Texting in Relationships: Texting Types, Effects & Mistakes to Avoid

For most couples, texting in a relationship has become one of the most common ways to communicate. Especially if you are reading this during COVID, texting communication may have become a huge part of the relationship or you may find yourself in a texting-only relationship. 

Not only romantic relationships but text conversations have become a part of every type of relationship we have, from our work to our family, to our partner. 

A lot of people credit texting and social media for ruining relationships. 

However, with a little practice and mindfulness, text messages in relationships can be fulfilling and there can positive effects of texting like:

• Allowing yourself to communicate more clearly 
• Properly lay your thoughts out before expressing them to your partner

How texting affects your relationship

While it seems that most people commonly believe texting can be the downfall of a relationship, there are many benefits that texting in a relationship offers.  

On a psychological level, when you receive a text message, dopamine (which is associated with the pleasure sensors in the brain) is released and we are left feeling good. 

In a relationship, text messages from your significant other can release even more dopamine. So, in some ways, yes, texting in a relationship can be good for you. 

Of course, texting in a relationship can be unhealthy as well. Texting, in some cases, reduces communication, takes away tone of voice, takes away facial cues, and can easily lead to texting miscommunication. 

Not to mention the fact that detecting a lie over text is harder, and if someone is manipulating you, it is easier for them to take the time to craft what they want to say. But the truth is, texting has brought an amazing addition to your relationship. 

It allows you to communicate throughout the day when you’re not with your partner, it allows you to think through and choose your words carefully, and it allows you and your partner to grow. 

When it comes to texting, relationship dynamics can seem complicated. 

Why texting in relationships seems complicated

So, how texting affects communication?

For starters, men and women communicate differently, and that means men and women text differently. But also, everyone has their own communication style. 

Different texting styles can lead to arguments because you and your partner are not on the same wavelength. While something like sexting can be intimate, others may not see it that way. 

If texting in a relationship seems to lead to arguments, it means that you and your partner just need to get on the same wavelength. It sounds harder than it is! 

The bottom line: By adding texting into a relationship, you create a new level of communication that needs to be figured out by the couple. 

6 types of texters and understanding the compatibility 

Just like communication styles and love languages, there are different types of texting styles. And, just like zodiac signs if you believe  in them, some are more compatible than others. 

1. The novelist

This kind of person is the textbook over communicator that will send you an essay in a single text. They are the people that have thought things out and they spend an hour carefully crafting and proofreading their text before hitting Send. 

They are great to communicate with over text because they will lay everything out for you and then open the floor for some Q&A. 

2. The emoji machine

Do you text with someone who communicates mostly through emoticons? 

It can be a challenge to decipher what they mean, but chances are someone who uses a lot of emojis to text is worried about being misunderstood and the emojis are used to help give some tone of voice. 

3. The thick-thumbed

Thick thumbed or those who don’t look at their phone while they are texting. Chances are, it will take an intelligent responder to be able to figure out what this texter is actually trying to say. 

4. The multi-texter

This is the kind of person who may be a little scatter-brained. They often send several messages at the same time, but they aren’t trying to spam you! 

They just keep forgetting to add to what they were saying. Either that or, they like to break their text up into separate messages to help set the pace for how they want you to read their message. 

5. The emotionally-unresponsive

Are you with someone who leaves you on the read every time you try to bring up something that bothers you? Are they just being a jerk or are they actually unable to express themselves over text?

According to the licensed professional counselor Christiana Njoku:

Texting can be an interesting way of communicating in relationships, but it can be challenging with an emotionally unresponsive partner.

If that is the case, it’s best not to have any in-depth conversations over text.

6. The short and sweet approach

This person gets to the point and that is that. 

They don’t add fluff to their texts and chances are when you are in person they talk the exact same. There is nothing wrong with that, though it might make some people uncomfortable! Just remember that this person tells you exactly what they want to say, without being wordy. 

What is normal texting in a relationship?

When you begin a new relationship, you spend a lot of time figuring out what works and what doesn’t for the new relationship. And when it comes to texting in the early stages of dating, you can be left confused. 

You may be wondering: Am I texting too much? Or Am I not texting back fast enough?

While long texts from her may seem normal, it may be an annoying texting habit to him. Or vice versa. 

The important thing to remember is that a lot of people may offer you texting relationship advice, you should consider it. 

But you should also make sure that you pick and choose what works for you- just like in every other aspect of your relationship: what works for someone may not be what will work for you, and vice versa.

Communication in a relationship is very personal. So is texting in a relationship.  It’s up to you and your partner to get on the same page about what works best for your relationship. 

4 common texting myths 

Does texting ruin relationships? 

It seems like everyone wants to believe it does. But this is a myth. And, just like that one, there are several myths surrounded by the idea of texting in your relationship. Here are a few explored. 

#4: Texting has ruined face-to-face conversations

Again, this is a myth. Texting in a relationship has not ruined face-to-face conversations, but the question does rise: How has texting affected face-to-face relationships? 

For most people, the truth is: It hasn’t. However, for some people, it has made it harder to connect face-to-face. Texting has offered an easy-out for those who already aren’t comfortable face-to-face. But is that a bad thing? 

#3: Texting every day is too clingy

Is texting every day too clingy? 

Excessive texting may seem like a good idea to some, and a bad idea to others. The truth is there is no simple one answer for this. For some people, your texting style may be clingy and for others, it may not be attentive enough. 

But texting in a relationship for you may mean that you are comfortable not doing it every day, or it may mean that you need it. It’s a good thing to discuss with your partner.

#2: You should text every day when dating

Again, this goes back to the simple fact that everyone is different. Some people may need to text daily, others may not have that need- or even that want. 

What is important is that you and your partner are on the same page about your needs and if you need to text daily or are comfortable with. 

#1: You should call instead of text 

Texting versus calling can be a huge decision. Sometimes, texting in a relationship is easier and it’s nice to have a record of something like what time and place to meet up, or if there is something you want to make sure you guys don’t forget. 

But sometimes, you need to hear your partner’s voice and sometimes you need voice-to-voice communication in order to properly communicate with each other. Saying “It’s fine” may be hard to distinguish whether it is passive-aggressive or genuine without hearing that tone of voice.

Common texting mistakes

From texting too much, to not enough. Should you text everyday when dating? 

How often should a guy text you in the beginning, how often should you text a girl to keep her interested? Texting is an amazing tool in relationships but there are also a lot of questions that people have about them. 

• Leaving someone on read

It may seem harmless to leave someone on read when the conversation ends, and in some cases it is harmless. What is harmful is when it becomes constant. If you are always leaving someone on read, chances are the relationship won’t last long. 

• Using the silent treatment

Speaking of leaving someone on read, it can be a lot more than just harmlessly not replying. Silent treatment can be a form of manipulation. 

• Sending one hundred messages in an hour

Just because people have the ability to respond 24/7 doesn’t mean that they will actually be able to. And it doesn’t mean that they should do it. If someone is busy, you should not spam them with messages, question marks, or passive-aggressive comments. It’s just as manipulative as using the silent treatment. 

• Trying too hard

Just like being too distant can be an issue, so can trying too hard. No one wants to feel like they are being ‘sold’ into a relationship before or after it begins. 

There should be equal effort. Trying too hard can be draining on the person trying and it can be difficult on the person receiving the texts. 

• One word: Boring

Are you a boring texter? Are you responding with one-word texts or constantly asking the other person what they are up to? If you’re a boring texter, you might be the one getting left on read, but that might be partially your fault. 

• Being negative

No one wants to be around someone who is always negative. No one wants to be around someone who can find fault in everything, and even if you’re not actually around that person, you don’t want to be getting texts that bring you down and feeling depressed.

Christiana Njoku, LPC, further shares:

Being with a partner with negative vibes is a big red flag and a threat to the relationship.

Are you in a textationship? 

Texting in a relationship is more often than not a positive addition, but what about when you’re in a text-only-relationships? 

This may seem strange to a lot of people, but for those who are in long-distance relationships, it may be common. Even more so if you are reading this during COVID-10 and are limited to who you can see and how often. 

Sure, lots of people might look down on the idea of a relationship where you only text each other but if you are in a situation like this and you are happy, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. For some people, a textationship works for a number of reasons.

• Maybe you are too busy to actually meet up but like having that person to text every night 
• Maybe you travel a lot for work and are never in one place for long
• Maybe texting is more comfortable for you
• It can be easy to schedule a time to text someone at the end of the day when you are getting ready for sleep- and you don’t have to leave your house!

Whatever the reason you might have, as long as it is not a negative reason (like hiding your relationship) there is nothing wrong with it! 

These types of relationships are capable of fulfilling emotional needs as well as allow us to maintain a sense of connection- which seems to be something that is more important than ever. 

However, like every relationship, it’s important to make sure that you and your partner remain happy with the situation and the type of relationship you are in. 

The video below discusses text-only relationships and how they can be harmful for relationships. Know more:

Takeaway

As we continue to evolve, texting in a relationship will most likely evolve and change and will most likely be with us for a very long time. So, it’s important that we start to see texting in a relationship as a way to help our relationships grow and as a tool that can be improved to deepen our connection with our partners. 

When we look at texting as a way to improve our relationship, we add one more thing to our arsonal to have a strong, healthy, loving relationship.