Modern Marriage Trap: What to do About it

Marriage.com Editorial Team

Expertise: Relationship & Marriage Advice

The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice.

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Updated: 19 Apr, 2023

Financial hurdles often delay marriage, but couples can grow closer by openly planning finances, housing, and shared goals together.
Unequal pay and uneven chores strain couples; nurture a true partnership by honest conversations and shared responsibilities that honor both partners.
Having backup plans helps couples stay resilient when reality deviates from the dream, making commitment feel safer and closer.

There’s a lot of debate regarding the subject of marriage and how people perceive it nowadays. Is it still considered a respected institution? An obligation? Or something that we can now do without?

Psychologists conducted various studies on the subject and on associated topics while your regular Jane Doe is trying to find an answer to whether it’s best to marry or not anymore. And with all the buzz in the media, increased difficulties of living as a married couple and perpetual dilemmas at every corner, it is no wonder people choose live in relationships instead of matrimony.

Marriage today

Contrary to popular belief, it’s not a lack of respect for the institution of marriage or the many alternative today’s society has to offer that keeps people from taking the big step. People still want to get married, they still view it as a serious implication, yet they find it harder to so than before.

A lot less couples have made this decision than past generations, but the real question is why?

If people still intend to do so, yet are troubled in actually following through, it is clear than a lot is holding them back. Breaching the barriers of these fears and planning a counterattack is a must in dealing with the situation.

Financial difficulties

Financial challenges or its implications is the most common answer as to why couples postpone marriage or refuse it altogether. It turns out that most individuals want to be financially stable before going all the way with their life partners. Curiously enough this also relates to wanting to buy a house. When asked about accommodations, most graduates still live with their parents. College loans are the main reason for which they are forced to do so. And, since employment is not guaranteed after finishing higher studies, the situation can only worsen. It is quite understandable then, that most people don’t even take marriage in consideration or they simply can’t see it as a near future priority. As for couples who are already living together, marriage implies costs and added difficulties they could go without. After all, many already have credit together, a shared car or apartment and other more pressing financial issues are knocking on their doors.

Future expectations and challenges

Let’s not forget that future expectations and what we actually have to face in life has become an important deterrent for marriage. Although men are believed to be less interested than women, it appears that it is quite the opposite according to various studies. It also seems that women are more prone to choose divorce and to refuse to remarry once they’ve gone through a bad experience than men do. Still having to balance most of the work is one of the strongest reasons for this. And, although, most couples plan on sharing duties and try to divide chores equally, the rhythm and maintained prejudices of nowadays society somehow still create a glitch in all their careful planning.

Unfortunate as it might be and quite unbelievable at that, men and women are still not paid the same amount of money for the same job. And it’s way past the level of questioning whether the quality of work differs after so many studies that have already proven the opposite to be true. Yet, the phenomenon still persists. When the line is drawn and household chores have to be divided, men end up having many of the chores that are focused on their range of expertise anyway. For instance, he’ll end up being the one responsible for changing the car’s oil or tires while the woman will do the dishes. But the fact that periodical or daily effort differentiates the two is very often not taken into account. And, in the end, the amount of stress and energy is yet again unequally managed between the sexes and problems arise.

Having a plan A is not enough

Sometimes you might even need a plan C or D besides having a plan B in place. Perseverance, tenacity and hard work can all result in fruitless effort if one does not prepare for various situations.

It’s great that you plan on dividing chores and money equally and whatnot, but what happens when reality does not fit in the scheme any longer?

Since it’s already been established that it is quite hard for everything to go according to plan in nowadays society, having no alternative set in place is a very risky thing indeed. So instead of avoiding marriage altogether, plan it out strategically. Yes, it might seem unromantic and yes, it is nothing like we expected when we were young and made plans of sharing our lives with a special someone, but the world is what it is. And living and planning for reality, makes reality a bit less intimidating than it actually turns out to be.

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Marriage.com Editorial Team Relationship & Marriage Advice

The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts... Read more to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice. Read less