Although we are meant to legally divorce, finalize days that we can see our children, and split holidays and birthdays, the CHILDREN should not become a commodity of our union.
But they do, they become pawns and players in a game they did not choose to enter. As parents, we have an obligation to protect our children and to make sure they grow up to be strong and well-adjusted adults.
Even in the worse situations (baring abuse of any kind), we should be able to do this.
We must love our children more than we hate our spouse.
If we can implement such a successful co-parenting approach, it is the first stage of healing for ourselves, our children and the future can be the best we can make it.
You don’t have to learn every successful co-parenting advice, but you must start somewhere.
2. Work as a team
Being the recipient of the end of a relationship is not easy; our egos get burned, our hearts get broken, and our lives end up being in turmoil. We have a difficult time knowing what comes next and how we fit into a different life, one that is foreign and unknown.
It is this that must make us do the best we can for our children; there is a role we have to play as a parent… we MUST do the best we can to make sure no child is caught in a TSUNAMI of hate and hurt.
So many children are in two-parent homes and must navigate not only the change in living arrangements but also adjust to the change in the parents’ behavior. That does not mean they leave behind the establishment of the divorcing family.
These behaviors need to include the ability to put the needs of the children first, work as a team for the benefit of the children, act in ways that unite the needs of the “new family,” act in a way that promotes a cooperative relationship, that excludes romance, intimacy, and common abode.
But does not follow the social norm of having to remove all of the relationships after a divorce. We no longer live in a society where divorce is the exception and not the norm.
4. Find better ways to interact with your ex.
With the growing number of divorces come, many lifestyle changes, and problems.
Children become more vulnerable, and the probability of getting into trouble grows.
The disruption divorce causes in the household often leave the children open to getting into trouble at school, experiencing stress-related illness, and may perpetuate divorce for themselves as adults.
The ability of couples to co-parent after divorce becomes a difficult process.
Many divorce or co-parenting books give rules that tell you how to behave, what not to say, and how to work together.
What these books do not take into consideration is that there must still be a connection with the structure of the family as it was.
School functions, Christmases, birthdays, extended family – all of these can be navigated in a healthy way by sharing the child with both parents, even when a new relationship has started.
Considerable research evidence now suggests it is not the divorce that is the most damaging for the children, but the process by which parents continue to interact after the divorce.
Also watch: 7 Most Common Reasons for Divorce
5. Reconcile your differences
One of the most difficult situations is when one or both partners enter a new relationship. What we have found is, in some cases, the arrangement works.
However, in so many relationships, there is the element of jealousy, fear, and a lack of trust. It is hopeful that a person works on themselves before they enter another relationship, but often that does not happen.
Although many want to be with someone rather than be alone, if the effort was on understanding yourself first, it would be better for the future of the children.
Relationships end for a reason, and it is important to fix that reason before moving on.
As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I work with individuals, couples, families, children, and adolescents. My areas of special focus are with couples and military personnel. My work includes working with borderline personality disorder (BPD), depression, anxiety, PTSD, and relationship challenges. I Read more work with many issues that affect the relationship between parents and the adolescent. The transition into young adulthood is never easy for either party, finding the balance for a good relationship often needs an outside voice.
I became a therapist and believe this is what I am meant to be. I have many success stories and take great joy in seeing my clients move on in life, and develop happiness and understanding in life. Therapy is a hard road, but a rewarding one when you realize how much more there is in life to enjoy. The relationship between the therapist and the client is the most important part of the journey, making that connection is the first step to healing, and being able to live a different life. I hope to be that person for you and look forward to meeting with you.
My education is in psychology from my bachelors to my doctorate. I have many years of working in diverse communities and with different culturally backgrounds. I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts from Vanguard Universityand received my Masters of Family Therapy from Azusa Pacific University, and my doctorate from Alliant International University. I have extensive postgraduate training in Integrated Behavioral Couples Therapy (IBCT) with the founder of the theory Dr. Andrew Christensen. I am certified in IBCT and also present to other clinicians on this theory. In addition, I hold couples workshops around the country. I am a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy and California Marriage and Family Therapy.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.