4 Common Causes of Communication Breakdown in Marriage

Though nobody means for it to happen, sometimes serious communication breakdown in marriages can happen.

Marriage and communication are not mutually exclusive. In fact, marriage communication breakdown leads to conflicts and growing resentment between couples. In some cases, even before the couples realize, lack of communication has already led to divorce.

Communication breakdown in relationships

To fix broken communication in a marriage, it is crucial to understand what a communication breakdown is and what to do when communication breaks down in a marriage?

Does it feel as though you are two strangers that just pass one another? Does it feel like you would rather talk to just about anybody else than your spouse? Does the conversation seem strained or forced?

These are all scenarios of a relationship communication breakdown.

A conversation breakdown between couples can be defined as a point where couples fail to communicate in a healthy way about disagreements or misunderstandings.

At this stage couples reach a communication stalemate unwilling to see each other’s point of view. Both partners dig in their heels, unwilling to accommodate their partners’ needs.

What causes communication breakdown in marriage

Though there may be several causes of communication breakdown, you want to try to pinpoint your individual reason.

There are so many circumstances that can lead to this problem, and you want to do your best to fix it before things get really bad.

It is normal for the conversation to waiver at times, so don’t lose hope.

You may have things going on completely outside of the marriage that can negatively influence your connection in this way. You may have gone through something on your own, or you may have suffered from some major setbacks together that caused a riff.

Determining what the actual reason was and then working to resolve it is really what matters here.

The two of you can get back on track if you work together to overcome the communication breakdown in marriage, figure out what went wrong, and then work to fix it with the right attitude to enjoy healthy communication in marriage.

Here are some common types of communication breakdown

1. You don’t put each other first

Though you may have kids, you may have others to make happy, or you may be very involved with your family, you have come to a point where you don’t put each other first and experience a complete communication breakdown in the marriage.

When you got married it was about the two of you, and though now you have other people and other responsibilities in your life, you still need to make marriage communication and each other a top priority.

You need to care about each other’s needs, and when this is lacking then the conversation likely is too.

It’s easy to fall into this trap but be aware of it and work to make each other a true priority When you make this conscious effort you will learn to talk again and overcome breakdown in communication.

2. You have a traumatic situation happening in your life

You may have lost a loved one, suffered from some sort of injury or setback, have major financial problems, lost a job, or even had a problem in your marriage such as infidelity.

You are very aware of this problem because it has caused trauma in your life, but getting to the heart of it and working through it will truly benefit the two of you.

It’s okay to grieve and you need to take your time to feel the emotions, but try to do it together before lack of communication in marriage causes permanent damage in your relationship.

If you are married then you need each other, so especially in times of need, you want to be sure to talk to each other. 

It’s easy for a communication breakdown in marriage to happen when you’re consumed with a loss or trauma, but this also represents an excellent time to find your way back to each other too.

3. The daily stress takes over everything

You probably don’t realize it but the stress that you feel in other parts of your life is all too often brought into your marriage.

You may be suffering from a great deal of stress at work, with your kids, with an aging parent, or any other number of life situations. This stress is easy to internalize or to take out on your spouse, but this will often lead to a communication breakdown in marriage.

We all have some sort of stress, but working with your spouse rather than making them your punching bag benefits you in so many ways.

To fix communication breakdown in marriage, work through the stress and know that you are stronger together than you are apart and that your spouse can help you if you let them.

4. You are no longer intimate or connected

When the physical or emotional intimacy is lacking, then it’s a prime time for a communication breakdown in marriage.

To turn the tables on communication breakdown in marriage, you need to make that passion and that connection a priority and identify when it’s not there.

You need to work together to ensure that you are on the same page and that you are intimate with one another.

All too often you let this slide because you are so consumed with other aspects of life.

Look at each other in the eyes, recognize when this is lacking, and then work together to get connected again in this way. It may very well save your marriage and it will surely help you to enjoy good communication and a happier partnership moving ahead too!

If everything else fails, resort to therapy

You and your spouse can develop strong interpersonal communication skills with therapy.

One of the key focal points of couples therapy is to better communicate between couples.

Whether there are simple communication issues in your relationship or a major communication breakdown in marriage, an expert therapist can help you and your partner deal with marriage communication issues and grow closer.

However, for those who feel they are unready to take therapy and are confident that with mutual efforts they can resolve emerging communication issues in their relationship, taking up an online marriage course can also be a good idea.

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Mary Fisher

Mary Fisher is a writer experienced with helping couples understand marriage, love and relationships. She completed her studies in 2011 and is currently involved in writing... Read more articles on intimacy, relationships and family. Read less

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We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

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Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

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We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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