What Makes Relationships Last?

Eva L Shaw

Eva L Shaw, Counselor

Expertise: Counselor

Eva has an experience of over 25 years in clinical counseling and coaching. She helps people with problems such as anxiety, grief, relationship problems, divorce, depression... Read more

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Updated: 20 Oct, 2022

Love alone isn’t enough, maturity, self-respect, and shared effort help couples grow closer, and committing to supporting each other’s growth and choosing happiness together builds lasting connection.
Listening and honest communication build safety to share and heal, practice listening without judgment and speak openly about needs so partners feel seen and valued.
Face life’s pressures together, with clear communication, shared goals, and mutual support you can navigate finances, parenting, and intimacy, seek good advice, and decide as a team.

‘Going to the Chapel and We’re Gonna get Married’ is a popular song that has been recorded by many artists including the Beach Boys.

Some of the lines say, ‘And we’ll never be lonely anymore.’ Because ‘we are going to the chapel to get married’. It goes on to say ‘I’ll Be His and He’ll Be Mine…until the end of time. The chorus says,’ Gee, I really love you and we’re gonna get married’.

The implication in the song is that if you are lonely – then get married

As well, he will be yours until the end of time and all because of love. So I wonder why are there are so many divorces? 50% of first marriages is what I last heard. Couples tell me that they have never been as lonely as they are in their marriage. How sad is this!

This ditty, is what we all like to hear. It gives us a good feeling. True enough, marriage can be for life and it should be because of love but, in reality as we would expect, there is a whole lot of real life missing in this song.

Relationships need to have elements of maturity to last. Both people in the marriage must be happy and love themselves, and then they can give and add to the other person’s happiness and love fully. We cannot make someone else happy, nor can you make them love you.

Love is the foundation of marriage

A place that comes with the commitment to always be with that person. It is where you go to remember the good times and the place where you go to draw strength when things aren’t so good. However, there is a whole lot more to marriage than love. Love just simply is not enough. Each person must be allowed to grow independently and then they must work hard together to grow in the relationship.

It is always good if we like the other person and they like you! Along with this comes respect, trust and someone we can tell anything to. Listening skills need to be fully developed as communication is often what couples tell me is their main problem. Listening and truly hearing from the other person will help you to allow you to change, grow, make decisions, and make mistakes without feeling judged or criticized. We can then express feelings and emotions freely.

We need to be able to ask for advice and be given good advice. We need to work together to figure out what to do next in difficult situations.

Each of us will accept the other person as they are. One can only change oneself.

I have read studies that say that finances, children and sex are the three top reasons for divorce. We must be prepared. Two healthy mature individuals with great communication skills can handle whatever comes their way and together they ‘take the bull by the horns’ and love each other anyway. This is what makes a relationship last.

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Eva L Shaw Counselor

Eva has an experience of over 25 years in clinical counseling and coaching. She helps people with problems such as anxiety, grief, relationship problems, divorce, depression and effects of abusive behavior. She is also a deserve coach and is dedicated to support people with finding happiness, opportunities... Read more and success in their lives. She practices clinical counseling in her own counseling and coaching center, Make Life Happen. Apart from helping people Eva likes to listen to music and spend time with her family and friends. Read less