Being on the Same Team Creates Better Intimacy

Rachael Pace, Author

Rachael Pace

Expertise: Mental health, Parenting

Rachael Pace inspires with motivational articles on loving partnerships. She encourages making room for love and facing challenges together.

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Updated: 4 Jan, 2023

Table of Contents

Speak highly of your spouse in public: When you uplift them in front of others, you deepen trust and connection, and your team feels seen and valued.
Share the load by dividing chores: When you handle housework together, resentment fades and daily life feels lighter, bringing you closer.
Be completely transparent with your partner: Honesty builds trust, deepens intimacy, and keeps distance from creeping in, so choose openness and keep the conversation ongoing.

Are you and your spouse on the same team? I am not talking about just being married. I am talking about having your spouse’s back no matter what. I am talking about the little things in marriage. I am talking about helping your spouse up when he or she has fallen. Do you think that you and your spouse are that kind of team? I hope so. Because those types of marriages work. Because those types of marriages create an insatiable kind of intimacy with one another. If not, here are a few ways to start building up a great team in marriage:

Never speak poorly about your spouse in public

I cannot even begin to tell you how many times couples, including my husband and I, have been guilty of “razzing” their spouse in front of other people. It sounds innocent enough at first glance, but when you speak poorly of your spouse in front of others (even if it’s just poking fun) can seriously hurt his or her self-esteem. This only allows for a deteriorating marriage in the long run.

On the other hand, the couples that thrive and seem impossibly happy are the ones that speak highly of each other in public. So, I suggest that if you and your spouse need an intimacy booster, start talking them up to other people. Your spouse will feel loved and wanted for days to come.

Always divvy up the housework

House work can be such an asinine part of life. However, it is a part of life! Even if it is just you and your spouse right now, there is still housework to be done and laundry to be washed. It is vital that you and your spouse learn up front to split chores down the middle so neither feels a heavier load.

When I was the only one doing housework, cooking, etc. it can seem like a horrible, thankless job and I began to resent my husband. But once we figured out we are a team in everything, including all the housework, life got a lot better for us both because we appreciated each other that much more.

Be completely transparent

Transparency in any relationship should be a priority but transparency in marriage is mandatory. Honesty builds trust and trust builds intimacy. The more you are honest with your spouse, the better your relationship will be because you will know one another on the deepest, most intimate level.

On the other side of that, secrets and lies create walls and distance in marriage. Lying to your spouse only destroys trust which will crack away at intimacy. I know this for a fact. In my own marriage, there has been secrecy and lies which created a lot of distance and destroyed trust. It took an immensely long time to build trust and even longer to have a healthy intimacy life again.

Have more sex

Sex! Listen, I know that there are a ton of distractions in life that make having consistent sex with your spouse seem implausible. But it’s not. Sex is usually the first thing to be taken off the docket because it is viewed as an extracurricular activity instead of a core class. There are numerous studies out there that point out sex is a NEED, not just a want, for men (and women). It is a need because it draws men closer to their wives both physically and emotionally. That is why men thrive in relationships with consistent physical intimacy.

On the other hand of consistency, relationships that tend to not make sex a priority usually are not as happy as couple that do. This is because when sex is continually rejected, men feel that their spouse is rejecting them completely, not just the sex. Rejection is a direct hit on their ego, emotional well-being, and their self-esteem.All those things need to be in a healthy place to have healthy intimacy.

This list is not all inclusive so please find more things that could help you and your spouse get on the same team. Because when you and your spouse are on the same team, magical things happen including a deeper level of intimacy both in and out of the bedroom!

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less