense of embarrassment or even ignorance about what goes where is not a deal-breaker.
The learning curve to each other’s bodies and pleasure is a lovely one, and they follow it in the safety and safe haven of their marital relationship. So what if the first time isn’t a trip to paradise? They have all their lives to figure this out…and it usually only takes a few tries to get the hang of it.
What some women had to say about waiting until marriage:
“All too often, today’s couples jump into a sexually-intimate relationship without hesitation. But when it comes down to what type of relationship you are wanting in the end, I wanted to make sure my husband loved all of me, my quirks, habits, everything, etc.
I think that if you date someone long enough to get to know the real you, that just maybe it could possibly lengthen if not preserve the relationship forever. Most everyone will grow to love sex, you don’t need to “try the guy out” before deciding to marry him. Make sure you find the right person and whatever his lovemaking style, it will be the right one.” –Rebecca, 23.
“Yes, I did wait for marriage before having sex with my husband. For me it was very important to keep my virginity for the man I loved with all my heart, and to have sex on my wedding night for the first time was a bonus. It was an honor to offer him my virginity. I got married at age 23. Proud to have kept my virginity for marriage. It was my deliberate, intentional choice.” –Christina, 25.
“Sex is a learning journey for everyone, and if you both approach it as virgins, it’s even more special because you’re learning together! For me, sex is also NOT the basis of a good marriage, though it’s a wonderful benefit.” –Carmen, 27.