An anxiously attached person tends to be very insecure and self-critical.
In their relationship, these deep-seated feelings make them feel as if they will be rejected and due to this, they remain worrisome and not-trusting.
This makes them act extra clingy and feel very dependent on their partner. Such people do not live balanced lives because their insecurity leaves them feeling turned against one another and emotionally desperate.
For a person who has an anxious attachment, almost anything could make you feel powerful emotions could become a trigger.
Here are some of the most common triggers for people with an anxious attachment style:
Your partner cannot come to your date
Your partner is busy for a couple of days
Seeing your partner talking with the opposite sex and laughing
Your partner is in a very open environment with lots of people and engagements at work
Anything that will trigger your fear of being rejected, abandoned, or the possibility of someone else stealing the love of your life could trigger your anxious attachment behavior.
10 tips for overcoming anxious attachment in a healthy relationship
Fortunately, a person’s style can easily be revised through a different experience or by interacting with a partner who has a history of being attached securely.
Before we delve into how to overcome relationship anxiety, let’s understand how anxiety affects relationships.
Couples in an anxious attachment relationship must constantly battle insecurity, anxiety, dissatisfaction, and jealousy.
Insecure anxious attachment entails challenges that leave little room for relationship bliss and mutual trust.
Overcoming anxious attachment is a tedious journey and timely expert intervention is the best way to find a definite answer to the question “how to overcome anxious attachment and break free of unhealthy or abusive relationships.
This might be tricky because learning how to overcome anxious preoccupied attachment won’t be possible if you are dating someone who also has the same attachment style or a person who would do things that will only exaggerate your triggers.
Instead, it’s better to go for someone with a secure attachment style. Find someone who can support you and who would help you grow.
If you find someone who knows how to handle your triggers while supporting you to help yourself is the best partner to have. This person will help you go through the past, learn from it, and guide you to become secure in your relationship.
Learning how to overcome anxious attachment, re-focus your time and effort on yourself.
Self-love and self-care are effective ways to set your focus right. Instead of spending your time being worried about being loved, your partner’s actions, and even the meaning of everything in your relationship, why not treat yourself?
Have a massage, do yoga, meditate, try journaling, and so much more. Being busy is not bad, especially when you want to be better.
We can’t reiterate enough how important self-love and self-care are.
A strong support system will help if you want to start overcoming an anxious attachment style.
If self-care and self-reflection are not enough to help you with your intrusive thoughts, then talking to a trusted family member or friend will help. Talk to them, let them know what you’re feeling and thinking.
The key here is that the people who would be your support system should be strong and would give you proper advice.
Remember this, telling your problems to the wrong people will make matters worse.
8. Know that protest behavior won’t work
Some people still don’t know how to deal with anxious attachment. Therefore, some people resort to protest behaviors.
What are protest behaviors?
When a person with an anxious attachment style gets overwhelmed, they lose control of how they should react.
Some people, when triggered, might resort to the following protest behaviors:
Withdrawing from the relationship
Being too persistent to talk and fix things
Keeping track of everything
Starts to use manipulation techniques
Blackmail (Threaten to end the relationship)
Revenge (Try to make your partner jealous)
Like a child getting tantrums, you’re doing these to get what you want, which also causes your relationship to break down.
If you want or need something, talk with your partner.
Resorting to protest behaviors is toxic and immature. So instead, ask your partner to talk, open up, and listen.
Turning this attachment into a secure one is making sense of the person’s life experiences to help them understand how their childhood affects them today.
Whether it is anxiety at the beginning of a relationship or a vicious pattern of anxious attachment dating, a psychotherapist knows how to navigate this tricky trajectory and render the right anxious attachment help.
Therapists tend to walk their couples through a process of a coherent narrative which in turn helps build healthier, more secure and better attachments.
When people create a coherent narrative, they indirectly rewrite their brain to give birth to security within themselves and their relationships.
Remember overcoming relationship anxiety on your own, even with the best intentions, may not yield the desired outcome.
Can couple therapy help anxiousness in a relationship?
In couples therapy, both partners can undergo a process of Voice Therapy which will help them to challenge and identify the critical voice within and eliminate the voices that increase expectations of rejection and anger.
Through this therapy, couples can get rid of their cynical, hostile attitude towards each other and understand where such thoughts come from.
This approach is a positive way of expressing genuine love and giving birth to real security in relationships.
It would also be helpful to understand another critical anxious attachment style.
There are two diametrically opposite types of ambivalent attachment disorder.
Angry: An individual seeks a connection with their partner and then does a volte-face. They reject them and turn hostile.
Passive: The person is overwhelmed with their sense of helplessness and cannot approach others for intimacy.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.
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