A stereotype that leads many to believe that arranged marriages are always without love. They are either forced or are some sort of pact made for growing business and upholding familial prestige.
While all this might be true to some extent, it has also been dramatized to a superficial level. In movies, books, and dramas, the female protagonist is married off against her will in an arranged marriage. Her husband is shown to be uncaring, and her mother-in-law is a terrible person in general.
In popular belief (which has also been framed by the history of arranged marriages and a lot of fairy tales, books, movies, and dramas), it is practically unthinkable to marry someone you are not already in love with. To many people, marrying someone you haven’t chosen for yourself is entirely out of the question.
However, it is not always that bad. A lot of times, the real nature and intentions of arranged marriages are masked. To find out more, let’s dig deeper into arranged marriages.
What is an arranged marriage?
An arranged marriage definition is basically when a third party decides on who you are going to marry. The tradition of arranged marriages or pre-arranged marriages has come a long way and is now not practiced as much as it was in the past. However, in many Southeast Asian countries, the practice of arranged marriages still exist.
Often the person who decides or looks for someone eligible for marriage will be an elder, for example, the parents or someone of similar standing. This is a more traditional way. The other way is to get a matchmaker involved. Taking into consideration the technological developments of this century, the matchmaker can be a human or an app.
Why is the arranged marriage seen in a negative light?
The reason for this is simple. Deciding to spend our whole life with someone you barely know is quite frightening. To confirm this fear, there have been many instances where arranged marriages have not really worked out. This has happened because, over time, the definition of arranged marriage has been warped.
In many societies, arranged marriages are like an ultimatum. The idea has become something along the lines of “You will marry who your parents choose; otherwise, you will bring disgrace to the whole family.”
Another reason that arranged marriages receives so much criticism is because they disregard an individual’s feelings.
Often parents will consider their children naive and too young to make important decisions. They act under the pretense of they know what is best for their children even though sometimes it may actually be the exact opposite.
They’re not all that bad
Although many people have very biased feelings toward arranged marriages, they are actually not all bad if done right. Many people live happily ever after, even in an arranged marriage. The key is to choose a proper partner. Sometimes it is not to take your parent’s or your elder’s advice.
Contrary to popular belief, even in an arranged marriage, you can get to know your partner beforehand. By no means do you have to say yes, blindly?
There is a whole procedure that leads up to courtship. Another stereotype that must be shattered is that you only fall in love before marriage.
This is not true. Even if you have weighed arranged marriage versus love marriage, in love marriage, you can still fall in love after marriage.
Advantages of arranged marriage
In many traditions, arranged marriages are given a sanction because of the arranged marriage success rate in the communities and various of the pros that it has. Let us look at why arranged marriages are better:
1. Lesser expectations
In arranged marriages, considering the partners don’t know each other, there are fewer expectations from each other. Most of the marital expectations develop in the long run as a part of the process.
2. Easier adjustments
Partners tend to adjust with each other better and compromise more because they have greater acceptance of their situations and conditions. This is because they did not pick their partner in the first place.
3. Lesser conflicts
One of the benefits of arranged marriage is that there are fewer chances of marital conflict because of better adjustments and acceptance from both parties.
4. Support from the family
The success of arranged marriages majorly depends on the fact that it gets support from the family. The members of the family are involved in the modern arranged marriage right from the start.
Do arranged marriages work?
In the video below, Ashvini Mashru describes how she took a step ahead and married a man her father chose. She sends out the message that you never know what can happen until you try. We all have the power to create the life we want, make the best of our lives, and achieve our dreams!
The key to your happily ever after is not in the fact that you married out of love or were part of an arranged marriage. No, the key to a successful and happy marriage is to decide to take it from there.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.