11 Ways Past Sexual Trauma Can Affect Your Relationship

There are a number of things that affect how we view relationships, including our own experiences with romance and the dynamics we observed from our parents and caregivers when we were children.

Another factor that can affect our relationships is our experience of trauma. Sexual trauma, in particular, can impact future romantic relationships, especially if it is not healed.

Below, learn about signs of sexual trauma, as well as the ways that sexual trauma recovery can benefit your relationships. 

What is sexual trauma?

The term “sexual trauma” refers to the physical and psychological side effects that happen after a person is a victim of sexual assault or sexual abuse. 

Sexual trauma may arise from experiences such as child sexual abuse, non-consensual sexual advances, or any form of coerced or forced sexual contact, regardless of age or circumstance.

After surviving sexual assault, a person may develop signs and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), so this disorder can be a part of the sexual trauma definition. 

7 signs of sexual trauma 

Part of understanding sexual trauma meaning is learning about its signs. Below are five sexual trauma symptoms that may appear in survivors. 

1. Intrusive thoughts 

Intrusive thoughts are common among people living with PTSD from sexual trauma. Intrusive thoughts can include flashbacks of the event, upsetting dreams, or unwanted memories. Sometimes, flashbacks can be so intense that a person feels as if they are reliving the incident of sexual violence.

2. Avoiding certain people and places

Avoidance can be a coping mechanism when dealing with sexual trauma. This involves avoiding people, places, or things that remind a person of the traumatic event. If a friend was present during the incident, a person with sexual trauma might avoid that friend.

Sometimes, avoidance can mean blocking out memories of the event or anything that triggers such a memory. 

3. Negative self-talk

People who have been through sexual trauma may develop negative beliefs about themselves. They may think that they somehow deserve sexual violence, or they might tell themselves that they are unloved or a bad person. 

4. Negative emotions 

Negative emotional reactions are also among the signs of sexual trauma. 

A person who was once happy and cheerful may have a sudden change in personality and mood. They might have difficulty experiencing positive emotions, and activities they once enjoyed will no longer bring them pleasure.

Other negative emotional reactions, including outbursts of anger, shame, and ongoing fear, are also common. 

5. Hypervigilance 

Hypervigilance or always looking for threats or danger is common when someone has sex trauma. People who have been sexually victimized will likely become very aware of their surroundings and may be easily startled.

They may appear to always be on edge and view seemingly harmless behavior or interactions as threatening. Sleep problems are also common because a person fears falling asleep and letting their guard down.

6. Change in relationships

Sexual trauma can impact a survivor’s ability to build and maintain healthy relationships. Trust issues, difficulty with emotional closeness, and fear of vulnerability can emerge. 

Forming intimate connections might become challenging due to the trauma’s influence on their sense of safety and self-worth. This can lead to isolation and strained interpersonal interactions, affecting both romantic and platonic relationships.

7. Physical symptoms

There is a possibility of individuals who’ve experienced sexual trauma developing physical issues like headaches, stomachaches, and other bodily complaints. These physical symptoms can be linked to the emotional distress caused by the trauma. 

Physical symptoms after sexual trauma are a way the body might respond to psychological pain, indicating the strong connection between mental and physical well-being in the aftermath of traumatic experiences.

11 ways past sexual trauma can affect relationships 

For those living with signs of sexual trauma, its impact on relationships can feel significant and challenging, though each individual’s experience is unique.

Even if the trauma occurred long ago, it might live on in the body, leading you to believe that danger is still present. All of this can make it difficult to develop intimate relationships with others. 

Below are ten details of how sexual trauma affects relationships. 

1. Hypersexuality 

While this is not always the case, some people coping with sexual trauma may become hypersexual. Some individuals may engage in frequent sexual encounters as a coping mechanism, which can sometimes reflect an unaddressed need for healing from trauma.

In the long run, this prevents survivors from developing meaningful intimate relationships, as they are simply trying to fill a void with sex. This behavior can also lead to failed relationships, as sexual partners may desire emotional connection, but the survivor can only connect sexually. 

2. Difficulty trusting

If you’ve been a victim of sexual assault in the past, you may have difficulty developing trust within your relationships. 

Sexual violence represents a total violation of trust; if you’ve been violated this way, it makes sense that you might not trust your significant other to treat you safely and respectfully.

3. Avoidance of intimacy 

One of the indicators of sexual trauma affecting relationships is total avoidance of intimacy. This doesn’t just mean avoiding sex; it can also mean a lack of emotional connection.

A history of sex trauma may mean you emotionally distance yourself from your partner. You may go through the motions of having an intimate relationship, but you are so fearful of connection that you emotionally withdraw or “put up walls” to protect yourself.

4. Sexual dysfunction 

Dealing with sexual trauma can mean that you struggle with sexual functioning in your future relationships. You may lack sexual desire altogether, or you may have a hard time becoming physically aroused during sex. 

These problems can arise because of shame, poor body image, or negative views surrounding sex. 

5. Outbursts of anger at your partner

Every relationship involves conflict from time to time, but if you have a history of sexual trauma, you may be more prone to conflict with your partner. Because of hypervigilance and mood swings arising from trauma, you may have outbursts of anger in response to seemingly small matters. 

These outbursts often stem from triggers that evoke memories of the trauma or create a sense of emotional or physical vulnerability.

While the trigger is real for you, your partner may have difficulty understanding where the anger or intense emotional reaction is coming from because it can seem out of proportion to the event that triggered it.

6. Poor boundaries

Being a victim of sexual assault can lead to poor boundaries in future relationships. You may feel you are undeserving of love, or you develop low expectations for your relationships because of your lack of trust.

What ends up happening is that you need better boundaries with your partner. You may be overly giving while expecting little in return from your partner. You might allow them to walk all over you or disrespect your time and needs because you are willing to accept the bare minimum. 

7. Inability to have healthy relationships

The lasting effects of sexual trauma can make forming healthy romantic relationships more challenging, often requiring intentional healing and support.

Minor gestures, such as your partner reaching for your hand or placing their hand on your shoulder, can trigger flashbacks of sexual assault, making it almost impossible to form a healthy connection.

8. Codependent behaviors 

Sexual trauma symptoms can lead to codependent behaviors. When a person becomes codependent, they neglect their own needs and become excessively focused on the needs of others. This can lead you to believe you must take care of all your partner’s needs while never tending to your own needs.

Within a relationship, codependency may mean that you neglect your self-care and fail to stand up for your own needs and wishes because you are so fixated on pleasing your partner at all times. You may be afraid to say no or to voice an opinion for fear of upsetting them.

Codependency can also lead you to choose unhealthy partners, such as those who are abusive or have problems with addiction, unemployment, or finances. You might convince yourself that you must care for or “fix” your partner. 

9. Strained relationships

If you have untreated PTSD symptoms from sex trauma, you might find that your relationship with your significant other is constantly strained. Hypervigilant behaviors, mood swings, outbursts of anger, and emotional withdrawal can all take a toll on relationships.

While these behaviors are symptoms of a legitimate mental health condition, they can be difficult for your significant other to cope with, especially if they don’t understand. Hypervigilance may mean that you accuse your partner of untrustworthy behavior, even when they haven’t done anything to violate your trust, for instance. 

Your partner may also desire to emotionally connect with you, but when you withdraw, they may see you as being cold and distant. Understandably, these behaviors can make it difficult to form a healthy bond.

10. Attachment problems

In healthy relationships, we form secure attachments to our partners. This means we form a healthy bond with them in which we are able to be close to them while also retaining our sense of self.

With a secure attachment, we feel comfortable being close to our partners and safe when they spend time with other people or do things separately from us. We feel confident that they will return and maintain their loyalty to us. 

Unresolved sexual trauma may contribute to difficulties with attachment, such as avoidance of closeness or heightened fear of abandonment. You may avoid attaching altogether or develop an anxious attachment style, in which you are afraid of being abandoned, so you become overly clingy or needy.

11. Isolation and social withdrawal

Past sexual trauma can lead survivors to withdraw from social interactions, causing them to feel disconnected from loved ones and friends. This withdrawal is often a protective response intended to avoid triggers or potential harm. However, it can result in loneliness, strained relationships, and a lack of emotional support. 

Encouraging survivors to seek therapy and providing understanding and patience can help them gradually reintegrate into social circles and rebuild meaningful connections.

7 tips for how to overcome past sexual trauma 

While sexual trauma can harm future relationships, the reality is that you can learn how to heal sexual trauma so that you can enjoy healthy relationships. Becoming aware of the symptoms of trauma and signs that it is still impacting your relationships can be the first step in healing.

Once you realize that your behavior in relationships is a symptom of unhealed trauma, you can take steps to recover and make an intentional effort to change behaviors that are no longer serving you. 

If unresolved sexual trauma interferes with your happiness in relationships, you can take comfort in knowing that overcoming sexual trauma is possible. The tips below can help you to heal sexual trauma.

1. Seek support from trusted people

Social support is an important part of recovering from sexual trauma. Talking to trusted friends and family members about what has happened and your triggers can be healing. 

Having loved ones on your side means they will be more knowledgeable about what you’re experiencing and more understanding of your needs when you are triggered.

If you’re in a relationship, talking about your history of sexual trauma with your partner can also be helpful. 

If your partner can understand that some of your behaviors, like emotional withdrawal or outbursts of anger, are a symptom of trauma, they will be better able to support you and less likely to take the behavior personally. 

2. Practice mindfulness

One reason for sexual trauma affecting relationships is that we have a hard time recognizing that the trauma is in the past. We remain hypervigilant, constantly on the lookout for present threats.

Learning mindfulness helps us to be attuned to the present moment. Instead of reliving the trauma in the present, we can focus on present thoughts and bodily sensations.

Practicing mindfulness through yoga or meditation can be healing for a survivor of sex trauma. You can find mindfulness videos online or find a local yoga or meditation practitioner.

3. Do some journaling 

Journaling can be an excellent way to process your emotions. Getting some of your thoughts on paper is healing. Once you write some of your thoughts, you may realize that they are distorted, and this can be the first step in letting go of these thoughts.

For example, writing about shame or self-blame can help you recognize that these thoughts aren’t necessarily truths. 

4. Practice self-care

Learning to take care of your needs is an important part of healing from sexual trauma. Take time to care for yourself with physical activity that brings you joy and hobbies and passions that you find meaningful. 

If you are trying to learn how to get over sexual trauma, it’s important to take moments to truly heal and do things that are beneficial for your mental health.

5. Seek therapy

Self-help strategies can help you to heal from sexual trauma, but many people benefit from seeking professional intervention. Therapy for sexual trauma can help you explore distorted thinking patterns and unpleasant emotions and develop new, healthier ways to view the situation.

A sexual trauma therapist may use reprocessing techniques to help you overcome symptoms of sexual trauma, or they may help you to develop healthier coping patterns. Reaching out for sexual trauma therapy gives you additional tools for healing.

6. Set firm boundaries

Setting boundaries involves clearly defining what is acceptable and respectful in various aspects of life, including relationships and interactions. This practice helps survivors regain a sense of control, protect themselves from potential triggers, and communicate their needs effectively. 

Establishing boundaries aids in fostering a sense of safety and empowerment during the healing journey.

7. Gradual exposure to triggers

If you are wondering how to overcome sexual trauma, working with a therapist can provide a safe space to address triggers or situations associated with the trauma gradually.

A controlled approach helps desensitize the emotional response, empowering you to gradually regain a sense of control and reduce the overwhelming fear or anxiety associated with those triggers. 

Over time, this process can lead to increased resilience and a lessening of the trauma’s grip on your daily life under the guidance and support of a mental health professional.

Watch this video to learn more about the signs that you might be sexually triggered:

FAQs

Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can help give you further clarity and understanding about sexual trauma:

• How does trauma affect intimacy? 

No two people will experience trauma the same way, but trauma can negatively affect intimacy for many. You may fear trusting your significant other, which can interfere with emotional intimacy. You may also avoid sexual intimacy, as any sexual contact can trigger trauma symptoms.

Sexual trauma treatment under a trained psychologist can help address the effects of sexual trauma that can otherwise affect a person for years. 

• Can childhood trauma cause intimacy issues? 

Childhood trauma can have lasting effects, including problems with intimacy as an adult. If childhood trauma is unresolved, you can have lingering trust issues that make it difficult for you to be intimate with others. 

• Can trauma cause sexual frustration?

Yes, trauma can contribute to sexual frustration. Trauma’s effects on intimacy, body image, and emotional well-being can create challenges in engaging with and enjoying sexual experiences. 

Negative associations, anxiety, and difficulty in trusting others might result in feelings of frustration, hindering one’s ability to fully participate in satisfying sexual relationships. Professional support and therapy can be essential in addressing both the trauma’s effects and the resulting sexual frustration.

Final takeaway

Sexual trauma threatens a person’s sense of safety and security, which can impact mental health and social functioning. If sexual trauma isn’t treated, it can lead to difficulty forming healthy, intimate relationships.

Fortunately, healing is possible. By reaching out for support, practicing self-care, and seeking professional treatment, you can develop strategies for overcoming the effects of trauma so that you can enjoy meaningful relationships.

If you have a history of sexual trauma, it may be helpful to explore counseling before marriage. A premarital counseling program can be a safe setting for talking about your history of trauma so that you and your partner are on the same page before you say your vows.