Should you stay friends with an Ex or not? The question of whether friendship between former spouses is possible is one that many people have argued about.
Some people believe that it is very possible to be friends with your ex and some believe that it isn’t. While some are of the belief that even if it is possible, such a friendship is unhealthy.
However, the truth is that the possibility of friendship after divorce is equal to the possibility of lack of friendship or just plain hostility between former spouses. It all depends on the events that happened before the divorce and during the divorce process.
Yet, there are couples in the US who have maintained friendly relationships with their ex-spouses.
There are events that occurred before and during the divorce process which are considered the most effectual contributors to the possibility of friendship between former spouses.
So, is it OK to be friends with your Ex? Let’s check out the following factors one at a time.
Related Reading: Why It’s so Hard to Remain Friends with an Ex
Factors affecting the possibility of friendship between former spouses
1. The reason for the divorce
There are many reasons why couples get divorced and many of these reasons are related to incompatibility or conflict between spouses.
In an instance where there was domestic violence or sexual infidelity involved as the cause of a divorce, the chances of friendship after marriage are low. On the other hand, if the spouses were always arguing or fighting during their marriage, then the chances of friendship after marriage are also very low.
In a situation, where both couples were able to decide that they both married each other for the wrong reasons such as a girlfriend getting pregnant and they’re ready to go their separate ways amicably, there is a high possibility for a divorce in the near future.
The best essay writing service can write an entire essay on the many complicated reasons why married couples get divorced.
However, the reason for their divorce is a large contributor to whether the couples can enjoy friendship after their divorce or not.
Can divorced couples be friends? Yes, it is possible to have a healthy friendship with an ex, especially when there is a child involved in the partnership.
This is another factor that determines whether couples remain friends after divorce, or not. If former spouses have children, there is a high possibility of friendship after the divorce because both spouses have to act amicably in the presence of their child or children.
Everyone knows how divorce can affect children negatively and psychologically. Good parents would try to minimize the negative effects of their divorce on their children by being friends.
3. The type of relationship you enjoyed before and during your marriage
Imagine best friends that got married, but later decided that for whatever reason, they are not compatible enough to be a couple.
In this kind of situation, the odds are that the former spouses will still remain friends after their divorce. But couples that had a marriage wrought with conflict, are less likely to remain friends after marriage.
4. Sharing wealth and property in the legal divorce process
One of the things that cause dispute between formerly married couples after divorce is the sharing of property and funds.
Many times, either spouse wants to get as much as he or she can get from the marriage in order to start a new life. There are also instances where the wealthier spouse is usually unwilling to part with their money.
In fact, there are many different possible scenarios concerning the sharing of wealth and properties when couples are getting a divorce. Most times, when there is a complicated court case over sharing wealth and properties, the possibility of friendship after marriage is very low.
Friendship between former spouses also depends greatly on the resentments that exists between former spouses during their marriage and divorce.
If there are a lot of unsettled resentments on both sides and there is no reconciliation or apologies made to get rid of these resentments piled up from marriage or divorce, there is a low possibility of friendship existing between former spouses.
6. Court case or the divorce process
Most times, if a divorce occurs with a court case, then the possibility of friendship is very low.
This is because, the court case could only have occurred because the couples refused to settle something between themselves and decided to face each other in court to settle it. And since court cases can only favor one person, there is usually a disgruntled party after the court case.
7. Child custody
Child custody is also another factor that can decide whether friendship is possible between former spouses.
Partners who had to go to court to settle the issue of child custody are less likely to be friends. This is because even when they sat down to agree on child custody, before taking the issue to court, they were not able to come to an amicable agreement.
How to make friendship between former spouses possible
Friendship between former spouses is possible.
However, there are a number of things that former spouses would have to do to become friends after a divorce.
1. Take the decision to be friends
Even if there is a lot of bad blood between you and your former spouse from the events of your marriage and divorce, if you want to achieve friendship, you need to make peace with each other.
It may seem impossible because of the anger, resentment, and sadness of losing your marriage, but with determination and an open mind, you can become a very good friend of your ex.
But the first step is to decide to make peace with each other and decide to be friends even if you weren’t friends before. Of course, the legal divorce process has probably pitted you against each other, making you almost enemies.
But if both of you decide that for whatever reason, you want to remain friends, it is possible.
2. Make peace with each other
In order to make peace with your former spouse, you need to first make peace with yourself.
Examine yourself, what do you feel ashamed of? What do you blame yourself for and what do you blame your spouse for? After you’ve identified these things, you can reach out to your ex and iron out the issues between you.
3. Forgive and try to forget
Nothing will come out of just complaining or talking about your differences and your issues with your spouse if both of you are unwilling to listen to each other and compromise.
You don’t need a lab report writer to tell you where you were at fault and where you weren’t. As adults, you should both be able to know what you did or didn’t do wrong, then take steps towards forgiving and forgetting.
4. Be friendly
Friendship doesn’t happen overnight, just like custom writing cannot be done in an hour.
If you want to start a healthy friendship with your ex, you need to start by being friendly. Make your interactions light and friendly. Since you’ve identified your differences and resolved your problems, being friendly with each other should be effortless.
In fact, some divorced couples become very close friends because of the freedom of being out of the marital bond which had put a strain on their relationship before.
Divorce is never easy, but friendship is possible
Divorce is never easy, whether the divorce was amicable or not. But friendship between former spouses is possible.
The road towards friendship after divorce can only start after you have forgiven each other and identified your differences. If you can successfully give up your resentment and hatred, you and your ex can enjoy a new life as friends and create new and better relationships with other people.