Infidelity is a nasty subject. It is taboo in most cultures for a simple reason. It is a selfish act that almost always end up hurting everyone involved. Grotesque crimes of passion are plentiful and prevalent worldwide. It’s an unnecessary risk for any society, which is why it’s generally frowned upon in the modern world.
Let’s assume that you are not the type to dismember junior to make a stand on infidelity, but instead decided to turn the other cheek. You will then have to carry the burden of overcoming the emotional anxiety after your husband’s affair.
We’re not saying that only men cheat, women too, and almost at the same frequency as men. According to a study by Trustify, there’s a significant number of women who have cheated at least once in their lifetime.
One day at a time
Time heals all wounds, but that wouldn’t help you if the pain is deep and fresh. However, knowing there is light at the end of the long tunnel of forgiveness should give you hope. The first thing you need is, resolve. If you decide to forgive someone and suffer the consequence instead, then you have to walk all the way.
“Do or do not, there is no Try.” – Master Yoda.
Both maxims mean the same thing. If you invest your time and effort into it, then you have to finish it to get the reward. Otherwise, don’t bother and save yourself the trouble. So if you forgive them and move on, start with having the resolve to stick with it until the end.
There will be good days, bad days, and really bad days, and dealing with each day is a different challenge. On good days you will be able to go through your day normally unless some idiot reminded you about it.
On really bad days, you just want to lock yourself up and cry, and most of the time, that’s exactly what happens. We will only discuss how to deal with the really bad days. If you can get through that, you can breeze through the other days with ease.
Cry your heart out
Go ahead and cry, it helps to let out your feelings when you’re alone.
It could prevent embarrassing public breakdowns that may add to your troubles. If friends and family are aware of the situation, have them come over and comfort you. Avoid people who can’t keep a secret. The last thing you need is someone spreading your predicament behind you back, it will only add unnecessary stress and misery.
Stay away from substance abuse
Avoid addictive substances such as alcohol and medications as much as you can. Creating a new problem to solve one is counterproductive, but if it can’t be helped, then try to do it in moderation.
Do not do anything important, including driving motor vehicles when you feel like breaking down. Without the right frame of mind, you may accidentally do something that you might regret.
If you are paralyzed by the overwhelming emotion and pain, repeat these words over and over until you are calm and composed enough to wipe away your tears.
“I forgive him, I did it because I love him. The pain I feel is nothing, I feel pain because I am lucky to be alive and in love. This pain shall pass.”
Keeping yourself busy is the best way to make the days go by quickly. Thinking about things will not change anything. You cannot change the past, and you have already resolved to go through it until the end.
What you have to do now is to endure until enough time passes and the situation turns into “something that happened in past.”
Work on your hobbies, clean the house (thoroughly), or watch movies to clear your head. Something physical is good for your health, and the strain keeps your brain occupied.
Take up aerobics, zumba, or jogging. Make sure to shop for the proper attire and accessories. Read or watch online reviews for maximum comfort and safety. Shoes are very important.
Here is a list of movies you can watch, that would help restore your faith in humanity and yourself (hopefully) without triggering a breakdown.
- Forest Gump
- The Pursuit of Happiness
- The Blind Side
- The Greatest Game Ever Played
- Coach Carter
- 13 going on 30
- Goal! (The first movie don’t watch the second one)
- School of Rock
- Family Man
- The Devil Wears Prada
- Stand and Deliver
- Take the Lead
- Patch Adams
- Jerry McGuire
- Erin Brockovich
- Schindlers List
- Lorenzo’s Oil
- My Sister’s Keeper
- Eight Below
- Kung Fu Hustle
Overcoming something like this with sheer willpower is hard, and sometimes you also can’t trust your own circle of friends and family without having some sort of backlash on your husband or inviting unwanted gossip.
If that’s the case, then you can go to a marriage therapist. You can be assured that everything will be kept confidential and avoid people meddling in your private business.
They can also provide more specific advice based on your case that can help you both. It doesn’t matter if you come alone or with your husband, doing either will have different results so you may want to try each approach and see what works best for you.
The incident will no doubt hurt your pride as a woman and your self-esteem as a person, which means it’s time for a makeover!
Don’t even think about the cost, get the latest and most fashionable stuff out there today. Charge it to your husband’s credit card. If he can afford another woman, he can afford to spend more on you.
Take a trip as a family, the one you’ve always wanted to take. Bring the kids, it’s not a good time to be alone with your husband, but it’s an important time to be together as a family.
Overcoming emotional anxiety being cheated-on is possible
Overcoming emotional anxiety after your husband’s affair is difficult but not impossible. You can use that card for the first few months to get away with almost everything you want.
If your husband truly cares about your relationship and is willing to do whatever it takes to bring back together, he will put up with it for a couple of months. Don’t be spiteful, still be the nice loving wife that you always have been, just be more materialistic for a short time.
It will help cover up your anxieties until enough time has passed and you would have sufficiently recovered to begin the real work. Learning to trust him all over again. But that’s a whole different issue altogether.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.