5 Successful Co-Parenting Strategies for Divorced Parents

For separated parents raising a child that wants to be the best parents, they can be after a divorce; there is a need to understand the role they both play in their children’s lives.

I believe successful co-parenting strategies make it possible to co-parent in a healthier way than what the establishment and society have set in place.

There are couples that will never be able to work together and will need to work on themselves before adapting to a successful co-parenting style.

The goal for all of us should be that children do not have to suffer because of the decisions we have made as an adult.

It is sad that we must have this conversation, but divorce is so much more common today, and the speed in which couples are reconnecting with another partner is staggering.

So, how to co-parent successfully? The article shares 5 successful co-parenting tips for divorced parents.

1. Protect your children

Although we are meant to legally divorce, finalize days that we can see our children, and split holidays and birthdays, the CHILDREN should not become a commodity of our union.

But they do, they become pawns and players in a game they did not choose to enter. As parents, we have an obligation to protect our children and to make sure they grow up to be strong and well-adjusted adults.

Even in the worse situations (baring abuse of any kind), we should be able to do this.

We must love our children more than we hate our spouse.

If we can implement such a successful co-parenting approach, it is the first stage of healing for ourselves, our children and the future can be the best we can make it.

You don’t have to learn every successful co-parenting advice, but you must start somewhere.

2. Work as a team

Being the recipient of the end of a relationship is not easy; our egos get burned, our hearts get broken, and our lives end up being in turmoil. We have a difficult time knowing what comes next and how we fit into a different life, one that is foreign and unknown.

It is this that must make us do the best we can for our children; there is a role we have to play as a parent… we MUST do the best we can to make sure no child is caught in a TSUNAMI of hate and hurt.

For successful co-parenting, parents today must be able to work as a team in different ways, different than the standard legal system says to, or the old way of co-parenting that we have used for a lifetime.

Parenting has to change in this new era of divorce.I call this “THE NEW FAMILY.”

3. Adapt new relationship behaviors

So many children are in two-parent homes and must navigate not only the change in living arrangements but also adjust to the change in the parents’ behavior. That does not mean they leave behind the establishment of the divorcing family.

When parents act out of anger and tensions rise, children of all ages are affected.

Parents lose sight of reason, balance, and understanding as they enter the arena of the divorcing world.

Sadly, too many are going there, and therefore we must have a new plan on how we learn successful co-parenting and how we deal with the pain of the end of a dream.

With the growing number of divorces today, couples now must learn and understand a new set of relationship behaviors.

These behaviors need to include the ability to put the needs of the children first, work as a team for the benefit of the children, act in ways that unite the needs of the “new family,” act in a way that promotes a cooperative relationship, that excludes romance, intimacy, and common abode.

But does not follow the social norm of having to remove all of the relationships after a divorce. We no longer live in a society where divorce is the exception and not the norm.

4. Find better ways to interact with your ex.

With the growing number of divorces come, many lifestyle changes, and problems.

Children become more vulnerable, and the probability of getting into trouble grows.

The disruption divorce causes in the household often leave the children open to getting into trouble at school, experiencing stress-related illness, and may perpetuate divorce for themselves as adults.

The ability of couples to co-parent after divorce becomes a difficult process.

Many divorce or co-parenting books give rules that tell you how to behave, what not to say, and how to work together.

What these books do not take into consideration is that there must still be a connection with the structure of the family as it was.

School functions, Christmases, birthdays, extended family – all of these can be navigated in a healthy way by sharing the child with both parents, even when a new relationship has started.

Considerable research evidence now suggests it is not the divorce that is the most damaging for the children, but the process by which parents continue to interact after the divorce.

Also watch: 7 Most Common Reasons for Divorce

5. Reconcile your differences

One of the most difficult situations is when one or both partners enter a new relationship. What we have found is, in some cases, the arrangement works.

However, in so many relationships, there is the element of jealousy, fear, and a lack of trust. It is hopeful that a person works on themselves before they enter another relationship, but often that does not happen.

Although many want to be with someone rather than be alone, if the effort was on understanding yourself first, it would be better for the future of the children.

Relationships end for a reason, and it is important to fix that reason before moving on.

First, you must reconcile with your spouse after the healing takes place.

Marriages that end because of abuse is NOT WHAT IS BEING ADVOCATED here. Individuals must take care of their safety and the safety of their children at all costs.

Although it seems like it can never happen, it can… when you have gone through the steps of understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness, you can try parenting in a new way, “The New Family.”

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Dorothy O’Neill Marriage & Family Therapist

As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I work with individuals, couples, families, children, and adolescents. My areas of special focus are with couples and military personnel.  My work includes working with borderline personality disorder (BPD), depression, anxiety, PTSD, and relationship challenges.... Read more  I work with many issues that affect the relationship between parents and the adolescent. The transition into young adulthood is never easy for either party, finding the balance for a good relationship often needs an outside voice.   I became a therapist and believe this is what I am meant to be. I have many success stories and take great joy in seeing my clients move on in life, and develop happiness and understanding in life. Therapy is a hard road, but a rewarding one when you realize how much more there is in life to enjoy. The relationship between the therapist and the client is the most important part of the journey, making that connection is the first step to healing, and being able to live a different life. I hope to be that person for you and look forward to meeting with you.   My education is in psychology from my bachelor’s to my doctorate. I have many years of working in diverse communities and with different culturally backgrounds. I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts from Vanguard University and received my Masters of Family Therapy from Azusa Pacific University, and my doctorate from Alliant International University. I have extensive postgraduate training in Integrated Behavioral Couples Therapy (IBCT) with the founder of the theory Dr. Andrew Christensen. I am certified in IBCT and also present to other clinicians on this theory. In addition, I hold couples workshops around the country.  I am a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy and California Marriage and Family Therapy. Read less

(Dorothy o’Neill is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Anaheim)

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