Signs That a Rebound Relationship Is Not Healthy but Highly Toxic

What is a rebound relationship?

A common understanding of rebound relationship is when the person enters into a new one closely following the breakup of a previous relationship.  

It is commonly thought to be a reaction to the breakup, and not a true, free-forming relationship based on emotional availability.  

However, there are rebound relationships that turn out to be stable, strong, and long-lasting.  It is important to be able to recognize why you are entering a rebound relationship so that you can make sure you don’t end up hurting yourself or the other person.

If your relationship has just ended, and you are tempted to rebound, you might want to ask yourself what you are looking for in this rebound relationship.

Rebound relationship signs that suggest it’s unhealthy

Whether you are curious about signs your ex is in a rebound relationship or are contemplating the option of starting a rebound relationship after divorce or a nasty breakup, it is good to know these warning signs of an unhealthy rebound relationship.

Signs of a rebound relationship

• You rush into a relationship without an emotional connection.
• You fall hard and fast for a potential partner.
• You are still holding on to phone numbers, wallpapers, and other memorabilia from previous relationships.
• You seek a new partner who is likely to put more effort into the relationship.
• You reach out when sad and retreat to your own world when happy, out of emotional convenience.

Also, here are some questions to help you understand if a rebound relationship is a healthy move for you.

• Are you doing this to make yourself feel like you are attractive and that your former partner was wrong to let you go?  Are you using the new person to help you forget your old partner?
• Are you rebounding to hurt your ex?  Are you using social media to make sure they see you happy with this new person?  Are you deliberately putting up photo after photo of you and them, arms around each other, locked in a kiss, out partying all the time?  Are you using this new relationship as revenge against your ex?

Are you not truly invested in the new partner?  Are you using them to fill an empty space left by your previous partner?  Is it just about sex, or warding off loneliness?  Do you use your new partner as a way to soothe your heart hurt, instead of addressing that hurt yourself?  It is neither healthy nor fair to use someone, to overcome the pain of the break-up.

How long do rebound relationships last

Talking of rebound relationship success rate, most of these last few weeks to a few months. However, not all are doomed to end, but it depends on many factors such as the emotional availability of both partners, attractiveness, and similarity that bonds them.

In an unhealthy rebound relationship, there is disposing of toxic residual emotions like anxiety, despair, and grief from the previous relationships onto the new one before the natural healing is done post the break-up.

Since the individual seeking a rebound relationship has not dealt with the bitterness and emotional baggage, they can bring a lot of resentment and instability in the new relationship.

That’s why the average length of rebound relationships is not beyond the first few months.

On average, 90% of rebound relationships fail within the first three months, if we talk about the rebound relationship time frame.

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Rebound relationship stages

The rebound relationship timeline usually comprises of four stages.

• Stage 1: It starts with finding someone who is radically different from your previous love interest. It can be a very toxic situation, as you are constantly under pressure to look for someone who is the exact opposite of the previous partner. In your head, you tell yourself the story of a happy relationship with someone who has no similar qualities to your ex and is therefore perfect.
• Stage 2: In this stage, you are in a state of blissful denial that there is any likelihood of relationship problems since you have carefully handpicked a partner who is totally opposite of the previous one. But this honeymoon phase does not last long, as, in the course of time, you start testing your new love interest with a mental checklist, dreadful of any similarities. You start putting your unsuspecting partner to test.
• Stage 3: At this stage relationship problems and your partner’s quirks start irking you, but sadly you keep them bottled up, holding on to the relationship for dear life. You don’t want to be alone, so instead of having open and honest communication, you resort to turning a blind eye to them, albeit with great effort. 
• Stage 4: The final stage, of a rebound marriage or relationship, entails tipping over the edge. You realize that you brought the issues of your past relationship in this one, and inadvertently, made this person a rebound. Unfortunately, the undeserving rebound partner also realizes that they were a conduit for you to properly end your previous relationship.

If you have found closure and insights into the real reasons why things hit a dead end with the previous partner, you may have some hope left to start afresh in this relationship without the rebound. 

And, if you’re sincere about making an effort to be more open and communicative, they might be willing to try again as a real couple. 

On the other hand, if they call it quits with you, take some time for yourself to introspect. Don’t rush into finding the one who can measure up to your last love interest, look for someone who is in alignment with who you are and what you want.

So, does a rebound relationship last?

No one can answer this with certainty, although the likelihood is low. There are exceptions since the person rebounding can choose to date out of openness and a clear headspace.

If a person engages in rebound relationships to get back at an ex-partner or to distract themself from the grieving process, then these flings are likely to end unceremoniously.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less