It’s not easy if either you or your spouse are experiencing a low sex drive. A lack of sex in a marriage can be a challenge in the first instance, but when you can’t make yourself feel any sexual desire even though you want to, it’s a tough situation. Not least because your spouse, if they don’t also have a low sex drive, is probably wondering what they can do to bring the intimacy back into the marriage.
In many situations, a low sex drive is caused by poor health, hormones, psychological issues such as depression or low esteem or even a poor diet. In other situations, a low sex drive might just be the by-product of a person who is avoiding sex with their spouse for some specific reason that they may or may not have admitted to themselves.
In either case, there are some strategies and tips below to help a spouse with a lower sex drive regain their ‘mojo.’
Tip 1: Adjust your priorities
We get it. If you don’t have a high sex drive, sex isn’t going to be a priority for you. So naturally improving your libido will probably be at the bottom of your list of things to prioritize. But if it’s at the bottom of your list, it isn’t going to get resolved.
If low libido isn’t resolved, then both you and your spouse miss out on a vital aspect of marriage and a natural activity that provides so many benefits to your health and esteem.
If you could make enhancing your sex drive, or focusing on understanding and facing the problem at hand a priority you might find yourself and your marriage in an entirely different place in the future – ideally for the better.
Tip 2: Think about why you don’t feel as sexually inspired
Sex drive can be an indicator of the state of you psychologically, your health or your marriage (amongst many other things).
The chances are that somewhere deep inside you might already know why you don’t feel sexually inspired.
Typical reasons why people might find themselves experiencing a lower sex drive are;
- You need to change your lifestyle
- Need to reignite the passion between you and your spouse
- Relationship issues
- You need to work on your health or emotional or mental wellbeing
- You may need to heal your past and learn how to be more intimate
- You may even need to face up to some hard truths about your life
When you make improving your sex drive a priority, this tip for spouses with a lower sex drive is the next logical step.
You are essentially identifying the problem which means that you can find solutions to the problem even if it means finding other resources or people to help such as doctors, counseling services, marital or sexual intimacy coaching.
In some cases, a lack of sex drive may be triggered by your spouse. Perhaps you are not so attracted to them anymore, or maybe you don’t feel that you come across as attractive to them. These are all issues that should be faced as you prioritize enhancing your sex drive and start to identify the reasons why you or your spouse has a lower sex drive.
Tip 3: Get checked out medically
If you haven’t already done so, it’s worth getting checked out medically so that you can identify any medical conditions that might be reducing your sex drive and as explained in tip number two, you can then look for solutions to the problem.
Tip 4: Adjust your diet
Whether your diet causes you to feel lethargic, unattractive (due to being too over or underweight) or just plain sluggish you might find that adjustments here can make a huge difference in increasing you or your spouse’s sex drive.
Tip 5: Improve your self-image
Sometimes we just don’t feel attractive, and then we don’t want to get intimate with our spouse. However, the very act of sex will trigger sex hormones that promote health, vitality and a sense of sexuality.
It’s a healthy circle!
If you can try to work on ways to improve how you see yourself, you’ll probably find that your sexual desire starts to return.
Tip 6: Look for things you find sexy in your spouse
Perhaps you are not inspired by your spouse anymore? If this is the case, remember what you used to find attractive about them and start to notice all of the little things that they do now that you admire, even if it’s just their sexy facial expressions.
It’s all too easy to pick holes in people you love and to find all of the things to criticize about them. But it’s not so natural to remain positive about the good parts of them, and there will be plenty.
Start to notice the better side of your spouse again, and you’ll find that they compound and might start to stir up a little heat inside of you.
Tip 7: Improve your sexual inspiration
It might seem a little strange but finding sexual inspiration is a great way to start to invoke more sexual desire. When we suggest finding sexual inspiration, we mean ideas such as;
- Noticing things that you find sexy about others
- Working on feeling sexier yourself
- Reading erotic fiction
- Playing sexy games
- Studying the Kama Sutra (with or without your spouse).
This inspiration will push the topic of sex, sexual activity to the forefront of your mind rather than to the bottom of the pile. And you’ll start to become intrigued or even interested in exploring a few sexual activities!
And finally, if none of the above can inspire you to start to prioritize your focus on improving your libido, then we have one final suggestion which is to consider the feelings of your spouse. If you want to be with them then surely they will appreciate that you are trying to improve your situation even if you haven’t found the answers yet, and if you come to the realization that you need to move on because you just don’t find them sexually attractive anymore isn’t it time to set them free?