4 Great Tips for Having Difficult Discussions to Help Your Marriage

Having difficult conversations with your spouse is the Achilles heel for many relationships. Often, poor communication with spouse is the cause of that problem.

Lack of communication or not knowing how to communicate with your spouse, over a period of time can cause discontentment, disappointment, and perhaps regret and anger that could eventually be fatal for your marriage. Not to mention the turmoil that your relationship could potentially go through before things fall apart.

When going gets tough, the negative emotions in a marriage tends to fester and eventually escalate because you did not know how to have a difficult conversation or how to communicate better with your spouse.

The strength of the foundation of any marriage relies heavily on a couples ability to resolve communication issues in marriage. Any marriage can be saved if a couple is willing to improve how they communicate during the hard times in marriage.

Even though, there are many things that couples are really good at discussing, there always are things that you won’t feel comfortable communicating with your spouse.

However, it is absolutely imperative that no matter how hard it might be you should make a conscious attempt to discuss difficult issues in your marriage.

So if you find yourself asking yourself how to have difficult conversations with my wife? or how to talk to my husband without fighting? Then, here are four great tips on how to have a difficult conversation with your spouse:

Tip 1

Cooling off after having a heated conservation or argument with you spouse can help you find some new insights, however if a couple constantly engages in this practice as a way of putting of a difficult conversation then there is a huge risk of their issues never getting resolved.

The extent to which the conversation might go badly is very much determined by your approach towards it. So don’t have a pre-conceived notion about having difficult conversations with your spouse.

Avoiding having difficult conversations with your spouse only makes the problem more intense and makes it even harder to resolve in the future.

Tip 2

Before having difficult conversations with your spouse make sure that you know what is the issue that you want discuss. Mentally prepare yourself for the conversation and know that at times you and your spouse may get defensive and emotional.

Address the issue in a non confrontational manner and make sure that you keep your statements simple and direct.

Tip 3

Discuss a time and place for having difficult conversations with your spouse and adhere to that timeline. Do not try to blindside your spouse, instead give them ample time to gather their thoughts so that they can prepare themselves for the conversation as well.

Tip 4

Finally and most importantly show respect when having difficult conversations with your spouse. Do not interrupt them when they are talking and acknowledge their inputs through verbal and non-verbal gestures.

Try to reach an agreement or establish a compromise and if nothing else works be open to seek help from a professional.

Once you have understood how to initiate and address the issues in your marriage by having difficult conversations with your spouse. You can now start addressing some essential aspects of your married life with each other.

Not only would this help you in improving communication with spouse but also aid to have difficult relationship conversations with your partner. Here are two very crucial issues that need to be discussed that many couples fail to address.

The future

When you get married or when you commit to a relationship, you also commit to a future that you both will share. Everyone has certain personal goals or aspirations. These may match your partner’s or they may be polar opposites.

You may have committed to a relationship knowing or not knowing your partner’s goals. But once you are in the relationship, discussing the future is very important.

It can be tricky because one’s interests or objectives may be in conflict with the other, and it is quite possible that the mutually shared future may be at stake. Openly talking about these issues can lead to solution.

You also must remember that being overly obsessed with the future often costs a relationship, as you fail to focus on the present. You need to live today just as much as you prepare for tomorrow, if not more.

Have this difficult conversation with your spouse: how much do our goals for the future overlap? Have they changed since we got married? What can we do together to improve this situation?

The past

Everyone has a past. Some pasts are pleasant and some are painful. Some people are open books while others are mysterious. When you are in a relationship, you must be able to talk about your past.

It could be about anything. Do not try to talk about your entire past, especially the unpleasant experiences, in just one discussion. That would be too much for one conversation.

Speak about the past over a period of time until the point when you have nothing more to share with your spouse. This is crucial because you are affected, at a subconscious level, by everything that has left a mark in your memory.

You may not realize it, but your past experiences can impact your current relationship. Your partner may not understand why you would do something, say something or act and react in certain ways.

Have this difficult conversation with your spouse: what past experiences are unconsciously shaping the way we behave today? What can we do together to improve this situation?

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Debbie McFadden Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor

I like and I believe in people. I have been helping individuals and couples get their lives back on track for 4 decades.  You can read more about me on my website.  I do most of my work now through telephone and live video conferencing.  This allows me to work with just... Read more about anyone almost anywhere in the world.  If you have a phone or an internet connection, I can work with you and we can begin to turn your situation around.  Feel free to email or call me to see if we are a good fit and to learn more about how I can help. Read less

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When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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