What does it mean to you to become a really great father in life? What are the ways to be a better dad?
Who do you look up to as a role model, that would designate this person as a “excellent father“?
Have you ever realized that the quality of fathers in our country has diminished greatly over the past 25 years?
For the past 30 years, number one best-selling author, counselor, master Life Coach and Minister David Essel has been helping men to become better fathers and women to start looking for the traits that some men have that would already say they would be a great father for their children.
Below, David shares his thoughts on what it takes to become a great father in our country today, and the four effective ways to be a better father.
I am very proud to say that I had a great father in life. He was connected to his wife and his children, he made time for us, yes he was strict but not overbearing and his desire was to have his children grow up with morals and ethics.
Today, I struggle to find many fathers that have these positive traits, or positive qualities.
Over the past 30 years, I’ve seen a decline in the number of men that even do a self-evaluation, regarding their father skills.
It almost seems like, that we’ve become more self-centered, less compassionate and empathetic towards others which our wives and our children pick up on immediately.
I know some men don’t even look at themselves as role models, they even tell me they don’t want to be a role model for their children or their wife which is probably one of the greatest cop outs in life.
If you have children, if you have a desire to make a difference in this world, you better damn believe that you are the most important role model that they might ever see until they leave your home.
So let’s take a look at the 4 most important keys to alter , change, or delete if you want to be the best father possible for your children and your partner.
4 steps to be a better father
It destroys so many opportunities for a man to become a real father.
If you drink on a regular basis, or you drink more than 2 to 3 drinks on a daily basis, you are not emotionally grounded for your children.
If you drink and it alters your existence in any way whatsoever, which it does for everyone, you are showing your children that you’re more interested in your addiction, then being present for them.
And I am not anti-alcohol, I am anti-alcoholic.
And what that means is, if you want to have a glass of wine with dinner, 4 ounces, enjoy yourself but stop there.
If you want to have a beer on a Saturday afternoon, enjoy yourself but stop there.
You can have a drink, that’s one drink, and still be emotionally connected for your children but more than that I can tell you from personal experience it doesn’t work.
I had the responsibility in 1980 to become a father figure to a young boy, and it was at that time that I was drinking on a regular basis. If you would’ve asked me if I was a good father figure for him I would’ve said “Hell yes! I am attentive, available, and I care about his future.“
The only truth in my last statement was that I did care about his future. But I wasn’t present.
No one is when they drink. And that’s a lesson I had to learn early on in life, so that the next several children I was able to raise, had a totally different father type figure to look up to.
I had to grow up and answer the question, how to be a good dad.
2. Become emotionally mature, versus emotionally immature
Now this is interesting. If you’d ask fathers today, just about all fathers would say that they’re emotionally mature. But that’s a big fat lie.
When you’re emotionally mature, you don’t get into arguments on social media, you don’t post demeaning tweets on Twitter, in other words you don’t follow the person who’s in the White House because the way he’s acting, that a lot of fathers act that way, is with extreme immaturity.
It’s called being a bully. It’s called being self-centered. It’s called being extremely immature.
If around the dinner table, or in the car, I don’t care if you’re talking to your wife or your best friend, if your kids are around and you’re making immature comments about other individuals, you are probably one of the worst role models they could ever have.
A real man, a real father would not subject his children to the nonsense that goes on with so many fathers in society today.
When I see men mimicking other adults who are tearing people down verbally and or on social media, I just have to shake my head and hope that someday they will wake up.
For their children’s sake, I hope they wake up and become real men in life.
3. They are a walking example of empathy and compassion
A really great father, can be sensitive in nature, and can show his children empathy and compassion for an injured animal, a homeless person, as well as other individuals that are struggling in life.
Having empathy and compassion would also then reach out to not only your family, but your neighborhood, your state, your country which also will include individuals that may have a different sexual orientation than you do, a different skin color, and a different income level.
A real father, a real man will have empathy and compassion in front of their children for everyone who is struggling in life.
4. We drop the need to fix everyone
This is huge. For generations, centuries, men have been told and encouraged to have the answers for anyone who’s going through a challenging time in life.
Or for that matter, men have been told to give their opinion and fix people even if they don’t need to be fixed.
Is this you? Do you give your wife advice regarding anything in life, even though she’s never asked for your advice?
Real fathers, real men aren’t out to fix everyone, but they are here to guide, support and encourage their children and their partner to achieve their most important goals in life.
Is this you?
If you read this and it irritates you, it probably means you have quite a bit of work to do on how to be a great dad.
If you do a self-evaluation, and you look at these four bullet points and you realize that three of them are knocked out of the park but one you struggle with, get help with that one you’re struggling with.
The logic in these points is unmistakable, and the solution is to become a real father, a real man, who is willing to look in the mirror and admit their faults like I did above, and then get the help to change them.
Your children’s future, is in your hands. Treat them well.
David Essel‘s work is highly endorsed by individuals like the late Wayne Dyer, and celebrity Jenny Mccarthy says “David Essel is the new leader of the positive thinking movement.“
Marriage.com has verified David as one of the top relationship counselors and experts in the world.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More By David Essel